Being Present and Your Relationship with Time - Steve Chandler

TUCP Intro/Outro: 00:00:08

Welcome to The Ultimate coach podcast conversations from being inspired by the book, The Ultimate coach, written by Amy Hardison, and Alan Thompson. Join us each week with the intention of expanding your state of being, and your experience will be remarkable. Remember, this is a podcast about be. It is a podcast about you. To explore more deeply, visit the ultimate Coach book.com. Now, enjoy today's conversation from be.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:00:48

Hello, I'm happy to be here with Steve Chandler today. As you know, if you've read whether you've read the ultimate coach book or not, you'll know that Steve Chandler was the first client of Steve Hardison, and it's just you've been known in the coaching world from the very beginning. So it's really a pleasure and an honor to be with you here today. Thank you for agreeing to, to be on the podcast.

Steve Chandler: 00:01:17

Yeah. I'm glad to be here. Anything that has anything to do with that book you're talking about? I'm happy to be a part of

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:01:25

wonderful. Yeah, I even see that. The ultimate coach book was an inspiration for your latest book. Like, we didn't know that you could write another book you've written? What? 3334 books now?

Steve Chandler: 00:01:40

Something like that? I don't remember. Yeah. But

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:01:43

right. In the beginning, you say that the inspiration for for the very best? Yeah, the very best of Steve Chandler was the ultimate coach book. So I'd like to dive into that a little bit.

Steve Chandler: 00:01:55

Okay, great. Yes. One of the book is big as his so that people could use it as a doorstop. Or maybe they change the light bulb with or if they're really bored, they can read it. So actually, yeah, his book was a huge inspiration. And then my publisher said, How about a? How about collecting various chapters from previous books, and putting them together in a big book, so people don't have to go by all 34 of your books. And I thought, Great, that's a good idea. So that's what we did. And that's the latest book that's out there. Okay.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:02:42

Very good. And, and I'm also wondering, the the few chapters that I've read in it so far, really hone in on the way you are being, for example, with time, right, or how, you know, a possibility for people to explore with time. So what have you learned from the time that you've been coaching with Steve Hardison about? Yeah,

Steve Chandler: 00:03:15

yeah, I think one of the biggest things when he was coaching me regularly, I still coach with him. We have a lifetime agreement. But I'm in Michigan now. And he's in Arizona. So we make that work when we can, but the key thing was, he would help me respect the present moment. So I would have an idea of something I wanted to do someday. And he would say, why not now. And he would always anytime I was fantasizing or strategizing about the future, he would say, why not pull it in to the moment? Why not get started right now. And it woke me up to the power of the present moment. Instead of the way I used to live. And most of my clients start out living that way and but I did for decades, and that was always living either in the past with a lot of regret and resentments and things or living in my future, which was a negative imaginary future. Oh, what do I hope doesn't happen? What am I afraid of? What am I worried about? But never really in the now never really seeing the opportunity in the present moment. And his coaching of me, led me to come up with a term called nonlinear time management. So linear is leads to progress. destination, I'm always putting things off on the line that extends into the future. And then the time I spend ruminating and rooting upon what I regret, what I resent, that's a line going into the past. And I'm ignoring the vertical line right here in the present moment that has all the possibility right here right now. So his coaching helped me reorient my mind who I was being where I was coming from. And then as studies in neuroscience have now proved the brain even gets reoriented you get new neural pathways. If your thoughts and your focus and your commitments are going in a new direction, the brain actually changes. So that was that was the key thing I learned from him about time.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:06:02

Okay, that's, that's very interesting. So basically, one thing that I'm hearing that stands out for me is how you were able to align all of who you are being into the now so that you can commit to actually achieving something or doing something. Is that accurate?

Steve Chandler: 00:06:27

Yes, that's right. That's right. And at the time, I had no idea what that meant. You know, what do you mean? Who am I being? I've got my wall, and I got my driver's license. Did you think you had another client in front of you? I had no, I never considered there was a level at the depths of being that are really influenced and powered everything I thought it was all doing, you know, what do I need to do? How should I do? What should I do about this? I've got that when I was first with Steve, I had these debts, what should I do? What should I do? What should I do about that? And he wouldn't, he would slow it down and return me to the low level of being who do you need to be to accomplish that? Who do you want to be? And I finally saw over time, that that was primary creativity, divine creativity is that we actually have the freedom to create who we're being not just what we're doing, or what we're producing or creating.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:07:44

So in the slowing down, you can be more of a creator than a doer.

Steve Chandler: 00:07:52

Yeah, the word mind slows down. And people, people that I work with, they get real nervous when they hear the phrase slowing down.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:08:02

Because it makes my heart beat. I was like, what slowed? Yeah. Tell me more about that.

Steve Chandler: 00:08:10

Yeah, right. Because I was afraid if I slow down, I'm all fall further behind. Right? I don't need to slow down, I need to speed up, I'm not accomplishing enough. I'm not getting it acquiring enough or earning enough or having good enough relationships. So I need to speed this life process up. But the real slowing down is the slowing down with the thought the word mind the thought process, the circular, worried thinking that that just speeds around in circles, thoughts about thoughts about thoughts? Slow that part down, and your success will speed up? Because once that slows down out of doing and thinking, and you drop back into being, that's where all the intuition and creative ideas come from. That's where the best ideas and the best intuition and impulse comes from. It cannot get in there when my mind is racing. And that's what slowing down really meant.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:09:20

Yeah, I'm envisioning a fan. Yeah, it's like, and when you were talking about the vertical moment of now, like, if a fan is spinning, nothing can go to the ceiling. Right. So the the road, the halfway to success is just like not happening. That's right. Wow. Yeah. You

Steve Chandler: 00:09:44

can't get any insights either into spirituality or how life really works. You can't when the fan is spinning so fast. George pranskey used to use that as a metaphor. So you're worried Mine is spinning so fast and pretend you're trying to throw cards through the fan. And those cards are insights about life that once you get those, you'll have a better life a happier life. You can no fan is going fast nothing can get through. And what I was doing with a spinning mind was I was trying to load up on information, I'll read this book in this book in this book, and I'll learn this and learn this. And somehow I'll get the information I need to succeed, or whatever it was I thought needed to happen. And no, no, there was no being involved in any of that. And that's why it wasn't working.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:10:50

Yeah, one of the things that I think is quite remarkable, right, when the invitation to read the ultimate coach book is, not only are we supposed to read it, as if it is about us. We're also invited to read it multiple times. So you know, we've often been told, you know, read these books, and you know, to your point about read all these different books. What if you read the same book, and actually apply the lessons? Yeah, the one book? That's right.

Steve Chandler: 00:11:22

Yeah, yeah, that that, in itself is a great insight. I'm better off reading one book that really makes a difference really inspires me multiple times, then keep reading new books, new books. I remember once I was younger, somebody, somebody came to the door with a Bible and other things. And I said, Sorry, I've read it. I've already read it. And I was missing the whole point, obviously. I was treating it like it was some mystery novel. Yeah, spoiler alert, Revelation. But I missed the whole point of what a book could do.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:12:08

So how many times have you read the ultimate coach book?

Steve Chandler: 00:12:11

Three, well, actually, technically more, because I read various forms in the manuscript as it was being created. Amy asked me to look it over and give feedback. And it was so beautifully written, I couldn't come up with any feedback. I was like, Gee, I'm gonna sound like a moron here. I don't have, I should find something I want to change. But she is such a good writer. And she works so hard to make sure that there was clarity and everything she wanted to say it was really readable, really understandable, user friendly for any reader. That, so I read in that form. And then when it came out, I was like, Steve Martin, the jerk, like the phone books are here. And I've actually got the book. So I read it then. And then Steve asked me, if I would read it, again, from a different perspective than I thought, Okay. And I thought, well, I'll do it as a favor to him. You know, he's a great guy, good friend. He was best man at my wedding. When he asked me to do something, I do it. But then it really hit me. Wow, is a different experience. Reading it from total involvement. Like I am the voices in this book.

Steve Chandler: 00:13:44

And yeah, it was powerful.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:13:46

Yeah, I noticed. That's a good point. Because you and Chris Doris, I think were mentioned multiple times in the book. I think at the beginning of the book, there's a picture of you and Steve not getting but early on in the book, there's a picture of you and Steve Hardison, together. So being heavily involved in the creation of the book in a way, right because you were reading it as it was being created and everything. So what would you say has been your personal greatest insight?

Steve Chandler: 00:14:22

Well, I think my greatest Insight was,

Steve Chandler: 00:14:29

how his multi dimensional coaching skills and he has many could be simplified so beautifully into a single idea of being that was my biggest insight like this. This is not complicated. This is just one big wow. But it takes time to learn At the bias in the conditioning of doing doing and getting and doing and getting to fall away, to really see being for what it is, as a spiritual source of life in the creative source of all life, not just a different state of mind to get yourself into that that's a state of mind. And that's fine. But it goes way deeper than that. That was my, that was my biggest insight how simple it was.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:15:38

Yeah, and simple is not a synonym for easy.

Steve Chandler: 00:15:42

No, no, no, no, no, it was easy.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:15:46

And I'm hearing also similar to what we what you were speaking of earlier, about, slowing down to looking at the vertical, right, it's just you, you are allowed to really lose yourself and the depth of what being means. That's right.

Steve Chandler: 00:16:09

Lose my false self, you know, my personality, my parent, my illusory, permanent self. And my first work was Steve. I wrote a book called reinventing yourself about the effect of that work on me, and what my victim thinking had been about everything, and how that could be turned around. And so I called that book reinventing yourself, so that you're not stuck with this permanent, this illusion of permanent personality that can never really change. But there was something at the heart of it, which is, which I call divine creativity, that's at the heart of everything, and people just cover it up all day long. And that was that book was a clumsy attempt at really putting into writing what had occurred for me, and then some of my first clients out of the work was stealing. Reinventing yourself.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:17:27

Why do you call it clumsy?

Steve Chandler: 00:17:31

It doesn't explain it as well as some of my later books. So you know, I keep trying to get it better.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:17:40

Yeah, but I mean, in the rawness still, I mean, would you say that many of the people you work with are very much in the raw stages of really understanding. There are, what am I going to say? Like separating themselves from the conditioning that they've layered on top?

Steve Chandler: 00:18:00

Yeah. Yeah, most people are. And most people in society are, they've been conditioned to believe that that there is no divine spirituality, they're just these animals walking around who are gonna die. And so yeah, it's it's heavy conditioning, that that people show up with, and then they start seeing possibility and, and so it's really the people who really thrive through coaching are the ones who are willing to discard beliefs that they used to grip and hold on to. And that can be scary.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:18:52

or so. Would you say that Steve scared that out of you? I got that feeling through some of the stories

Steve Chandler: 00:19:04

sometimes. Yeah. Yeah, there was fear that had to be experienced for me to really see what needed to be seen. And then the fear went away after that the fear was just was always like, he would always tell me it's worse up here than it is in reality, it's worse when you think about it. So let's just engage with reality and see the reality is actually on your side. You don't think so? But it is

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:19:34

reality. We'll explain more about what that means. What is reality?

Steve Chandler: 00:19:42

It's what is real

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:19:45

you know, like, Okay, so for the for people that are listening that may still be in that victim mindset, reality is the humdrum of we got to do this. What are you talking about like you out so

Steve Chandler: 00:20:02

well, so something occurs, and then it passes through the filter of my story about it. So a house catches on fire. And I think, Oh, how horrible How tragic. But a fireman, on his first day of duty jumps up and says, my first house fire, let's go. And his heart is racing. And he's exciting, he jumps in and helps put out the fire and save some people. Like, that's best day in my life. So the fire is the same, the fire is reality. And it's just something that is occurring. And and then my response to what I make of it is up to me. And so, so reality was not as bad things that were occurring were not as bad as I thought they were. They were opportunities for learning. I saw them as tragic, unfair. Why me? And I got the why me. so pervasive in my life, I would take everything personally is start to rain. And I'd say why me? Why, why? Why is it raining on me? What have I done? To deserve rain? So that all overtime went away?

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:21:35

Yeah, so what is, is reality. And what we make it mean, is essentially not reality is what you're saying. What we

Steve Chandler: 00:21:45

make it mean is you there's more choice in that than we realize. So that becomes the hot in a way, the higher reality, because that's really our experience, our experiences, what we make things mean for us. So I can make something be a real learning experience that I can grow from, or I can have a be some unfair, tragic, horrible thing that I didn't deserve. And that's all that those are both creations of my

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:22:23

right. And they're both choices. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you explain that beautifully. I always want to get the clear, pure definition of the word reality, you know, for people because like you said, we are all listening through a filter. And just as a possibility, what if there's no filter? Right? Yeah. So what when I was asking me a question, originally about whether or not Steve scared you out of your conditioning, I was specifically thinking of the story about when you went to the company, and you were proposing he was trying to get you to propose more. And you? What was it you said? Do you remember the story that I'm talking about? In the end, you ended up with like, was it 40,000? Or 400,000?

Steve Chandler: 00:23:25

Yeah, that one? Yeah. So, yes, that scared me to charge that much for what I was doing. So so he always saw value in what I could do that I didn't see. And that's one of his gifts. And I think the book shows it, that he can see potential in people that they don't see. And so his work is to connect them to their own potential, their own possibility that they don't see as a possibility. So, in a way, he's like, an eye doctor. And he helps you see what's really there for you. And how much better it is than you imagined it could be. Because of all your beliefs and all your life of staying out of the realm of being and just trying to overcome everything by more and more doing, or more correct doing, I've got to do it right. I'm doing it wrong. Someone tell me how I shouldn't do this.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:24:37

Yeah, and he didn't really tell you what to do in that case.

Steve Chandler: 00:24:41

No. He would always ask me what what would you like to do? Who would you like to be? What would you like to create? And the beauty was I'd come in with a problem. I've got this big problem. And you'd say tell me about it. And I would describe the situation He was see automatically, immediately the situation was neutral wasn't for him, it wasn't a problem. It was just conditions of the game we're about to play. Okay, we have to stay within these boundaries, we have to get the ball over here into that basket. That's the game. We're about to play. Let's go. And so it was no longer a problem. It was just the game. And who do you need to be? Who would you like to be? And I said, Well, I can't even picture myself talking to someone like that. He'd say, Okay, let's roleplay it. I'll be you. And you'll be someone who's pushing back and criticize, trying to shut it down. And he would show me and, and I'd see it, you know, it's like, hey, I can see it.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:25:58

Thanks. Thanks. Thanks for the glasses. Yeah. Wow. So you could like pretty much what the way I'm hearing is like, you could pick your position on the playing field. Now. You don't choose whether or not I don't know what the positions are in basketball. So I'm gonna say like, be the quarterback or, you know, you could be the running back, or whatever.

Steve Chandler: 00:26:25

Yeah. Wouldn't be football. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's right. Do we need to throw a pass? Can we run up the middle? There are a lot of things we could do. Let's have fun with it.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:26:39

Yeah. Yeah. Mostly. I'm hearing. Have fun with it. Yeah. And so in all cases, being the essence of being is creating life as a game of choices. Yeah, that's, that's a good way to put it. Okay. Yeah. That feels good to for my filters. Like, I've read the book three times. And I still have, you know, conditioning is really a thing. Yes. It's like, I And it's funny, because after I read the book, the second time, I was like, Oh, I got this right. And then I had an a learning opportunity. And I said, Okay, let me just revisit the book again. And, yeah, conditioning is, is a real thing.

Steve Chandler: 00:27:34

But the good thing is the the old mythology, around psychology, used to say that our conditioning ends at a certain age in childhood, that's who we are. We're this way or that way. If you hear a parent talk about their kids, they can tell you well, she's an introvert. He's an optimist. She's a pessimist. And it's all locked in. And that's who you are good luck with it. And the truth is, yeah, that's who somehow they've been conditioned to be combined was, whatever strategy they had to keep themselves safe. combined to create a pattern called a personality. But what early psychology didn't acknowledge was the conditioning continues. So I'm in my 70s. And if I do nothing but Doom scroll the news all day, and read about oh, no, oh, no, what's wrong? Oh, no, I that the conditioning is continuing. If I have a process by which I read an inspiring book in the morning, I have meditation, spiritual practice. I talk to teachers and clients and mentors who inspire me, I do good work. I serve people. I am now reconditioning who I am out of creative choice. Conditioning never stops. But who's going to be in charge of it? Who's going to? Who's going to have the last word society, my parents? Or am I going to take control, take over the controls, and create who I want to be who I need to be to have the life I want. And that's, that's the wake up call that people get when they work with Steve and a lot of people who have gotten that I've heard from merely reading this book a couple of times.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:29:53

Yeah, I haven't worked with Steve. I had one very long walk with him. So I understand Most of what I'm understanding is through these conversations and from my reading of the book, and you mentioned one thing that I, and some of my clients have struggled with. And that's the word be of service. So speak more about what that? That is. Yeah, a lot of people struggle with that.

Steve Chandler: 00:30:25

I even get angry emails sometimes saying, I'm a woman, how can you tell me that? How can you tell me to serve more? I've been serving all my life. I'm tired of serving. I want what's mine, I want to I want to be a badass woman. I had one client says, Can you teach me to be a badass woman? And he said, I don't think so. Why would you want that and I want what's mine, I'm tired of serving. Well, that's if you're really serving, you wouldn't get tired of it serving is is making a positive difference for somebody else. It's leaving the ego behind. And engaging with life in such a way that you realize you're making a positive difference with other people. And that so that comes along with a really great fulfilling type of feeling. But a lot of people just try to wrestle with the concept of serving like us serving I don't want to serve I want to make money. I want to persuade I want to manipulate I want to make my I want to get what's mine. I'm tired of serving, I serve this serve my first two husbands and serve my father and mother, I, I'm done. I want to go out and take what's mine right now. And so the, the mere concept of serving usually goes into the filter of the person who's been highly conditioned one way or another. So they already have a story about it before they've really tried it. And serving is difference making. I had a mentor once who said meaning is the difference, something makes it if it makes no difference. It has no meaning. And then he would tell me that's true of your life. Your if your life makes no difference for anybody else, anything else, the environment, the animal world, people, whatever. And then there's no meaning is the difference. Something makes and service to me is making a difference making the smaller the better. I don't have to change the whole world. Overnight, I can help somebody walk across the street who's having a hard time. And that's service. And, you know, that isn't some kind of victime doormats self sacrifice, because of how great it feels. Yeah,

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:33:20

it's like the word service has been hijacked. Yeah. And, and the women, we're going to use this because this is the example you use have been conditioned to believe that service is doing right for others and pleasing

Steve Chandler: 00:33:42

others and leaving yourself out of the equation and leaving

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:33:46

yourself out of the equation. Yeah. Yeah. And so,

Steve Chandler: 00:33:53

new conditioning conditioning is recommended for someone with that, you know, belief system,

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:33:59

right. So, and reality, right? Service is actually creating a difference for humanity, which may or may not have anything to do with pleasing people, right? No, many times

Steve Chandler: 00:34:22

is different than pleasing people. My father was an alcoholic. Every time I made him a drink, he was pleased. At one point I realized, am I really serving Him by doing by doing this? And so pleasing and serving are often two different things. Pleasing is an attempt to win approval from other people. And it's a endless game that has no fulfillment in it. You have to start over the next They you can't trust whether they still approve of you the next day here, here she comes walking along and doesn't seem to be in a good mood. I've got to please her again, I guess. And so it's just going on and on. It's a no win game. Just continuously pleasing. And serving is different. How can I really help and make a difference for somebody? Wow.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:35:27

Yeah, that's, there's so many insights I'm having, listening to that. I can't even enumerate but one thing it it takes me to, is that connects the dots for me. For you, you have an audio that I listened to regularly. And I do share with my clients called expectations versus agreements. So this now the service that the serving lines up with that for me, right, because when I'm in my pleasing, I live in a world of expectation. Yeah. When I'm in my serving, I'm living in a world of agreements. Can you speak to that a little bit?

Steve Chandler: 00:36:11

I don't think I can say it any better than you did. Okay. Yeah, I agree with that. I'm living in a world of I expect, I'm expecting respect, I'm expecting people to approve of me and acknowledge me and appreciate me. And I'm trying to accomplish that with everything I do. That's very shallow, very temporary. And never holds. There's never deep fulfillment. But if I can truly serve, I can do something that really serves somebody. That that's difference making. And that's a completely different activity. And a completely different result. And expectations agreements that that contract contrast that audio came out of my work was Steve. And he showed me if someone was not living up to some expectation I had of them. He would ask, well, what's the agreement? What's, what's their commitment to you here? What are they? What have you agreed to? Like someone wasn't showing up on time for sessions? What's the agreement that the two of you have? And I was saying, What are you talking about? That's a grown up. They don't, I don't need to cuddle them with some kind of agreement, they ought to already know that.

Steve Chandler: 00:37:50

To show up on time,

Steve Chandler: 00:37:53

and by creating an agreement is an act of service because now you're both clear. And you're both basing what you're gonna do next on a promise each of you has willingly made not based on mutual expectation of each other.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:38:14

And it's I'm also hearing it's a groundwork for commitment and deeper relationship building. Yes, absolutely. So this is like the, the way you and C's relationship was built over the years, right, is what that creating a commitment to whatever agreements you had?

Steve Chandler: 00:38:41

That's right. Yeah. The power of agreement, really clear agreement. The power of communication built on integrity. Valuing being my own word, especially with myself. If I make an agreement with myself, to do something, I don't I don't just ignore that because it's only me. I have before I met Steve, I had a therapist. This was way back before there was even such a thing as coaching or life coaching. And he said the greatest damage to self esteem is the phrase only I will know. So let's say I make a plan or a commitment. Not a commitment wouldn't be a commitment. It would be an intention to work out every morning. One morning, I'm gonna walk one morning, I'm gonna lift weights one morning, I'm gonna do the bicycle or whatever. And then I wake up one morning, I don't feel like working out well. I don't work out only I will know. Right? Or if I don't do if I don't finish write this book, I said that I told myself I wanted to write or final finish this chapter only I will know. And what Dr. Brennan said, can you really understand what you're saying here? Is that if anyone else, no, that would be a problem. But if if only, you know, well, you're only you. So you don't have to keep agreements with yourself because you're only you, but they are the important people. And that was really damaging to people's self esteem, to not develop their word in relationship to themselves, not keep their word with themselves, because they thought, well, that's my secret little flaw. I can't be counted. And that's my belief. So I'm not going to share that belief with anybody, because they'll think less of me and my life's mission is to try to get people to think better. But that's devastating, as you you know, as you can imagine.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:41:08

Yeah, because, and see that was my major takeaway from the book is about being your word, and being in integrity and staying congruent. And that's what that example, screams to me is that you're incongruent. And you're, you're not keeping a commitment to yourself, and whether or not I realized that it reverberates through the way I'm being right to just close the loop on this in everything I do, because you can be one way with yourself, and it not leak out. Your other relationships, it doesn't work like that,

Steve Chandler: 00:41:49

or to hide. And it's a horrible feeling walking around with all these secrets. Guys the worst? Yeah, that's the worst part. You're right. That's worse than people finding out. How did you walk with Steve go?

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:42:08

Oh, thank you for asking that. It was It wasn't. I would say it was very enlightening. I learned something about myself. You know, I use words. I even create words. And then I don't, I don't see them. Right. So the word joy monger, for example, came up in the conversation, and I created that. Yeah. So he asked me like, what's the definition of that? And that's it. Well, you're enjoying mongering right now. Right? Because he loves to take this walk. This is his thing. And he goes, Oh, he says, well, then you're the world's best Joy monger. And I was like, how's that even possible? You see, I wasn't being my own word that I created. And so he said, because you created the word. You have to be the best at it. Yeah. And, and then. So then after that point, in the walk, we separated, and we were we weren't separate for about 45 minutes. And after the 45 minutes, you know, and perfect Steve style. What does he say? He goes, so you know, no, what did he say? Exactly? I may have to paraphrase because this was January, you know, since a long time ago, but um, he goes, um, feel free to answer this or not. Whatever you were thinking about for the past 45 minutes, you've created your tomorrow. And I was like, holy Whoa. And fortunately for me, when I was wanting to think, negatively, right. I was like, wait a minute, I'm really grateful for this moment right now. Because I have an opportunity to think whatever I want and create whatever I want. Isn't that amazing? I was thinking that's when I was, you know, when we were separate? And I said, so if I could create anything? How would I create who I'm being? And so then I started thinking about, you know, who I'm being and, and how I should be to accomplish, you know, the things that I was working on at that time. And so I got busy thinking about that and started walking slower. So he was actually worried because, you know, he's six, four, and I'm not, I'm like, five, three, so my steps are smaller. So by the time I caught up to him, he was like, you know, I was worried that I lost you. You know, and then he said this and then I shared with him the thoughts and what I was creating. So Yeah, it was that that was an awakening to how much of commitment I didn't hold within myself. Oh, wow.

Steve Chandler: 00:45:11

That's beautiful. Yeah. How did you create this podcast? What brought this about?

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:45:19

Oh, this. So one of the hosts there, there are three hosts for this podcast. Oh, yeah. So there's Laban ditchburn And Philippe bar too. And then there was Ross. And so Ross resigned, and I happened to find out about it. And I was like, Well, you know, what, what an opportunity, because they're all men, don't you what you like the voice of a woman on the podcast? And so they said, Oh, that's a great idea. And I said, and you know, I'm the only one qualified to do that. And, and they agreed, so,

Steve Chandler: 00:45:58

yeah, that's great. Well, I lucked out. I'm glad I got the voice of a woman on this podcast. Thank you. Yeah. You're you ask great questions.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:46:11

Thank you. I was gonna ask you that, like, what is your experience of this of our conversation together?

Steve Chandler: 00:46:20

It's a lot of fun and easy. You know, I, I feel your relaxation. Sometimes I'm on a podcast, and I feel a little bit of tension, like somebody's afraid. They're not going to ask the right question or whatever. But it just feels really easy. So it's a great, it's a great experience, just like you and I are on a park bench talking. Yeah.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:46:48

I love these conversations. This is this is what lights me up, you know, in the world. So Steve was really excited when he found out, you know, that I was going to be a host. And he gave me a short list of recommended people to have conversations with and you were on that list. I'm honored. Thank you. Yeah. And see, I'm the one that felt like, I'm honored, you know. So I'm glad we have that mutual respect for each other. A

Steve Chandler: 00:47:17

lot. There's honor mongering going on.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:47:21

We've just created a whole new world I love. What, thank you so much. Is there any thing else you would like to share are put into the space before we close our conversation?

Steve Chandler: 00:47:34

No, I'm just I'm grateful to you. I'm grateful to Steve and everybody who is participating in getting the book out to the world. It's really a beautiful movement. So I feel a lot of gratitude. So I want to thank everybody who's a part of it.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:47:53

And thank you because I want you to know this. Everyone looks up to you, Steve. Finally. Yeah, I know there's a nickname that you don't want to be associated with. But beyond that nickname, we all look up to you.

Steve Chandler: 00:48:13

Well, thank you very much. I appreciate that. I just statistical accuracy of that, but I like the feeling of it.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:48:22

Everyone in the Bing movement. How about that? Does that feel more accurate?

Steve Chandler: 00:48:25

I'll take anyone looking up to me.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:48:30

You're very welcome. Thank you so much, Steve.

Steve Chandler: 00:48:32

You're welcome.