Being the Best Friend of the Ultimate Coach - Scott Parker

TUCP Intro/Outro: 00:00:08

Welcome to The Ultimate Coach podcast conversations from being inspired by the book, The Ultimate coach, written by Amy Hardison, and Alan Thompson. Join us each week with the intention of expanding your state of being, and your experience will be remarkable. Remember, this is a podcast about be. It is a podcast about you. To explore more deeply visit the ultimate Coach book.com. Now, enjoy today's conversation from B.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:00:48

I'm so excited to be here today with one of the main people who was covered a lot in the book of being. And that is Scott Parker. He is the man who Amy Hardison described as the most handsome man in the world.

Scott Parker: 00:01:14

I'm already he's already changing colors. I don't know what I do with that.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:01:22

Oh, yeah. But all that to say that he goes back to the beginning of Steve's story as a missionary. So welcome to the ultimate coach podcasts. Scott.

Scott Parker: 00:01:36

Thank you. Thank you. It's a it's a privilege to be here. Thank you very much.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:01:40

You're very welcome. Yeah. So, you know, I actually, in preparation for this conversation I was I had to go back and look in the book of where you were discussing. You were discussed a lot, you know, and one, one thing really stuck out to me is, there was a time when you really need it to speak to him and, and there's something that he detected in your voice. Do you remember that?

Scott Parker: 00:02:16

That's very common with him very common. Steve, you, you can't. I live about 1000 miles away from Steve. And they'll call me and I'll call him and he can hear it in my voice. He can hear something in my voice. And he typically probes a little bit. And, and I and see now I after years of this I know, you know, you can't say nothing. Oh, and everything's fine. No problem. No, no, no, that's not gonna go. No, that doesn't work with him. So. But I But in all fairness, I try not to take advantage of that. That's one thing I've learned in my relationship with him as I have tried not to take advantage of my friendship with him and turn it into some kind of a help kind of thing with him. I mean, he constantly. He always says to me, is there anything else I can do for you? Can I do anything else? And I try to I try to hold that in a special place. And I try not to take advantage of it. So I have to be careful when he says that is there. How's everything going? You know, I have to make sure I answer.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:03:27

So I'm wondering on the other end of that, though, as his friend, you must also offer to to serve him and support him. Right. How does that look?

Scott Parker: 00:03:38

Well, you know, you have to remember I, I've watched Steve evolve. And Steve Hardison, the ultimate coach wasn't always Steve Hardison, the ultimate coach. I've watched this happen over literally 47 years of friendship with Steve. Wow. And, yeah, I counted it the other day, and it'll be 47. In August, it'll be 47. In August, the end of August is when we first met in 1975. Okay, and so I've watched Steve evolve and and so I think we we have subconsciously supported each other. There's been times in my life when I've needed more from him than he's needed for me. And he's always been there. He's always been willing to help and left and counsel and give me his perspective and coat and coach me. I mean, even before he was a coach, he was coaching me, you know, so I didn't know it at the time, but that's what he was doing. He probably didn't know at the time that he was doing that, but that's what he was doing. Yeah. So it's been interesting to watch. It's been amazing to watch this evolution of his but the thing that The thing that I want to stress in this is that Steve Hardison today is to me, and I know him very well is very much the way he was when we were 19 years old. He's shifted things in his life and, and monetize things and done things with his abilities. But he was always caring, he was always different than anybody else. When it came to his involvement and his, you know, his heart, you always knew he was, whenever I would speak to him, I always felt like, there was nobody else, he wasn't thinking about anything else. He was really just thinking about me. And that's his special gift, his special gift is he can just pierce right through you. And I've had many people ask me, you know, what, what's he like? And I, and I thought, I always say, well, not always, but I often say, he could be with you. And within five minutes, he would know almost everything about you, he would know what you are all about. And he just has this gift of being able to see right through you and feel who you are good and bad. And, and and with no judgment. I mean, Steve is a very non judgment kind of guy. He's, he's really like, Hey, this is what is, what can we do with this? How, how can I how can I serve you? You know, that's really how he operates. And he always has operated that way. Amazing. And I think that's one of the things that's always attracted me to him. And that's why we've had such a long relationship. And, you know, when you have a long relationship with somebody like this, it's a two way street. It's not a one way street. It has to be a two way street. And it has been a two way street. And so I'm, I'm just very grateful for that. And very thankful

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:07:02

for that. So in which ways would you say you've supported him?

Scott Parker: 00:07:08

I don't know. You know, that's a great question. I'm not i It's hard for me to, to say how have I supported him? I think, you know, we've had personal conversations about our lives, about our marriages about our children. And, and I think in that way, I've, I've listened, I've been a listening place for him to speak. I think that's probably the main the main way that I've, I've just been a, I've been a friend that he could always count on. If I told him I was going to do something, I would do it. He could always count on me. And I again, I have not tried to take advantage of that. And that's something that I've learned. I don't think I always looked at that that way. And I don't think I was always aware of maybe overreaching into our relationship I, to me, it was always a, you know, a friendship. And, and I and I learned over time, I had to be careful with that friendship.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:08:24

Yeah, so you truly cherish your friendship, and you hold space for him when it's appropriate. And you also are in competition with him, right? That's really a joke. It's meant to be a joke, because like, you have six kids, he has four but you both have 11 grandchildren. So like when you can break that tie?

Scott Parker: 00:08:48

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know who's gonna break that tie. Yeah, I don't know. But I think we probably have a couple more on our side coming. But who knows? I stay. I stay out of that. Oh.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:09:08

Yeah, who knows? We'll go first. So I'm wondering like, when, before I get to that, actually, how has that shifted your way of being through the years like as he as your relationship has evolved? With Steve, right. You've been living and growing, he's been living and growing? Like, how has that shifted you personally?

Scott Parker: 00:09:32

Well, he, he is clearly my dearest friend, my closest friend. And you know, I was just with him last weekend. And he said that same thing to me. He said, You are my closest friend. And I, I was a little surprised by that because I know how many people he has in his life. And when he said that, to me, it really meant a lot to me. So I think, you know, that's a big question. How is that how As my relationship how was My interaction with him shifted my way of being? I think, I think by osmosis and some ways I've, I've been able to become more aware I don't, I don't consider myself a very zen person. In fact, I've been told I'm not a very zen person. And and so I am around this world of Steves and I'm around a lot of the people that are in this world, but I'm not kind of one of those, you know, I'm not, I don't have a coaching practice. I don't have anything like that. And I'm a real estate developer, and that's what I do. But, but just you can't help but be around him and not be affected by his goodness. And you know, and it's just fun to be with him. I mean, it doesn't matter where we go, it doesn't matter what we're doing. It's just fun. I mean, he reaches out to people, he talks to people, he doesn't know. I mean, but I'm a lot that way as well. And so when I'm with Steve, it's not a competition. I kind of let him do what he does. But see, when I'm with other people, I'm a bit like that, too. And so it's fun to be with Steve and watch and watch him. I've watched him do amazing things with people I I've, you know, he's met people, he helps people. He serves people, he'll give people money. He'll right on the spot. I mean, just, he's, he's just a very giving. He's just got a huge, huge heart. And I think that's his greatest attribute is his heart. And I think everything, everything flows from there. And I. And I think the other thing I realized, is I'm very fortunate that I have this friendship with him. And I know him so well, because I think a lot of people miss can misinterpret his enthusiasm and his extroverted ways. Sometimes as being not real, or being narcissistic, or self promoting, or whatever I think. But I know what Steve is really about. And I just, I just know, it's hard. And I just know exactly what he's, what he's like, and what what he's really like at his core. And I think that's, it's come from all those years. It's come from watching his relationship with Amy. And knowing Amy so well. I mean, I met Amy when she was 17 years old. Amy. You know, Steve and I met in England. And then Steve came home about a year before I did. And you're there for two years. And so Steve was out about a year when I met him. And so I would, so Steve came home. And then he met Amy, and they've gotten engaged in in Amy started writing to me. Before I came home from England, that's how long I've known her. And then I, I remember, I remember meeting Amy in person for the first time it was December of 1977. And I had a girlfriend at the time, and we the four of us sat down and we had pizza someplace. And in Utah, I think was in Provo. And I said to Amy, how old are you? And she and Steve and Amy looked at each other. And Steve said, well, let's just say our kit and their wedding was about three weeks away. And he said, let's just say our kids will say Mom, were you really only 18 For two weeks when you got married. So she was that was a way of saying Amy was 17 years old, or when I met her. And so that's how long I've been in they've been in my life and I've been in their life and and so it's been it's been it's been wonderful to watch all of this. And what and watch Steve grow and watch me grow and watch them grow together and you know, know that there's been bumps bumps along the way. But they are so committed to each other they they've worked right through those four. What about

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:14:29

you and Steve, what kind of bumps Have you had?

Scott Parker: 00:14:34

Well, you can't you know, you really can't have a 47 year relationship without some big bumps and I went through a divorce in I had a very rough first marriage and this is where my children this is the mother of my children, my six children and we got married very young also and just had some issues. issues that we just couldn't, we never did work through. And so I probably towards the end of that marriage, I would say the last three or four years, it was probably a big bitch session every time I talked to Steve. And, and I think honestly, it became, became toxic. Or I became, I became toxic. And, and so I did get divorced, and I was divorced for a while and I was still a mess, you know, I was really a mess because of that, that marriage and I, I really didn't realize what kind of damage had been done in that until I met my second wife, and I would kind of tell her some of the things and she would, you know, she would give me her opinion and give me her perspective. But in all of that, you know, I was talking to Steve a lot. And Steve offered to help me several times, and I really kind of pushed back on his help. I, at the time, I, I really didn't want our friendship to get in the middle of some kind of a coaching relationship. And, and Steve was really pushing for a coaching relationship with me. And I was resisting it. And he finally said to me, you know, it's funny. That's the letter right there. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's the letter. He finally said to me, and this is dated 17. May 2004. He basically said, I'm done. I'm done with you. And you need help. You don't want me to help you get some help? Don't call me. Don't text me? Don't show up at my door. Don't write to me don't. Wow, rebuttal? No. And, and it was, that was, I mean, I always call this my divorce our divorce. Yeah, sounds like it. And it was brutal. And I had just met my second wife at the time. I'd known her for maybe a month when this happened. And, and I and I, I was floored. I mean, I was really floored by it. And at the time, I really looked at it like, what's his problem? Yeah, you know, I didn't realize what I've learned is how hard it was for him to write this letter to me. It had to be horribly hard to write this letter. And I also realize how horrible I must have been to write this letter. Because at the time when it happened, I was kind of like, wow, look, what Steve did, you know? Like, what have I done? I just was like, Look, what Steve did, can you believe this? And I shared it with a few of our close friends mutual out. And they were blown away. They were like, wow, you know, but everybody, we all know, Steve is like, kind of in a different world, you know. And so we're kind of like, well, you know, Steve's down Steve. And, and, you know, as time went on, I, of course, I will maybe I shouldn't say of course, but I did honor what he asked me to do. And I did, I had no contact with him. I didn't initiate any contact. We. So I met my wife, as I said, right around this time, and we dated for about 15 months. So the first time I saw Steve, after this happened, was at a mutual friend's wedding in August of 2005. So about a year about a not quite a year and a half. But about a year and a half later was the first time I saw Steve. And this was a very dear friend of ours, a mutual friend

Scott Parker: 00:19:10

who was getting remarried. And Steve was actually performing the ceremony. And so my late wife, Jan, and I went to it. And, and so I saw Steve for the first time, and it was very awkward, and it was very cool. And there's a picture, there's four of us that we were all missionaries together that would have stayed very, very close. And these were two of the guys that I had shared. So they all knew they all knew about this letter. And, you know, nobody said anything about it. But when there's a picture of us before us, and it's the most awkward pitch of Steve and I are standing next to each other, and I'm kinda like it's very awkward.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:19:59

So I'm I want to just pause you there for a minute. Because I there's a couple of things that I want to slow down with. So you were in deep judgment of Steve. And at that time, we're not in a place where you saw your responsibility in that. Right, Jeff, and you invited others to be on your judgment party. Yes, definitely. And the reason why I'm slowing that down is for the people who are listening. Yeah, right. When you have a big blow up with a friend who you've known for a very long time, it's almost like a default setting to get other people

Scott Parker: 00:20:42

to validation. Yes, I was getting validation, like, and did that serve you? Oh, definitely. That definitely made me feel better. I mean, artificially, it was an artificial thing. But again, I think this was this is my unevenness, right? I mean, I was, this is a very worldly way of handling a problem, this isn't going deep, this is just bouncing on the top of it. And this is what a lot of people do is they bounce on the top of, of relationship problems like this. And and, and that's exactly what I did. That's exactly what I did. I, I wanted validation. And of course, the two guys that I I talked to knew some of the story, but they had no idea been shared between him and I but yet, and you know, they probably reality, they are probably like, Hey, we're gonna just stay neutral. We're not taking sides on any of this stuff. But in my mind, I was thinking, yeah, look what on hassled Stevens. And, and I mean, really, that's what I what I thought at the time, I never, I never for a minute back then thought how difficult it was for him to write that letter.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:21:58

So Scott has read me the letter off air. And I'm gonna give my reflections on at first Scott, if you're okay with that. And then you can respond to what I have to say. So I heard it as very respectful, very clear on setting the boundary of you are so toxic right now. But I love you so deeply, and so much that for the best thing I can do for you, to support you, is to only offer you, myself as a coach. Because that's what you really need. And if you don't want to take me up on that offer, then I'm, I don't want to have anything to do with you. And I heard it is very non judgmental, very loving, very clear. And this is actually the kind of loving that most people miss and their relationships. If we were all this way in our relationships, the world would be healthier. That's what I got from listening to the letter. And I feel validated in that because you guys are still friends.

Scott Parker: 00:23:16

Yeah. I think I think your your perception and you know, I think being an outsider looking in, I think you can see it much more clearly. It was devastating to me to get this letter, it was rip my heart out and step on it and kick it. And it was really devastating to get this. And I didn't you know, I couldn't appreciate where it was coming from at the time it happened. But I looking back, our relationship had become, I mean, in one place in the letter, he basically said, you know, you've sucked the life right out of it. You've sucked the oxygen out of it. And you know, when you do that you don't have much and this is where he was, he was at sea to me. For me, I was thinking, Hey, I've got a new version of my story. So listen to this, I've even got it down better now. You know, this is how right I am and how wrong everything that's happened is you know and how right I am about it. And he just he was like looking at me like Did you are you are such a mess. You don't even get it you don't even realize it. And and really, it was very I know now it was really, really hard for him to write that letter to me and say what needed to be said. But like you've just said this was coming from a place of love. And this is how this is how this is this is Steve Hardison on steroids. Because this is him really an action, saying If this can't stand this, this can no longer stand. And I'm going to, you know, I've got to hit you right in the face with this. You know, without physically hitting you in the face, I've got to, I've got to verbally hit you in the face, and I've got to geographically hit you in the face, and I've got to end, you have to realize I'm ending this relationship. That's how bad I was. That's what a mess I was. And I didn't get that I didn't get that message. At the time, I knew I was a mess. I didn't think I deserved the letter. But I knew I was a mess. And I respected what he said. And I didn't reach out to him. And I didn't try to debate him on this. And, and I was basically quiet. And I just tried to move forward. And, and I did start to heal myself. And, and I think, you know, that process has gone on and goes on goes on every day, you know, so? And I'm I know now I didn't know then. But I'm very grateful for what he did, and how emphatic he was about it. And that's Steve Hardison. That's what he's about. He's not, he's not ambiguous,

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:26:27

you know? No, he's very clear.

Scott Parker: 00:26:30

He's very clear. And he was very clear. And, and it was necessary, it was needed. And, and I'm grateful for it. And it took me a while to appreciate it. And even even after we put our relationship together, I don't know that I really fully grasp what a mess I was, and how deserving I was of that. And how necessary that was, that was the only way to repair anything in between us was to sever it and, you know, allow me to begin to fix myself heal myself, whatever, you know. And like I said, That's a, that's a process that continues to this day. So I, I love him for I love him for loving me that much. That that's, that's, and you know, and I feel grateful that that's my attitude. I think sometimes people are right, and they can never be wrong. And I think that's why relationships don't get fixed is because they can never, they can never be they can never take responsibility for their part of it. Pardon it. My, I spoke about my daughter earlier. And I if I sat down with her, she would know that I would take responsibility for my part in in that and whether she did or not, you know, I would take my my part in it. And I and in many ways I have said that to her. But, but the thing was Steve was it was a it was a it was a horrible, it was probably the most horrible thing on one hand, and that was probably the best thing on another hand that's ever happened between us for sure.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:28:35

Or sign of fierce loving and the opportunity to begin again and create a new and actually understanding what loving is. Yeah, you know, because you weren't in a place to receive love. Right? Yeah. Yeah. So that's the important part about you know, repairing a relationship. A friendship, you know, is understanding that it's the adversity that actually deepens the bond. And the adversity is an opportunity, right? 100% it's not it's not like the the line and sand or anything like that. It's the opportunity to create,

Scott Parker: 00:29:30

right? Yeah, that's, that's, I think you're right on with that comment. And I, I think sometimes people look for adversity, you know, they look for it, they try to create it. And but I think in a situation where it's kind of created on its own. It is a wonderful, incredible opportunity to create something way better, you know, far in excess of what you had, and that's kind of what we've done. Um, the two of us. And again, I give Steve a lot of credit on that side for, you know, for being willing to fix it without this coaching, you know, relationship, you know, that eventually happened. But it didn't happen at that time at

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:30:17

that time. Yeah. Whatever is meant to be will be. Yeah. Well, I'm grateful for you and Steve's relationship being the being a model for others to learn from.

Scott Parker: 00:30:31

Well, thank you, I, if it can help anybody, I'm grateful for that. I hope I hope it can. Because it's a real deal. It's a it's a wonderful thing we have. It's always fun.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:30:42

Thank you for sharing that with us that people don't see themselves. As you know, we only see our truth. And once you can get to a place where you can honor the other person's truth. Yeah. Then you can see your responsibility in it. Yeah. So what would be the lesson that you would want to share to people listening about? The possibility of repairing severely severed friendships? Well,

Scott Parker: 00:31:24

I think the only thing that really keeps you from that is pride, your own pride, and your own ill fated commitment to your way of being I mean, you're mistakenly? Well, I think I think, you know, I'm certainly guilty of this, you know, we try to be right all the time, and we try to be on top of things. And in that instance, you know, I think I knew, I think I knew I was a mess. I just don't think I thought I deserved what he did to me. But since then, I've realized that was the only way. That was the only way to, it couldn't keep these conversations we were having couldn't keep going on. There had to be a clean break. And a clean start over. You couldn't, you couldn't do that by just saying, hey, let's take a break for a week, I'll call you and let's start over. I mean, had to be something really severe. And, and I guess, I guess what I would say is it was worth all of it. It was worth the pain. It was worth the hurt. And, and our relationship is. I mean, again, this long relationship we've had as progressed, it hasn't stayed stagnant. It continues to progress. And it's a very dynamic thing. And and I'm very grateful for that. And I think, I think whenever there's a difficulty in a relationship, I think the most important thing is to step back and say, what, what, what have I done to create this? And what can I do to repair this?

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:33:13

So it's kind of interesting how that almost mirrors what was happening with you and Steve, you know what I mean? It's, it's kind of a, she has her own toxicity. And I call that when the relationships that are affected by that I call our emotional splatter. Right. Kind of severs us from other people. So yeah, again,

Scott Parker: 00:33:39

I think it's pride. It's so much pride, we we have so much pride, we can't see our part in in the difficulty in a relationship, and we aren't willing to admit to our contribution to it. We just want to it's kind of like when Steve wrote me the letter. Hey, look, what Steve did. You know, of course, I didn't tell him what I did. Right. I was just saying. Yeah, yeah, that's, that's what is often said, there's, yeah, so I think repairing relationships. I mean, that's what this is all about, right? This is why it's repairing the relationship inside of us. And it's repairing the relationship with others. I mean, that's what, that's what this work that all of you are doing is all about. It seems like and it's so valuable and so important.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:34:32

You're doing it too.

Scott Parker: 00:34:34

Yeah. Yeah, I and I am, you're right, I am I am trying to do it in my life. I am trying to be that and that you really have to get your pride out of the way. You have to allow. You have to allow yourself to be exposed to your own fallacies. And you have to own them and you have to be willing to own them and Um, I think that's the difficulty. You know, you see on social media so much people, you know, it gives people a platform to speak, right. And you see a lot of people talk about the difficulties in their relationships, and they don't, they don't ever go into detail. They just talk about, you know, the toxic people that I'm done with the top toxic people around me, you know, right. And I, yeah, I, I'm amazed how many people talk about that.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:35:32

But the other side of that, like, what you're saying, and what we all have to be responsible for is, we don't have toxic people in our life without attracting that because of the toxicity within. That's true. That's so

Scott Parker: 00:35:47

true. And you want to, I want to say that sometimes, but I don't even know who this person is. I don't say and I just, you know, I just go by. But you're absolutely right. And I think that's the, if there's any takeaway here, in in this difficult relationship that I experienced with Steve, it was that it had to be owned, it had to be acknowledged, it had to be owned. And, and I think the fact that I have been able to do that, and Steven, together, we've done that, I think that strengthened our relationship, and it made it even better, you know, that we went through this difficult patch, and then we fixed it. And, and we forgave each other or you recreated? Yeah, that's probably a better way to say it. We, we, we recreated it. And I think that's, that's why I say our relationship is dynamic. And it's it's continued to evolve as, as time has evolved. It's, it really has. And I think that's, I think that we both have been interested in, in growing it. And I think that's what's made it great as well.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:36:58

So when were you able to really heal yourself? Because it seems like you came out of one marriage, you broke up with your best friend, and then you started another relationship. Yeah. And you with in the beginning of that relationship, you were still carrying a little bit of baggage to be fair, right, because you're carrying stuff. Like, when did your healing occur?

Scott Parker: 00:37:22

You know, I think, again, I think it's just as a it's a time evolution. I don't think I could put a date certain that this is when it happened, I think. I think it's an ongoing, it's an ongoing process. I think it's a it's a it's a journey that I don't know that you ever get off. I mean, you're constantly, you know, you're constantly reassessing, and you're constantly re evaluating, and you're constantly repairing and patching. And, and, you know, I think, again, one of the great things that happened, that probably helped me the most was I did have a coaching relationship with Steve. And I spent time with him in that relationship. And I had always, I had always thought that that would get in the way of our friendship, and I'm not really sure.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:38:15

You're saying you hired him as a coach, when was that?

Scott Parker: 00:38:20

Probably back around. 2012 or so? Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1011 12 in that area. And like I said, I don't really know what shifted for me to do that. And I remember telling my wife that I was going to do this. And she was like, Yeah, you know, the money. And I remember saying to her respectfully, I said, I'm not asking for permission, I'm telling you, this is what I'm going to do. I'm doing this, I'm doing this. So I'm not really coming to you saying is it okay with you, I'm doing this. And that was an amazing experience that was amazing to be in his presence in that kind of circumstance. And for those that are listening, that have coached with him know exactly what I'm talking about, and those that are listening that haven't coached with him and would like to coach with him. Or I would just say whatever you have to do to do it, do it, because it's the greatest thing you could ever do. And I remember thinking, literally thinking the money was insignificant, after you got in there and got a piece of this, that it was cheap. Money for what he was giving you. What you were getting out of this what you could do with this. And you know, I've had several people, I've had several people, I think I kind of said this at the beginning, but several people say what it was like What what did he do what was and I said well Well, it doesn't matter what it was for me, because it wouldn't be that for you. It'd be completely different for you. What he did for me was for me, it wouldn't be that for you. And yeah, it was, it was

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:40:15

a very individual experience in general coaching as you know. And, and Steven different. So yeah, I might be with session. I don't know if it counts as a B with session because we were walking. Yeah. Very different. So. Okay, so that could have been part of your healing. If it was a full year?

Scott Parker: 00:40:39

No, no, it was not a full year, it was an abbreviated deal. It was for a few months, we had agreed to do this. And I didn't really realize that he would even do that. But it was like a prorated amount for a few months. And yeah, it was, but it was still extremely impactful. And, and it and it never got in the way of our friendship. And it wasn't, you know, when I would go to Arizona. I typically stay at Steven Amy's house. And when I was doing the coaching thing, no, that's not what happened. I, I was there and I stayed someplace else. And I showed up and I left. And it wasn't like, oh, let's go out to dinner tonight. No, this is a coaching relationship now. And I respected that. And I and I and that was good. That was healthy for the whole experience for me to put it in that in that way. So

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:41:39

so that's something else, you know, that our listeners can pull out is that it's possible to be coached by your friend.

Scott Parker: 00:41:46

Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. But I think but I think you as the coach II, is that right? Yeah, that

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:41:57

sounds right.

Scott Parker: 00:41:58

Coach II have to be you've got to get yourself in the right place for that. You've got to be able to hear that person from that place. You can't think Well, I know everything about him. I know everything about her. She or he can't tell me really anything new. Oh, I can't. That couldn't be more wrong. Yeah,

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:42:18

there's a great audio by Steve Chandler about personal versus social self that really addresses that. Well, it's like 23 minutes. But, you know, I listen to that. Probably once a month, just to remind myself, you know? So yeah. Wow, Scott, is there anything else you would like to put into this space?

Scott Parker: 00:42:45

Form? Well, the book to speak about the book was the book was an amazing compilation of Steve's life, which, of course, were to look at it as our life and look at it from our point of view. And but the book is just is just amazing.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:43:12

And how many times have you read it?

Scott Parker: 00:43:14

You know, I've read it, I think three times and I've listened to it twice. And, and, and you know, it's funny, every time I do it, I get something. Well, how did I miss that part? What did I always get something new out of it? You know, she was here last week, and we had a little get together at lunch. And there were probably I don't know, 20 or 30 people that showed up. And, you know, Steve spoke a little bit, you know, everybody, everybody shared a little bit about their, what they learned about the book and so probably, you know, 10 or 12 people spoke and, and then Steve spoken, it was very informal. It wasn't like this horrible thing. And, you know, the thing that Steve said in this is, this is not a dress rehearsal. This is it. This is this is our life. This is it's happening right now. So in other words, don't wait. You You can do things you can make things happen. You're free to, to express yourself to make a phone call to fix something to make something happen. You can do it you whatever you want. One of the greatest takeaways from coaching with Steve was something that he taught me, he said, You live into the life you speak. And, and I I remember him saying that to me, and I was kind of like, Oh, yeah. And then I really started thinking about it. And you know, he said it a few times over the course of our coaching time. And then I started listening to people that I knew. And like there's somebody I know in my life, I want to identify the person but it's a female and she's very chaotic and And every time you talk to her, you can say, Hey, how's it going? Oh, it's just, oh, just chaos. It's just, you know, it's just Well, her whole life has always. Right. Yeah. And I remember I remember thinking about her as one of the first people when he said this to me, I, I ran into her or something. And I was like, Oh, here's a good example of somebody who speaks chaos. And yeah, they live in chaos. And so what I did at that point is I started eliminating words out of my vocabulary. And I'd have to sit down and think about what they were, but they were anything negative, anything. That would ridicule somebody or, or anything negative about something. Or, you know, like, oh, well, that never works. You know, I just eliminated stuff like that out of my vocabulary. And then I started listening to how people speak. And, and I was like, okay, that guy I know. Just said something. And yeah, that's the way his life is. And so that has really, that's it has had a real profound impact on me, that's probably the greatest takeaway I had, from my time was him that I've been able to implement. You know, I've been able to implement I think, a lot of things, but that one isn't every day, every time you open your mouth kind of thing. You think about what what are you saying? What are you projecting? What are you reflecting? So I'm very cognizant of that and try to be I try to say things that, you know, that matter, for the most part, it's not always the case that

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:46:43

you're you realize your part in creation, and you're taking responsibility for that. Absolutely. Yeah. We're always creating with with our way of being I'm paraphrasing, that's in the book. Yeah. Yeah.

Scott Parker: 00:46:59

It's, yeah, it's an amazing, it's an amazing thing to realize. It's a simple thing. But it's an amazing thing to realize. So I've, I'm grateful for that.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:47:14

And to be clear, simple is not a synonym of easy, right? Which is why most of us don't do it.

Scott Parker: 00:47:21

Yeah, that's true. That's very true. Sometimes we, we completely miss the simplicity of what, how we can be. And we, it gets complex, and it gets complicated and difficult, and it doesn't need to be,

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:47:38

or when you live without judgment, and when you just have a pure clear intention.

Scott Parker: 00:47:45

Right? Exactly. Or so. I feel very lucky to have this relationship with Steve. Very fortunate, I know that I'm grateful for it. I know, I honestly know if I needed anything. If I, I all I'd have to do is pick up the phone. And he would come he would do something something would be sent whatever needed. And I'm grateful for that. And I'm not alone. I know there's a lot of people that have this kind of relationship with him. And but I'm just one and I'm just grateful for him. I'm lucky mine's Mine's probably longer than most people. But it he still has amazing relationships with others as well. And, and I've met a lot of them. He's introduced me to a lot of his clients. Over the years I've met, and it's been, it's been great. Wonderful.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:48:44

I'm also wondering, in your many reads of the book, how many of those clients do you know or recognize?

Scott Parker: 00:48:52

Oh, gosh, I'd have to count them. But there are several, several, I'd have to count them up. But there's several, I would say I'm just guessing 1010 or 12? Maybe 15? I don't know, I definitely count him. I haven't done that.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:49:09

Is there any particular story that that really resonates with you out of there? Not? I mean, it doesn't have to be related to you or anybody else in particular, but there's Is there any part of the book that is that resonates most with you?

Scott Parker: 00:49:24

Well, I think maybe this is or isn't but I think what gets I think what, you know, people people see Steve as this coach, but he's got this unbelievable business mind. He's, I mean, really an incredible business mind. He could literally run any Fortune 500 company, you know, when he left row Dell. Now, I don't know if that you know, that's a part of the book and he talks about that. And I remember when that was happening. And Steve was really kind of lost. And I remember saying to him, so he told me what he had done. He told me he had resigned, and he'd given him six months. And they walked in about a week before the six months was up with a blank check, and basically said, what's it going to take? And so I remember when he was telling me about this, I said, so if you would have written two or $3 million, would they have any goes? Yeah, they would, they would have done it. And he, but it wasn't about money, he just was not happy. He was not fulfilled, doing that he was traveling all around the world, he was, you know, probably jet lagged all the time.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:50:44

I can't even imagine,

Scott Parker: 00:50:46

but but he just wasn't happy. And obviously, this was not his calling was to do that he still has a really great relationship with the, you know, CEO, president of that company. But Steve, Steve could run any company. I mean, really, he's probably the most brilliant person. I know. He's definitely the most amazing human being I know. But he doesn't want to do that. He wants to do what he does. And you know, a lot of people that do this travel, and they put on big seminars, and they charge big money. And they you know, they fill up big auditorium. Steve, as Steve is best right in front of somebody, that's his best he's one on one is where he is so powerful, so powerful. And that's what he he could make way more money than he makes. And he makes a lot of money, we all know that he makes a lot of money, he could make way more money if you wanted to. He just doesn't want to design. And I give, I give him a lot of credit for that. And I give Amy a lot of credit for that they've created a lifestyle that fits them. And that's admirable, too. He, he has ambition. But it's not a worldly, it's not a worldly ambition. It's an ambition to reach people and to touch people and to care about people. That's what he's all about with people.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:52:18

So I'm hearing two things in your answer. One thing is, his brilliant business mind really comes for through you. And then secondly, his way of creating his life. I guess the third thing I'm hearing also is through his way of being He's created a business that suits his life. Right? And, and that's a lesson in the book, like, because we're reading the book as if it's about us. So I guess for you, as a real estate developer, you, you would gravitate towards the lessons of your business brilliance and the way you're being in your business and what you've, what you what are the possibilities you can create from that aspect? Does that sound accurate?

Scott Parker: 00:53:14

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that part of him has always amazed me. And, and, you know, he transitioned from business into this coaching world. And, but then when you go to some of the people that he's coached, he's taken me to some of these companies, and he's thrown out some of these numbers that we were here, and now they're there. And, you know, Steve, could take a lot of credit for that. He doesn't. But he's given a lot of credit. I think the CEOs that he coaches give him a lot of credit for their success. And he's he's amazing. That way. I think that I think that's understated. In Steve's life. I think that's understated. And I think he doesn't care. You know, that it's overstated. I don't think he cares about that. You know, I think the people that know that know that.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:54:08

And the fact is, he's changing the world, one heart at a time. And in some cases, it sounds like one business at a time.

Scott Parker: 00:54:16

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I've asked him a different how many people are you coaching? And he goes, the one right in front of me. Yep. And that's a great answer. You know, that's a great answer. Because it's not about it doesn't matter how many people coaches what matters is Who's In Who's and who sit in front of him. And that's really what he's all about. He's, he's, he's, he's very real. And he's his he has said that even people that he's coached for five or six years don't really get that he's real. You know, they still don't they still question whether he's really real or not. And he is he's totally real. So

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:54:58

yeah, my experience of them He's very genuine and very present. Yeah, yeah. And that, that is a lesson for all of us and the way we're creating who we're being,

Scott Parker: 00:55:09

right now, it is like that. He's like that with his children. He's like that with everybody. He's just, you know, I've seen him interact with his children and his grandchildren. And he's just an amazing, amazing guy. And, and, and, you know, and, and, you know, knowing him, he would not want me to sit here and talk about him, he would say, all of us have this in us to be this, if we will. And that's the greatest message I think that he would want to give is, all of us have this in us, if we'll just do it. And just be that be aware of the people around us be, you know, reach out to them, be present, be caring, be involved, all of these things that Steve is so good at, all of us can do this. And we just have to do it. And if we will, our life will be different, our life can be richer. And I think he doesn't so much want a light shined on him, he wants to shine a light on all of us is what he I think is really, really, really wants to do. He wants all of us to get that message that we can do this ourselves, we can be these things and it will make our life that much richer, and make the life of those around us that much richer. And I think that's the lesson is to kind of get outside of our ourselves a little bit, or maybe a lot.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:56:43

Thank you, Scott, that it's been a joy to be with you today. And I love everything you shared and thank you.

Scott Parker: 00:56:54

Thank you.