Living in Possibility Instead of Limitation - Chris Smith

Speaker: 00:00:04

TUCP Intro/Outro: Thank you for tuning in to The Ultimate Coach podcast, a companion to the transformative book, The Ultimate Coach, written by Amy Hardison, and Alan D. Thompson. Each conversation is designed to be a powerful wake up call, reminding us of what's possible for you, and your life. So if you're on a journey to expand your state of being, this podcast is for you.

Meredith Bell: 00:00:37

Thank you for joining us for another episode of The Ultimate coach Podcast. I'm Meredith Bell, one of the hosts for the show. And today, I'm so delighted to welcome as our guest, Chris Smith. Chris, welcome to the show. Well,

Chris Smith: 00:00:55

Yeah, thank you, Meredith. I'm really honored and stoked to be here. So thanks for having me on.

Meredith Bell: 00:00:59

Well, I'm so looking forward to our conversation. And I know our listeners are going to find a lot of value. Because I have a sense of where we're going, that that journey is going to be an interesting one. And I know it's gonna be filled with all kinds of insights that they'll find valuable. And the reason I know this is Chris is the founder of the possibility company, and His purpose is to awaken people to what is actually possible in every area of their lives, which I love that purpose statement, Chris, and I think it would be great to start off just asking you, How did you come to discover that purpose?

Chris Smith: 00:01:44

Yeah, I'd be happy to share and you know, this idea of helping people discover what's actually possible, when actually is a real interesting and intentional, you know, word that we use there. It's not just helping people discover what's possible, helping people discover what's actually possible, because what's so fascinating, Meredith, about us as human beings, is oftentimes, we can't see what's actually possible, we can see what we think is possible. And what I found in my own life is there's a difference between the two, there's a difference between what I think is possible, and what's actually possible. And the good news is, there's always more that that's possible, like possibility just exists. And there's an infinite supply of it, there's no shelf life on possibility. So there's always more possibility that I can tap into. However, it's a kind of an interesting thought, Well, how do I get access to what's actually possible? If I only think that this is possible, right, like the gap there, right. And in my experience, it's always through another person who shows up for me in a really powerful way. And I've had a lot of people show up for me like this. And I just kind of call it like, they show up like a leader, even if they don't necessarily, quote unquote, have the title of leader. And I think that's what's really amazing about this opportunity is we can help people see what's actually possible beyond what they think is possible. If we're committed to helping, if we're committed to that, you know, we love them enough. And sometimes, like showing people what's actually possible, or times where I've been shown what's actually possible. Sometimes it's someone putting their arm around me, telling them telling me, they love me, they care about me, and speaking life and possibility into me and helping me see what's possible. And sometimes it's putting their arm around me and having a really direct, hard conversation with me, kind of calling me out calling me force. But either way, like, that's been my experience of how I've how I've tapped into what's actually possible, and how I'm striving to continue tapping into what's actually possible. It's, it's usually through other people. And when I saw that in my own life, I just realized, like, that's, that's what I want to do for the rest of my life. Like, I want my mission, my purpose in life to help people see what's actually possible by speaking possibility into them. And one of the things that we often say the possibility company, and it's interesting, we spell possibility, on purpose, we spell it PSB LTY. So we don't fully spell it out. And we've had people ask us, you know, it's kind of an interesting kind of cool way to spell possibility. But why did we choose to spell it that way? And the reason for that is because you have to it takes eyes to see it. By possibilities, not just spelled out, it's always out there, but you have to be looking for it. And if you're looking for possibility, you'll tap into it. Just like if you're looking for limitation, you'll create it. So one of the things we always love to say is that possibility exists, but limitation is created.

Meredith Bell: 00:04:37

Yeah, explain what you mean by that.

Chris Smith: 00:04:41

Yeah, limitation is created. So we don't believe that limitation actually exists out there in the world. As a universal principle, there's no such thing as limitation. And limitation doesn't exist until we as human beings create it. And we often create it right here in our own thoughts in our own minds. We create it in our beliefs, we create it in our language, but possibility it exists, no matter what you are i do so well another way of saying it, Meredith, is there's nothing you or I could do to stop possibility from existing as a universal truth or universal principle, there's things you and I could do to limit it for ourselves. But it's still out there. And it's always out there, it's infinite. And it's, it's just patient, it's, it's always available for us to tap into it. But limitation is not out there, until it's created. And unfortunately, oftentimes, as human beings, we do a really good job of creating limitation. And so one of the things that I say is, you can't tap into limitation. Because it doesn't exist, you can only create it. You also can't create possibility, because it already exists, you can just tap into it. And I think one of the challenges of life is how do we tap into the possibility that it exists, instead of creating, limitation that self imposed. And I say this as a recovering, limitation creator. And, and striving to be someone who like lives in possibility. Because that was just so much of my life. You know, 15 years ago, my wife, Melissa and I were separated. We two beautiful little boys at the time, we were working towards a divorce. I had two failing businesses, I owe people money. I was at the lowest point in my life, I felt like a failure as a husband, as a father as an entrepreneur. I was broke financially, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, like, truly at the lowest point in my life. And I just lived in limitation. The only thing I could see out there in the world was what wasn't working in my life, what I didn't like about my life, when I didn't have in my life when they didn't want my life. You just consumed me. And I was obsessed everyday with thoughts of, I don't matter, I'm not enough. I'll never make a difference. And I really thought Meredith, I really felt like no, that's this is real, like, This is who I am. This is my life. Like he was as real to me as anything, you know. And no matter what someone would have said to me, I'd I just said, like, No, this is this is real. Not realizing I was creating all of that. It was all accretion done by me. And fortunately for me, I had a wife who wasn't willing to give up on me. And even through those last moments, and even when I was the one pushing for divorce, she kept speaking possibility into me. And she kept speaking possibility into our marriage. And she convinced me to go meet with a marriage counselor, who spoke possibility into us. And it was just through, like, literally a handful of amazing people. I also had a church leader at the time. His name was Dave, I just posted about him yesterday on Facebook, I think you saw the post. He was one of those people who spoke possibility into me. And through people speaking possibility into me. I started seeing that maybe there was more that was possible for my life, maybe there was more than was possible for my marriage. Maybe I could become something, or maybe a maybe I already was something I just didn't know it. Right. But it was just it opened up possibility. And instead of just living and existing in this limitation, I started to be open to this idea of possibility. And the more where I step towards it, the more I stepped into possibility, the more beautiful the experience of life and and then I started focusing on Well, what what is working with my life? What do I want my life? What do I have? You know, what do I want? And everything started to change. And it didn't change overnight. But one of the things that Gordon, this marriage counselor said to me, that really had me, you know, pause, he said something to me that had me realize, like, I am the author of my story. And that was a thought that had never occurred to me before in my life. Again, I just thought life was being done to me, right, and I was a victim to all these circumstances. And I really probably didn't even want to acknowledge I was the author. Because by acknowledging I'm the author of my story, I'm also acknowledging that I'm 100% responsible for everything in my life. That doesn't work, which is really humbling. But it was also empowering, because it's like, if I'm the author, well, then I can do something about it. I can, I can quote unquote, pick up the pen. So pick up the pen became kind of this like mantra for me. So pick up the pen, man, are you going to do something about it? So 15 years ago, I literally and figuratively picked up the pen. And I started writing a story for my life. And the spin the story I wrote at the time, none of it was true. But I wrote about the possibility of having a great marriage. I wrote about the possibility of being a great husband father, I wrote about the possibility of being an impactful entrepreneur. And language creates, right and so I started speaking in writing it and I just started stepping into that possibility. And fast forward. 15 years later, I'm still married to the same that same woman, Melissa, who's my hero, and she's amazing. We added three more children who are married to have five children. I have a business that you I just I really can't believe that I get to do and, you know, it's like, I feel like I have a really beautiful life. And that's coming from a place of absolute hopelessness and despair, where I couldn't see possibility in any area of my life 15 years ago. So I feel like that's just I feel, that's why I feel so called. Because I think there's so many people who live in limitation needlessly, and they don't realize that they can tap into possibility, because it's out there waiting for them. Oh,

Meredith Bell: 00:10:30

Thank you. That's such a fantastic description of how you got to your purpose. I just love that. And you know, what occurs to me as I was listening to that is, for some listeners that may wonder what what does that mean speaking possibility into someone? What does that really look like? Because I know, one of the things that I love about your not just your purpose in your philosophy is your belief that each of us can do that for others. And so talk a little bit about what does that look like in practice? What does it sound like?

Chris Smith: 00:11:11

Yeah, it's actually I'm glad you asked that, because it's actually much simpler, and easier and accessible than I think most people think. Because I think when we hear that idea of speaking possibility in the salon or having possibility spoken into you, it's like this really big thing, or you have to have a lot of knowledge or a lot of experience. So maybe we'll just if you're open to America, I'll do some fun with you right now. Think of a time Meredith, in your life at any stage of your life, in any area of your life. Where someone helped you believe more in yourself, and you believed in yourself at that time. So think of it could be a pair, a coach, a mentor, a spouse, a colleague, anyone who helped you see that more was possible than you could see.

Meredith Bell: 00:11:57

Yeah, it was a manager, who I worked with, who when he hired me, he just so appreciated what I was bringing to the table. And unfortunately, I only got to work with him for a year because there was political shifting, and he got moved to another position that the entire year that I work for him. And with him, he saw that in me, he gave me all kinds of latitude. Because he believed in my abilities, he believed in my creativity, and gave me encouragement and freedom, which was wonderful, because it did strengthen my own belief and my capabilities and what, what I could do so he comes to mind as having been an excellent coach and mentor to me as well as my boss.

Chris Smith: 00:12:47

Okay, and how long ago was that? Roughly, Meredith?

Meredith Bell: 00:12:50

Gosh, 40 years now, and

Chris Smith: 00:12:53

Think about so think about the power of this. And I do this exercise all over the world. By the way, when I speak with audiences, and I'm talking about this concept of speaking possibility into people. And at the possibility company, we talk a lot about what we call the three L's leadership, language and love. So it's this idea of how do we show up as leaders, right? How do we how do we use language to create possibility? And then ultimately, probably the greatest creator of possibilities love? How do we love people in the possibility so leadership, language and love. And it's so fascinating to me that this happened 40 years ago, that someone showed up, like how I would describe it, someone showed up as leader for you. Use the language to speak possibility and your gifts, right? loved you. And like, what kind of impact did that make on the trajectory of your life and your career?

Meredith Bell: 00:13:48

Literally, I never forgot it. Yeah, and it had a profound impact because of the following your especially when I had a completely different kind of boss. I, so it helped me remember the grounding I got with that one person who really did believe in me. And so when I experienced setbacks and challenges the following year, I didn't lose sight of what was possible. Yeah, he use your words.

Chris Smith: 00:14:18

Yeah. So it's amazing. It's like, and usually, and I would bet that if we went back and identified, like, everything you said to you, there might not be any one thing that really like, oh, it was this moment where he said this must No, that's right. That's my experience of all whenever I do this exercise, it's like, oh, yeah, someone put their arm around me and said, Hey, I believe in you. And that changed the trajectory of my career, you know, struggling and someone, you know, showed up for me and just was there for me and listened. And so it's like, we dramatically underestimate the power of speaking just a little bit of possibility into people consistently over time. And so it can be so simple like and this someone who was your boss 40 years ago And I asked you to think of someone who spoke possibility and you, you thought of him in a second. And then later, maybe the next year, you maybe might have might have had a leader who I would say maybe spoke more limitation than to you than possibility. And you got to see how different that felt. And so it's just remarkable the opportunity that we have to speak a little bit of possibility into people and that can be our our children, our spouses, our teams, anyone, right to just, and a lot of times, there's thoughts that occur to us. Like one day, at one time, I was watching my son play baseball, in a summer league baseball, this was last summer the summer before. And it just occurred to me that one of the kids on his team, who hadn't played catcher that often and catcher is a really grueling, demanding position to play in baseball, or softball. And I knew this kid was new at the position. And I was watching him throughout the game was like, He's a really great catcher, like, very naturally gifted. And it would have been so easy for me to not say anything to the kid about it did like just have the thought, like, oh, it occurs to me, I think that happens a lot will observe something like, wow, that that was incredible. Or that person's really talented, or that person's really smarter. And so, but knowing about the power speaking possibility, anytime something occurs like that, to me, I tried to make an intention. And so when we were walking out after the game, I put my arm around him and my son, and I just said, Hey, did you know you're an amazing catcher, they kind of looks at me, like kind of confused like I am. That's like, that's the first time you've ever caught a baseball game. I was like, that was remarkable. And I just pointed some things out, like your ability to like dig the ball on, like wild pitches, and just how you saw and I was like, you could be one of the greatest catchers that ever lived. There was it like, it was a 62nd, two minute at most. And then he went off to grad home with his parents. My son tells me still this day that that kids still talked about you when your dad told me that, like I've never forgotten that like, and it's really influenced like, how much work I've put into being a catcher and like, and so, because of that, the reality is Meredith, most of us left to ourselves. We're speaking limitations into ourselves all day, every day, listening to our own inner limit, you know, the voice of limitation and our own self doubts, and then the world is doing it. So to be one of the few voices out there that speaks possibility in the summer. So I'm a huge advocate of speaking possibility, and people like this boss did for you. 40 years ago, I'm even a bigger advocate of teaching people how to speak possibility into themselves. Because that's where it's like you learn to save yourself. Like, it's great to have people speaking possibility. And you the ultimate, though, is where you start to learn how to speak possibility in yourself. And we actually teach that that's the first definition of leadership. I really believe the most powerful thing that most the most powerful leaders do is they help people see a bigger vision and what's possible for those people that most people can see for themselves. That's what great leaders do. They inspire possibility. And it's one of the most beautiful gifts that you can be given. Like when that marriage counselor when that church leader spoke, possibly spoke possibility. And to me, it was like one of the greatest gifts that could have ever given me. And it's one of the greatest gifts you can give another human being is to speak possibility into and then ultimately teach them how to speak possibility in themselves.

Meredith Bell: 00:18:19

We're gonna go into the speaking into themselves. But first, I want to bring up something that hit me as I was listening to you just now. And this has to do with being generous, in our words with others. And you were talking about, you know, having this thought that then you chose to share with this young man and what a difference that has made for him. I have seen situations where leaders withhold positive words, parents withhold positive words, they're concerned about a going to the other person's head, which is always amazing to me. But there's that rationale that's there. Yeah. And I just am curious if you have experienced seeing people do that withholding? And is there something that you help them do to shift their thinking about what really can happen if they are generous with their words?

Chris Smith: 00:19:20

Totally. I love that you're bringing this up. And it's something that I confront, often with teams and just groups, which is, I don't know, if it's mostly in like Western culture, or Western society, maybe this is like all over the world. But it seems to me that in our culture in our society, we've bought into this myth or this lie a little bit, that it's like, it's not okay to really think highly of yourself. It's not okay to really believe in yourself. And definitely don't ever talk powerfully about yourself, right? Like all of that is like a shun like, no, no. And I think it all lives in this world of what you're talking about. So one of the exercises I'll often do with an audience is I'll have an audience, whether it's virtual or in person It's okay. And we're on this topic of like speaking possibility in yourself. We're on this topic of believing in yourself and speaking possibility and others. And usually someone brings up what you just brought up, which is so fascinating to me because it's so it's like, it's a thing that's out there. Well, is it okay to speak possibility to people? What if I do it too much in their heads get too big? What if I do it too much? And they get entitled, which again, I just, I think it's just such an useful thinking for I'll just say it that way. So I use this analogy and I say, Okay, what if someone right now in this room, and I point to someone, what if you stood up right now unannounced, and just said, Hey, Chris, I know you're leading the conversation, but I have something to say to the room. I just want everyone in this room to know that I'm an incredible leader with amazing gifts and talents given me by God. And with those talents, I can make a difference for a lot of people. Okay, if that just happened, be really honest with me. And I asked the group, what would you think about said person? And they're like, Oh, I've you know, I would think they're super egotistical, narcissistic, like, had their head fit through the door, like, who are they make me feel uncomfortable? Like, okay, fair enough. Thank you for being honest. Now, let's say 20 minutes later, I carry on with my, you know, training, and someone else stands up, says, Hey, I also have something to share with the room. Unlike that person over there, I'm nothing special. I'm just showing up doing my best, you know, trying to help but I'm nothing special or important. For being really honest. We would say oh, that person. So what? Bowl humble. And I said, Okay, this is fascinating me. I believe it's completely backwards. We've got it completely backwards. And then I break it down for them. And I say, the first person who stood up, who said, I'm a really amazing leader, I've been given some really incredible gifts by God. We're so flabbergasted by that first part, right? It's so shocking to our own, like, probably insecurities that we don't even hear the last sentence I said, anyone catch the last sentence I said, when I was pretending to be them? Hardly anyone ever does. What they said was, I'm a really amazing leader, I've been given some amazing gifts by God. And with those gifts, I can help a lot of people. So the person we're calling arrogant and egotistical and selfish and narcissistic, might and probably is one of the most unselfish people in the room because they realize with my gifts and talents, I'm going to go help a lot of people. And people are kind of dumbfounded when I do this exercise. They're like, wow, yeah, that's not at all how I thought about it. Then the person over here who we're calling humble, who's like, I'm not that big a deal. I'm not that important. I said, who's the only person who talked about when they stood up? themselves? How's that humble? How's that unselfish. So the person that we call selfish and egotistical, I actually think is probably one of the most courageous, humble, unselfish people in the room, because they're like, I'm willing to embrace my greatness, and I'm willing to embrace how much I matter. Because it's not about me, it's about the difference I can go make for others. And then the person over here in the name of humility, who's like, I'm not that big a deal. And I'm not this. And just ask yourself, which of those two people throughout their lifetime will likely help and serve more people, and probably the first one. And so it's like, I would way rather over index on speaking possibility into my children, my spouse, my family, my team, and run the risk of them being too confident, or too cocky or too egotistical, then I would over indexing on withholding and having them not believe in themselves. And I think you can actually do that without them ever becoming egotistical or cocky, or by continuing to remind them that, yes, you're amazing, and it's not about you. So the fine line there is it, we wouldn't ever want it for ourselves or anyone else to cross. Oh, I'm really amazing. And I'm better than others. No, it's like, I'm really amazing. I have some incredible talents. I like myself, I believe in myself, I think highly of myself. And guess what all that comes with, it comes with an opportunity and a responsibility to go help a lot of people. Because I can promise you that if you don't believe in yourself, if you don't think it's okay to think highly of yourself. And if you're self just a facing all the time, you're gonna be so wrapped up in you. And I was there for many years, my life, you don't think about going out and making a difference for other people. You just think about self preservation. And so it's not a valid concern. Now you want to pour as much as you can into people like over index on being generous to you know, uncompassionate with your your praise and, and your language and at the same time. Don't be afraid to have an authentic conversation with someone when that's also what's useful. I'm going to serve them but I just think we got a totally backwards in most situations in life.

Meredith Bell: 00:24:47

Love that distinction you just made? Because that's been my experience to people who are unwilling or reluctant to give that positive feedback. that praise or speaking possibility into others have issues about themselves hold out and how they feel about themselves, the deeper we can love ourselves, the more freely I think we can give to others and, and look forward to expand, it's not a competition, it's not a situation where we are less than if we enhance someone else's being.

Chris Smith: 00:25:28

One, it's yeah, it's I love that it's like, like possibilities a barrel of oil. Meaning, the more I give out, the lesser is for me, it's like no, the more the more I give out, the more I speak possibility, the more that comes back to me, it's like there's an infinite supply of it. Like there's no, there's no shelf life, you know. And you're right, like a leaders reluctance to speak possibility to others or their or their challenge to love others, that's actually just a direct reflection of their own sense of possibility and love that they have for themselves. And so one of the things that we're always teaching our our clients as well as well, Meredith is like, be bold. Don't be afraid to be the person that stands up in front of a room and say, I matter. I'm incredible. And I can help a lot of people were so nervous about being bold, because like, what if people don't like me? Or what if I'm, you know, proceed this way. And another funny analogy I always give is, like, I say, you know, I called the humble heart surgeon. So let's, let's say, Meredith, that you, unfortunately, are going to have open heart surgery. And the first sort of Trojan comes in and says, Hey, Meredith, I know you're going to have open heart surgery, and it's gonna be really scary. I just want to let you know that I'm pretty good at what I do. You know, I'm not the best. I'm not the worst. No one's died yet. And all my operating table, I graduated about bottom third of my class, but I think you're going to be okay, so let's give it a go. Okay, so that's the first heart surgeon, second heart surgeon comes in and goes, Hey, Meredith, I know this is really scary. And I just want you to know, I'm one of the best in the world at what I do. My team is one of the best in the world at what they do. We have done this hundreds of times we could do with our eyes closed, you have nothing to worry about. You are in the best hands you could possibly be in, we will have you back up and running in no time. In fact, you'll come out of this better than you came in, you have nothing to worry about. We've got you. Like which heart surgeon would you rather go with the humble one, or the one who knows who they are? Right. So it's like, that's a really interesting analogy of the first person isn't in service to you. The second heart surgeon is really in service to you. They're telling you about how amazing they are, but not because they want to like be impressed me and they want to impress you. They're telling you how amazing they are to serve you. As

Meredith Bell: 00:27:42

You know, Chris, that's so powerful. What you're saying. And what instantly came to my mind is one of my favorite sentences ever from any book, the prosperous coach by Steve Chandler and rich lift Lipton. And I, it's been several years ago since I first read that book. And the sentence that jumped out at me is so aligned with what you're saying, this whole conversation in the sentences before you have a conversation with someone, and especially when you're intentional about speaking possibility into them. This question is amazing. How can I serve this person so powerfully that they never forget our conversation for the rest of their life? When we do that, it's exactly what you're saying. When we're speaking possibility into them. And they feel it. They sense that genuine genuineness in our words. It lasts for two years or a lifetime. You know, it's, it's just amazing. I just think the connection there is this very powerful. Yeah,

Chris Smith: 00:28:52

And I think I would assume that a lot of those types of conversations, right, a conversation that impacts on the rest of their life. It also probably carries with it like possibility, but also again, like a fearlessness and a boldness, like, that's the kind of conversation where someone's willing to tell you the truth, even if it's confronting, they're hard to hear, and even if it's hard for them to say, but they're like, I'm committed, I'm too committed to you, to not tell you the truth, to not speak this possibility, like whatever it is, I'm, I'm too committed to you not to love you not to challenge you not to support you. Yeah, and those kinds of conversations, you know, I can think of, not a lot of them, sadly, but I can think of some that have impacted me and will impact me for the rest of my life. And that says a lot about who that person was being in that conversation. Now, it doesn't just say what who I was being in my receptiveness to hearing it. Who were they being, you know, from that place of possibility and boldness and leadership?

Meredith Bell: 00:29:47

Well, I have a question for you. I'd love to have you give examples, because I know this is something you're practicing in every area of your life speaking possibility, instead of reinforcing, limiting thoughts and beliefs that people have of themselves. So I'd love for you to share how you do this in various areas of your life, with your wife, with your children, with your team members, with your clients, I think it would be fascinating to get concrete examples of what that looks like.

Chris Smith: 00:30:20

Yeah, I'd be happy to and I think a little bit, just a backup to that I'll give you that some more context is, is first to understand that when we were first born, right, like you just look at a newborn baby infant, they're just perfect. They're pure. And my belief is, they're only born with one voice inside of them. And I call it the voice of possibility. So the only thing that's available to that newborn infant in their minds is infinite possibility, love and freedom, right. And you don't have to tell a newborn infant Hey, you really matter. They just kind of know it, they just do. You don't have to tell a newborn baby infant, hey, you're enough. Right? Because they just are you don't have to tell a newborn baby infant, hey, you make a difference. You belong here. So the reason I share that with people, Meredith is because that's how that's who we were born to be. We were born being enough. We were born mattering, we were born worthy. We were born, making a difference filled with possibility. And sadly, what happens to all of us at various ages is another voice starts to get introduced to us. And here's the here's the most important part to realize that was never meant to be part of who we are. It's man made or woman made. It's a creation out there in the world. And that's the voice of limitation. And at some point in our childhood, it gets introduced to us now the voice of possibilities still louder, thankfully, as a kid, so although you start having these thoughts of like, do I really matter? Or do I make a difference? Or should I look more like that? Or should it look more like, you know, I mean, but the voice of possibility still louder? And it still reminds you of like, oh, no, I do matter. I am enough. I'm, I'm good just the way I am. Sadly, though, we don't teach young children or adults and for that matter, how to continue listening to the voice of possibility and how to talk to themselves through it. So the voice of limitation just gets louder and louder and louder. And the voice of possibility gets quieter and quieter and quieter, right? And you see this all the time in teenagers today, sadly. And the voice of limitation gets so loud, telling us things like you don't matter, you're not enough. You don't make a difference. You know, why can't you look more like so and so by k, we and we listen to the voice of the limitations, and we hear it so loudly. We think it's the only voice that's ever been there. And sadly, we start to believe it. And we start to think it's actually who we are. When it's not who we are. It was never even meant to be part of us. It's just what we've come to believe about ourselves and these judgments about ourselves. So that first and foremost is kind of useful for people to realize like Oh, so you mean to tell me and I've had a lot of adults who find them. It's kind of interesting, like, see me that told me these bots that I have with myself every day like, I'm not enough? I don't matter. I'm not good enough. Fill in the blank. You're telling me that maybe that's not who I am. I'm like, Yeah, I know. It feels like it's who you are, it feels very real, like it did to me, right? And here's the good news. You can fire that voice of possibility back up, because it's still in you. You can talk to yourself through the voice of possibility more than you listen to yourself through the voice of limitation. And that's an interesting thought. Do you talk to yourself more? Or do you listen to yourself more? Because even now, my like, as much as I studied this, Meredith, I'm a susceptible as anyone if I'm not careful. If I if I get kind of lazy about talking to myself and reinforcing who I am through my, my declarations and my document my manifesto, my im statements. Well guess what, if I'm not talking to myself, the voice of limitation never stops talking to me. It'll start creeping back up, and I'll start believing it, then I have to be like, Oh, hold on. Well, that's not who I am. Right? So you can either talk to yourself or listen to yourself. And I believe that when we're we're listening to ourselves, the danger, the dangerous part of that is, that's not actually us. It's not a narrative we're in control of. And again, no one ever taught me this, like, I learned the hard way into my 30s. Like, wait a minute, you're telling me it's, it's this simple, I can just tell myself who I am. I can proactively and consistently remind myself of who I am, and speak possibility into myself. More than I listen to these thoughts that I've been listening to, for most of my life, it's like, yeah, that's why I'm so passionate about teaching kids at a young age. Because if we can start teaching kids how to talk to themselves when they're little, they still hear that. What if they never lose the battle? What What if it doesn't have to get lopsided like this, right? So unfortunately, for me, I had to crawl deep deep into the valley of limitation. And then it took me a while to crawl out of it to start to win the narrative again, and start to believe that I mattered that I was enough, right. So I just set that context because that's an interesting thought. I think To like realize, and I also think, Meredith, that a lot of times as adults, we think, Well, if I can just do something to become enough, right? If I can just do something to finally matter if I can just do something to finally be and make a difference, and it's like, no, no, no, you already matter, you already are enough. That's how you were born. So it's, instead of a becoming, I've started really believing and teaching, it's more like a reclaiming, like mattering is already in you. worthiness is already in you. enoughness is already in you, because you were born that way, remember. So it's like, I'm actually on a journey of just striving to become who I've already always been. Which kind of sounds interesting. And I'm just striving to become who God already has made me to be. So instead of a becoming, it's more like a returning. And instead of learning for me, it's almost more like an unlearning, like, unlearning these judgments and these limitations, right. And so one of the ways that you can start to speak possibility in yourself very practically, is you can start to tell yourself, who you are and who you want to be, even if it's not quite real yet. And I know that really limits a lot of people like, I felt like I was recently working with a woman married us who mazing woman, two beautiful little children. And we were helping her realize that she spent a lot of time listening to herself through the voice of limitation. And it's not a narrative she likes. It's not a narrative she's in control of. And that was like, eye opening, and kind of empowering, like, Oh, so you mean, I could do something about this, like narrative that goes on up here? It's like, yeah, he can. So we started helping her, identify these judgments she has, let go of those, replace them with some truths about who she is and who she wants to become. And one of them in particular was really hard for her. And that was, she came up with this declaration. I am the mother My children deserve, which is a really powerful. And she did it to me. She goes, Chris, I can't even say it out loud, though, because I don't actually believe it. So so how do I say something out loud that like the cognitive dissonance is so far from me? And I said, here's something that's really hopeful. You don't have to believe it. You just have to want to believe it. Wanting to believe something is a great place to start. And that's still belief, wanting to believe his faith. She goes, I said, So do you want to believe? And she goes, yeah, she goes, but I don't. She kept having to remind me. I know, you don't believe it. But do you want to? And she said, Yeah. And I said, Well, let's start with just wanting to. So we changed the im to, I want to believe that I'm the mother My children deserve. But I said, I promise you if you keep saying this, that wanting to believe, by saying it will, it'll start to that seed will start to take some root and you'll start believing it. And about two weeks ago, she goes, something's happening with me saying I want to believe and it started, I'm actually think I'm starting to believe it. And so, so my point in saying all of this is, I think sometimes people hear this and be like, well, what if what if I'm not there yet, and that was hard for me like 15 years ago to say, I am an amazing husband and father, I am a successful entrepreneur, because I wasn't I wasn't even close. But I wanted to believe and that's what I held on to. I want to believe I could be a successful husband and father, I want to believe I could be a successful entrepreneur, I just wanting to. And sticking with a long enough, I started to actually believe now there were there other there were other areas of my life that was easier to get to like, I could see that I am that or I could easily become it. And so the very first place I start with people is like, Well, what do you want to believe about yourself? And people push back, why don't I didn't ask you what you do believe? What do you want to believe about yourself? Well, I'd love to believe that. I'm amazing. I'd love to believe that I matter. I'd love to believe that I make a difference. I'd love to believe I'm a powerful leader. I'd love to believe I'm enough. Let's start there.

Chris Smith: 00:39:03

And not just start by creating a statements. The consistency of again, let's talk to ourselves often, and reinforce who we are. Let's not lose the battle to the voice of limitation. Let's Let's win the battle through the voice of possibility. Let's talk to ourselves more than we listen to ourselves. And so I tell myself things about who I am as a husband, who I am as a father, I tell myself things about who I am as entrepreneur every day. Right? So you asked about some practical ones as it relates to family so I'm going to start kind of midway into my document or my manifesto. So one of mine is my wife Melissa is my hero. I'm unwavering love, support, belief, commitment, confidence, patience, faith, understanding, hope and belief in her and her dreams. She is brilliant, talented, gorgeous, beautiful, powerful, sexy and fabulous. And she's absolutely perfect just the way she is. I check in with her daily to ask her how her day is going. My five children Tate Tanner ah trip in India are my best friends and their most committed, connected, loving, patient kind, understanding, forgiving, fun, compassionate Father, I'm inspired by them daily and do everything in my power to help them discover and live in their gifts. I treat Melissa Tate Tanner, I be trippin at the way Jesus would I am that nothing is worth getting frustrated over I am that nothing is worth complaining about. I am that nothing is worth overreacting to. I accept everyone and everything. I am that no one benefits from my criticism and judgment. And yet everyone benefits from my love and forgiveness. I am that I only have love and blessings for those who might want to judge. That's just a small part of mine. But like, I speak that possibility into myself, and am I that everyday Meredith? You can ask my wife and kids, they'll tell you, I am not that every day. But I don't also get hung up on that. And I don't judge myself every single day like was I? Or was I not? It's like, this is what I'm striving to become? This is why I'm striving to like it's like it's a place to come from and live into? And am I more likely to be those things by consistently speaking that possibility to myself, then I wasn't? Absolutely. Because if I'm not careful, I'll sit around and start listening to myself. And that'll and the voice of limitation will start telling me things like, you're not a great husband. You're not a present father, you work too much. You're this you know, and I'll start really buying into that and believing it when it's not true. So one last thing I'll say about this is anything spoken to you by the voice of limitation? It's not true. Everything spoken to you through the worst of possibility is true. And a really great way to just say that. So Meredith, if you were to say, I don't matter. Would that feel good? No. So one of the things that I say that's super accessible, and this is a friend of mine, David Bear said this, if it doesn't feel good, when talking to yourself by yourself, if it doesn't feel good, it's likely not true. If it doesn't feel good, it's likely not true. Now, Meredith, if you said to yourself, I really matter. Does that feel good? Absolutely.

Meredith Bell: 00:42:03

Because

Chris Smith: 00:42:05

it's true. So the things that we speak to ourselves through the voice of of possibility. They feel good, because they're true. Or the things we want to believe about ourselves, they feel good, because they're true. The things that we speak to ourselves through the voice of limitation. They don't feel good. I don't they feel good, because they're not true. So this is like very practical. To your point earlier, it's like, you could do this every single day.

Meredith Bell: 00:42:30

We you know, as you were asking the question about this feel good, does it not feel good. I want to circle back to the example you're giving him this woman who wanted to believe she was the mother her kids deserve. In a sense, that didn't feel good to her at first, because it didn't feel true. It felt like she was being an authentic or inauthentic. And so there's that distinction, I think we need to learn to recognize does something not feel good? Why does it not feel good? Because we don't think it's true for us yet. So we feel like we don't deserve to state it that way yet? Or? Or is it something we're blaming and criticizing and judging ourselves for in a negative way? And I think that judging is such a key word.

Chris Smith: 00:43:23

Yeah, that's a great distinction. You're right. Sometimes there might be some things that you want to believe that still might not feel good, because it feels inauthentic. But if you can realize, but how would it feel to actually believe this? Well, that would feel really good. How does it feel to believe that I'm not the mother My children deserve? Or never will be? Well, yeah, that doesn't feel good. That's a cat. It's not true. And so it's like, I think a lot of times, without knowing it, what I did most of my life, and then no one ever told me this again, I just, I didn't realize I was sitting around all day, listening to thoughts about myself that weren't true. But I really believe they were It really felt true to me. It's like, No, I am worthless. Like I look at all this evidence I have. And it's like just amazing what can happen when you start speaking a little bit of possibility and yourself. Even if you don't believe it quite yet. It's just the wanting to and sometimes what kickstarts you wanting to speak possibility in yourself is someone else does it. And that's what my experience was I had people who spoke possibility to me at a time when I couldn't see any. But that's what kind of kick started it for me. And I think that's who we can be for others. Now, at some point in time, I had to start also speaking possibility to myself, I couldn't just rely on them to do it forever. But man, they gave me a really great jumpstart into possibility. I guess you could say,

Meredith Bell: 00:44:43

you know, what you're also speaking to Chris to me is Who am I surrounding myself with? Am I you know, am I in an environment where people, lots of people are speaking possibility into me He or am I surrounded by critics? And so, you know, I think that's such a key piece for our ability to speak possibility into ourselves is who are we surrounding ourselves with?

Chris Smith: 00:45:13

I love that. You said that I spoke to a group of kids yesterday, probably about 25 of young kids between the ages of like four to like teenagers. And on this whole conversation, limitation, possibility, and kids, kids understand this kid's grasp, and I was like, Whoa, and they latch on. And every kid was creating im statements and sharing them. And it's powerful. And one of the things I just felt impressed at toward the end of the call is about the integral, hey, one more thing I want to share with you. If you find yourself often in situation, or groups of people or environments, where the situation or the people are making you feel bad about yourself, and speaking limitation into you, you really want to consider distancing yourself from that environment, situation, those, those people, and you really want to get in environments, and around people that fill you up with possibility to make you feel good about yourself. So that is so, so important. And sometimes that's difficult. You know, you might, some people, you know, might live in the home, right now listening to this, or the majority of the people around them speak in limitation, live in limitation, and even speaking into them. And that's where you've, you've got to be advocating for yourself, right? And counteracting that to the best of your ability, and then really like, look at how can I surround myself more with people who are living in possibility speaking possibility, because we'll find whatever we're looking for, that's what's so fascinating about the brain is it finds evidence for whatever you so if you if you want to find limitation, you will find all of it that you need, and then more. If you want to find possibility, you'll find infinite supply of it. And one, one just real practical thing, Meredith. And this it's so practical and been so transformative, though, that it's just, it's almost like it's too simple. And a lot of people kind of dismiss it when I first say this to them, and then they'll come back around sometimes months or years later and be like, Wow, that thing you said to me. And this is something that I learned the hard way is that when Melissa and I decided we were going to really fight for our marriage, that it was at a time when our marriage still wasn't great. It wasn't like we had this really struggling marriage, and then all sudden, we decided to fight for it was like amazing. No, it was like, it was just as bad as it had ever been. We were now just deciding to fight for it. And one one of the realizations and listen I had one day was it just kind of hit both of us upside the head, like we say that we want to have a great marriage. And yet, the only thing we ever talk about is what we don't like about our marriage. What isn't working in our marriage, what we don't want in our marriage, and what we don't have in our marriage. And it was just so eye opening and so obvious to us. It had never been obvious before that, but it's so obvious, like, how would we ever create the marriage we want? If the only thing we talked about and focus on is what we don't want? What is it working? So in the talking about what we don't want and what isn't working, we just create more of what we don't want, what is it working, or doing it to ourselves. So we made a conscious choice, Meredith, hey, we won't be perfect at this. But let's really strive to talk about what we do want our marriage, let's really strive to talk about what is working. And that was tough, because we actually had more evidence at that time of what wasn't working what we didn't want. But there were still some things that were working. There were still some things we did want. And a lot of times we have people all the time, right? How did you guys save your marriage and create something beautiful out of it? And I think they're disappointed a lot of times on our answer because they are looking for something way more profound. And we always tell them, This is the first lesson. The very first thing we did is we stopped talking to each other and others and on our minds about what we didn't like, what we didn't like about our marriage and what wasn't working. When we put all of our energy and our thoughts and our talking in our language towards what we did want and what was working. I think most people are shocked at how much better their lives get pretty fast within a day a week's time. If they just said, Okay, I'm going to try and experiment for the next day. 24 hours or the next week, I'm going to really strive to only talk about and think about what is working in my life and when I do want and I'm not going to put energy any energy towards what I don't like and what isn't working. Because what you don't like and what isn't working lives in limitation. What you do like and what could work and why it lives in possibility. So it's almost like we're looking for we're looking for one or the other. And it's so simple that again, a lot of people kind of just they hear that they go okay and I'm like no really try it out. Like really try in every situation your life. Think about what you do like will and what is working and what you want. because we think sometimes we're saying the same thing. Like, we've heard stories and research that a lot of young girls, for example, will some, or women will say, Well, yeah, when I was a young girl, I knew I did not want to marry someone like my dad. So I told myself throughout my life, I will not marry someone like my dad, I will not marry someone like my dad, I will not marry someone like my dad. And guess what happened. I married someone just like my dad. Because by focusing on what I didn't want, and it would have been so much more useful had someone taught them. Let's not talk about what we don't want. No usefulness and speaking limitation. The flip side of that would be, I want to marry someone who's loving, kind and smart, like talking about what you want. And you'll create it. Talk about what you don't want. And you'll create that status

Meredith Bell: 00:50:52

So it's, you're right, it's simple, and yet so profound. Because as I'm listening to you, I'm just thinking about all the different ways that can be applied, whether it's our spouse, one of our kids that might drive us crazy, or, you know, a neighbor, or a team member or a boss, all these individuals that we tend to focus on what's wrong with them, and what we don't like about them, versus looking at what do I value? Yeah,

Chris Smith: 00:51:22

Even like health. I hear from people all the time talking about what they don't want their health. No, listen, you know, like, I don't want to be this overweight, I don't want to have this situation. I don't want this knee pain. I don't want I don't want I don't want that like, but I think it almost feels good Meredith to talk about what we don't want, because that almost kind of feels like we're doing something about it. And then always say, Okay, thanks for telling what we don't want, what do you want? What's Well, I want to walk a mile pain free, I want to hike again, I want to like, okay, let's feed that. Let's create more of what you do want. Yeah, not create more of what you don't want. But it's so easy for our mind to go there around people, situations, you know, areas of our life.

Meredith Bell: 00:52:07

Purpose, you know, we've, we've come to the end of our time together, the time has flown by, and I was right, in my introduction, you exceeded even what I had envisioned. We have focused on what we wanted to create in this conversation. And it's been awesome. Thank you. For all the gems that you have shared today. It's so thought provoking. I want to encourage our listeners to go back and listen to this multiple times. Because I guarantee you, it's going to trigger your thinking about different situations in your life, that if you focus on the possibility, as Chris has just been talking about, instead of the limitations, what you don't want, miracles can happen. Chris, tell people how they can connect with you and learn more about the work that you're doing. Because I know we'll have some folks really interested in doing both.

Chris Smith: 00:53:04

Yeah. And so here's a link PSBLTY.co. So again, that's how we spell possibility. PSBLTY. And Meredith, I believe you can put this in the show notes as well, right? Yeah. And if you go to PSBLTY.co, we just have some really incredible, a free resource that we created to just be able to give back and serve. And it's called the clarity code. Because I think one of the things that a lot of people really struggle with is clarity. And when you might ask around what's like? Well, anything you ask most anyone, like, especially if you ask an entrepreneur, what do you really want to do in your business? And who do you really want to serve? It's like, I don't know, that's the problem, you know, clarity is actually confronting work. And we've realized that the possibility company, that's one of the things that we're really great at is helping entrepreneurs and organizations and just even individuals get clarity really quickly on who they actually are, and what it is they're actually committed to. And so we have this, you know, this resource that you know, we love just giving it as a gift. And so if you go to PSBLTY.co, you can download the clarity code and go through it. And we've had a lot of individuals, entrepreneurs, organizations who have come back to us and said, Wow, that that course was really helpful in just helping me get some clarity of like, who I am and what I'm committed to.

Meredith Bell: 00:54:20

Great, thank you so much for sharing that. And I assume they can find out more about you as well. There and what social media would you prefer people look for you on?

Chris Smith: 00:54:31

Yeah, you know, I put out a lot of content on Instagram, again, all designed and aimed at helping people see what's possible. So my instagram handle is Chris Carter Smith. So if you search Chris Carter Smith, yeah, I'd be honored to have you follow me on Instagram. And I promise you that I'm committed to putting out content that inspires possibility and lives in this these domains of leadership, language and love. And, you know, one of the things that I'm really committed to, is I really want to be The the most in this summer I've created with Steve. And our time together is I want to be the most relevant, relatable and recognizable voice on the planet. And I don't say that because has anything to do with me. I want to be the most relevant, recognizable and relatable voice on the planet. Because of the difference I believe I can make for others, and helping them live in possibility more than limitation and avoid a lot of just suffering that I went through.

Meredith Bell: 00:55:25

I firmly believe that that is possible for you, because you demonstrated all three. So clearly here in our conversation today, Chris, I admire you, I admire who you're being in the world. I love your commitment to your purpose of helping people really focus on what's possible for them. And shifting from a way away from those limitations. Thank you so much for being with me today with our listeners and for all the good you're doing in the world. I'm so happy to have a platform here the last us to share that in a bigger way. Well,

Chris Smith: 00:56:06

I think all the things goes to you, America, thanks for being an incredible leader and host and for the responsibility of you know, hosting the podcast and doing all your you know, major, you made my job easy. I just had to show up, you have all the hard work. So thanks for being incredible leader of the podcast.

Meredith Bell: 00:56:20

And we'll be talking again soon, I hope

Chris Smith: 00:56:24

Thank you.

Chris Smith: 00:56:27

TUCP Intro/Outro: Thank you for joining us today. If there's someone you know who could benefit from this conversation, please share this episode with them. Also, check out our website being movement.com You'll find valuable resources and links to connect to an engaging and wonderfully supportive community. Together, we can inspire and support each other on the path to a greater understanding of being. Until next time, take care and be kind to yourself