Making The Shift From Doing To Being - Jennifer Nielson

Speaker: 00:00:04

TUCP Intro/Outro: Thank you for tuning in to The Ultimate Coach podcast, a companion to the transformative book, The Ultimate coach, written by Amy Hardison, and Alan D. Thompson. Each conversation is designed to be a powerful wake up call, reminding us of what's possible for you and your life. So if you're on a journey to expand your state of being, this podcast is for you.

Meredith Bell: 00:00:37

Thanks, thank you for joining me for another episode of The Ultimate coach Podcast. I'm one of your hosts, Meredith bell. And I'm so glad to have you with me today. I'm excited to have as our guest today, Jennifer Nielsen, Jennifer, welcome to the show.

Jennifer Nielson: 00:00:55

Hello, I'm so excited to be here.

Meredith Bell: 00:00:58

You know, Jennifer, you and I have only recently met, but what a great conversation we had. And some of the things that I remember from our conversation that I would love to share with our listeners, before we jump in is first and foremost, you're a mother and grandmother, that something that I know you're very proud of, you've also had a lot of trauma in your life, that's influenced the work that you have done with women, especially in the area of resilience, because you've learned so much about that, yourself. And you've also worked with women, as a coach, you've conducted retreats around the world, presenting some wonderful opportunities for these women to experience things they've never been able to experience before. And so you have this rich background, that I am going to just thoroughly enjoy exploring with you today. So why don't you pick up wherever you would like to on your own journey and and get started there?

Jennifer Nielson: 00:02:07

Oh, well, thanks again, for having me. And I really did enjoy your conversation. And so I I think sometimes when you've been kind of doing the work that I've been doing for so long, sometimes I have this little bit of amnesia as to what I've accomplished, how far I've come. And what I've been able to help create in the world, because I tend to be that person that's forward focused. And, you know, as so much of our conversation is about me being in that doing phase and not really understanding that that's how I was in such a push energy and doing that I was so focused on the next thing, I wasn't fully enjoying the being. And what I found, especially in the healing world, the coaching world in general, sometimes we kind of trick ourselves with some tools and some information and some shifts and to thinking that we've cracked the code that we figured it out. And of course, it's all baby steps. We're never going to just go from A to Z. But I think for me, I got to a place where I'd had my own program of helping women I had a program was called The Dig where I trained women to be resilience coaches. As you had mentioned, I had taken women all over the world, hundreds of women on incredible retreats, one of my favorites was to France. And we did that in a couple of times, I rented a chateau. We did hot air balloon rides over the French countryside and went on boat rides and bike rides and had wonderful food. And it was just it 26 Women on my first retreat. And I've had these incredible opportunities to impact women, that as I was impacting women, it was obviously the impact for myself was was profound. But as I went along in this in this work, I had, you know, I had a podcast, I've written a few books, there was so much that I had accomplished that somewhere along the way, what started me on this journey of helping others which which was essentially my own healing journey that led to me helping others, the doing of having a business, the pressure of having an entire team of people, and all the things that that was required of me to have this to manage to support the growth of my business. I had lost a little bit of the zest and the joy of just being with women and just being a part of their miracles and helping them see possibilities and sharing with them. You know, the things that I've learned along the way because as you know, we've never we never figure it out. Completely. In fact, I feel like the more I learn the more I travel, the less I know and now It's this this not knowing it's been such a freeing place to be, which has allowed me to be more on the being than the doing. And so when we connected, we talked a lot about kind of where I'm in a pause in my work right now, because essentially, I went into this phase of burnout. And now I'm really focused on getting back into the being. So whatever my impact will be, as I step back into that world, again, it will look very different, because nothing is worth the cost of my own spiritual growth, my own emotional well being financial, I mean, I, I had gotten to a place where I was willing to do whatever I needed to do. That there was some sacrifices that I made that I had justified because of my commitment to my mission, to my desire to help others. But in that process, it had affected me in a way that it had left me again, in a burnout, that's still a simple way to explain it, I was just burnout. So I'm currently in a pause.

Meredith Bell: 00:06:13

And one of the things that led up to your realization that you are in this state of burnout, because I think this is relevant for our listeners, because sometimes we're so busy, as you said in the doing, and pushing and from a, from a positive sense, the fulfillment of our commitments. And yet, if it's taking a toll on our own well being, then that isn't serving as well. So what were some of the things that you started noticing that caused you to become more aware that you were entering into this burnout phase?

Jennifer Nielson: 00:06:48

While the trickery is it is so insidious, because it's almost I didn't had one coach say to me, like when I talked about needing to pull back, because you're quitting on yourself, you're quitting on this. And I was, like, may not honoring what I know that I really need to do would be quitting on myself. My nature is to push when you've had the kind of trauma that I've had, I realized that my my capacity to almost be a workaholic, or to push past levels that most people might, they might, they might pause. And when you say when was that realization, it really, really came became really clear, I did a big event. About a year and a half ago, it was called unstoppable. And we had an incredible turnout, we had a really amazing author, Glenn and Doyle come and speak. And it was, but whatever it took to put that event on, like, we created it for nothing. It the amount that we invested in terms of time, money, all of the things, it didn't have the payoff in the end that we were hoping, but the toll that it took on me personally, because what I realized is I hired people to do certain roles, I would end up either taking on their roles, or like my stopping point, it was very different than other people's. And when you have a partner, and she was in her way, always struggling, like it was really hard for both of us, it became very clear that what I was able to do and what others April's to do, like, there was there was a, there was a difference there, there was a disparity there. And I don't say that in a way, that's necessarily a positive thing. Because what it did to me again, emotionally, physically, spiritually, all the things I kept pushing and pushing and pushing, when most people wouldn't have kept pushing. So when that was all said and done, I had been a coach for four years, that really in the end, it wasn't necessarily a positive experience. And so I had been so invested in all of these things that I just, I guess the question that I asked myself when I really when it came down to it is Who would I be without any of this? Like, would I be okay, if I was just me without all these accomplishments without all the things that I've been doing, and it was a really, really humbling place to be because so much of my coping for and my trauma came in all these compensatory, you know, behavior patterns and these things that I took on it. So I got to the point where it wasn't just my business. Everything came on the chopping block, my religion and my breast implants taken out. I certain relationships, my business, like everything I wanted to be able to look at, honestly, and say, Is this what's benefiting me as this in my best interest to have this in my life, and am I taking it on because I need it to feel like, I'm good enough or that I that I have validity, like or where it's just be being me enough. And so this was my journey during this time I felt very compelled to have a V with session with Steve. And this is a very uncomfortable place for me to be because pushing and doing is more natural for me pausing, and just being me Wow. Like, I had never done that before my whole life, I'd been a doer, I've been kind of the minimum of the family, like I take on all these roles. And I went into Steve and we just sat there. And I just kind of given him my whole spiel, and he just kind of stopped me and he says, Jennifer, what have your greatest purpose in life was just to heal yourself? And as he said, that I could feel this resistance coming to me of like, oh, no, but like, I want to help melee and then I have all these things I want to do I have all these grand ideas. And and it just, I just pause in it just to really ask that question. What if that was all? Like, my main purpose in life? Was to heal myself? And why wouldn't that be enough? Why did I feel like an order to prove my worth and my healing, to earn it somehow I had to do all of these things, when really that was enough. And so as I sat with Steve, and he was so kinda I was met with such unconditional love, as we've all experienced with Steve, whether you've had a veto session or not, Steve is love. And I just remember, as I, you know, looked throughout my life, all these identities that I took on, and these impressions that people had of me, and all these things I felt like I had to do in that one moment, I don't think I've ever had anyone that just fully gave me permission to let go of all of it, that's really scary. And so as I was leaving, he put his arm around, and he says, Jennifer, there's no need to prove or push anymore. And he said, Okay, so I sat with that for a little while. And it really was a profound moment for me. Because what I heard from him is probably would have loved would have loved to have heard from my own parents, or for the people. You know, my whole life, it was almost like the more recognition I got, the more it fueled that desire to do more, and to be more and to be good, and to excel and to achieve. And I graduated Summa Quwata, from college, and I had five kids, and I've had these businesses and I traveled all over the world. And all these things look great. But at the end of the day, what was lacking was really that inner okayness like, I am, okay, I could get rid of all of it. And I would I be okay. And that's what I've been sitting with for the last little over a year of this being. And it's beautiful. And it's scary, and it's lonely. But I had to eliminate all the distractions to fully tune in to my inner self, to know what I needed to do. So that I could be joy and peace. And what that looked like for me it was letting go of law that a lot of the doing.

Meredith Bell: 00:13:47

And as a doer myself, I know how hard that can be to take the time to step back and go inside and really look at I think it would be really helpful for our other listeners who, like me, like you tend to focus on their doing and often see what they do as validation of their worse. What were some of the things that helped you shift from focusing on doing and relax into if I could say it that way into this state of being where you could experience joy and peace?

Jennifer Nielson: 00:14:30

That's a really good question. Well, first, what I will say is, I would I would imagine the most of us in this world of coaching and healing. What I've seen as a trend of our own healing process, and our own epiphanies and our own desire to share what we've learned with others is what helped us land in this particular line of work, right. And for me, you know, for me, my trauma The things that I had experienced as a child really didn't become clear to me till until I was about my mid 30s. And it had been suppressed for so long. But it was pretty, pretty deep, deep trauma that led us to ended up, I ended up having to go through a whole trial repress charges against one of the individuals that was my perpetrator, it was actually relative. And the whole process of doing that it took almost seven years, and it really took a toll on my family on me, I mean, being a pleaser, and someone that did not want to rock the boat, I was rocking the boat. And through that process, I had to get really comfortable with being not only uncomfortable, but letting people down. Because there was many people that just wanted this to go away and didn't want the disruption. But I knew that the children were not safe around this person. i My motivation wasn't for justice for myself, it was to protect children. And so we went through that whole process. It was grueling it. I mean, we against all odds, we ended up ended up getting convicted, and one or two years in prison, which will kind of give you a small idea of the gravity of the crimes. They were brutal. I will just say that me being here is a miracle. Like, there were times when I had what I would call near death experiences where I left my body, we're not just dissociating. But I had those experiences where I felt like what I saw was Christ. That was with me that helped me through these really hard experiences. So to kind of circle back to your question, there's been this pattern for me of like, we had this, you know, he's in prison now, this big accomplishment. And people would come up to me and be like, I bet you have so much closure Now you can finally move on. And all I could think of is, what if he didn't get convicted? What I never have closure? Can I never have peace? And so that was one of those opportunities, where I really had to ask myself, would I be okay, if it was a different outcome? So that was the same question I had to ask myself, when I could feel myself just like, I was not thriving. But I felt this obligation to these women that I'd helped and served and I'd created a system where I was the leader, and they looked up to me, and they counted on me and I'd help so many people and I felt this duty that I need to be strong, I need to I need to do this people relying on me, this was kind of this role that I've taken on my whole life. And so you can see that you know, how it just played out in so many ways, which gave me the strength to move forward and press charges. And it wasn't just me that there was other family members. But it was this life long mantle that I carried of began as a little girl, Kennedy, the mother of my family, where my mom was overwhelmed and struggled with depression. And I kind of took on the role of making dinners and taking care of siblings. And you know, even like, you know, just even at 10 years old, I was cooking meals, I took a roast out of an oven at 10 years old, spilled it on my chest with my arms and had third degree burns and I was 10. So you're now an adult, still treating myself as if I had to keep doing things that really were not my best interest that were causing me emotional strain, physical strain. And so it became almost a necessity like, my, my it was like this inner screaming it wasn't whispers anymore. It's like enough is enough. And Enough is enough.

Meredith Bell: 00:19:06

It sounds like he started listening to

Jennifer Nielson: 00:19:09

Listen to myself to that that inner inner voice and letting go with disappointing people. And letting go of the perception that I have it figured out because guess what, I don't have it figured out. I have learned a lot. I have a lot of knowledge and information. My brain is like a sponge, by ability to teach. And to love people and meet them where they are is it's a gift that I have to be able to take women on experiences and help them see the world in a way they wouldn't otherwise be able to do these are these gifts that I have and that I love to do. But anytime it goes from I'm doing this because I feel called to do it to I have to do this. This is my method and it turns it into a different type of energy. Yeah,

Meredith Bell: 00:19:59

I can see easily. And you know, just listening to you in the story and what you've been through and how you emerged. And really your, your, your body, your heart, your gut all making clear to you it was time paying attention by when paying attention. Yeah, it's unfortunate that we have to get to that place sometimes of such pain that we've got to, to take a look. In yet you have in, in taking this pause, it just feels to me listening to you, like you're coming out of this even stronger. And with greater awareness of where you are taking action based on your genuine desire to give versus the cut feeling compelled to do this driven to do it not not being able to relax into it, I think there's a real difference when we feel our actions coming from a place of ease and grace versus forced in and heavy. There's a whole different energy in both of those. And it sounds like you're really focusing on creating that positive, relaxed with ease kind of enegry

Jennifer Nielson: 00:21:28

Yes, thank you. That's just a very beautiful way to describe it. Because again, with all the tools and the knowledge, and I kind of had duped myself into thinking that I was doing it with ease and grace, because I know better. I know better. But it's been an absolute gift. I this rendering is been beautiful. I trust the process. And it still continues to challenge me because I'm ready to go and like, okay, When is this gonna go like an ask you like, oh, he went to pop over? Am I done yet? Am I done in a party? Can I go back to doing it. And I get a little antsy. And then the Mathis was just just be. And I had the most beautiful epiphany a few weeks ago, and I'll share that with you with you, if you don't mind. But several years ago, I was asked to help do a fundraiser, I'd never done a fundraiser before. for victims of sex trafficking. It's a home here. It's called CCS Help Center, I had been involved with another place called street light, which was geared towards young women up until the age of 18. But there was a gap in services because once they aged out at 18, there's not really services available to these women. And so the idea with CCS was to help support those women that have not aged out of the system, or they have support to supporting them and finding jobs getting the mental health support that they need. So this was something that obviously was I was very, I felt very called to help with this. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I did in six weeks, I planned a huge fundraiser, we filled the room, probably 250 people were there. And we raised almost $80,000 I had no committee, I was just I mean, I had people that I could have held that this had never been done before. And it was as challenging. I mean, it was challenging. And I told myself, I'll never do that again. But the reason I share that with you is about two weeks ago, the people from the center, I was on the board for a little while. And it was just one of those things where I just felt like I couldn't fully commit to what they needed me to do. But I do go in and teach classes and work at the center because now they have a home, which when we did the fundraiser, there wasn't a home yet. So they have a home now for these women. And I went through I was able just to sit with pepper, do meditation, and just talk about their dreams. And they were just like sponges, they just love learning and just feeling that there's more for them that there's possibility waiting for them that maybe they haven't been able to taste before they could taste it. And it was the most beautiful, humbling experience for me because I'm still that person that's healing that sometimes forgets about the possibility and about the hope. Because trauma isn't just a one stop thing it fits and all of a sudden, you're over it. You've moved on. But I came home that night. And I was really pondering on that experience. And this message came came to me it was really clear that was like Jennifer. If you don't do anything ever again in your life, if you just stopped today and didn't serve, didn't create, did it build things didn't help people. The work that you've done there's a ripple effect that will be felt long after you're gone. And it was like this sigh of relief for me tonight. Okay, I don't have to keep doing doing doing. And I would ask all of you just to sit and think about what you've created, the people that you've influenced in your life, the impact that we've all had in different ways, is going to be going on long after we're share on this earth. And just that knowledge, allowed me just to sit back and just relish in the beauty that I've created. Instead of looking at what I haven't done, or what I shouldn't be doing, because each one of us here has had an impact. And it looks different for all of us, I tend to go bigger go home kind of girl. But some of the most beautiful things are the little things that we do that create an impact. And Steve is great at this. He's great at what he does at Walmart or wherever he is. He's always connecting, loving, and just Bill, you know, breathing possibility into people. And I think that was just a beautiful epiphany for me. And I think if we could all just celebrate the work that we've done, the service that we rendered the love that we've shared, and allow that to grow and to magnify, rather than just like leapfrogging from one thing to the next to the next and constantly trying to do more. There's something very beautiful, and just ruminating and just like bathing in the beauty of what we've already created.

Meredith Bell: 00:26:40

Yeah, that's such an important point, Jennifer, thank you for sharing that story and the insight that you got from it, I think it really brings home the fact that we can have amazing lasting impact with the little things that we do every day. And we don't necessarily have to shoot for the moon, in order to, you know, impact huge numbers. Because I think what happens, I've seen this with, you know, people who start businesses and have this big dream and big vision, they get so intent on following that that other relationships suffer. And so we've got to look at the whole picture. How can we dream big if we want to, and make that real every day, in our in our everyday moments with others, whether it's at the grocery store, or anywhere else that we go, we have that power that you just brought out so beautifully, to touch another life in a positive way. And I think a key thing is just being aware of those opportunities that present themselves because we can become so focused, so driven, so doing that we overlook these moments of how are we being in this moment? And what impact is my way of being having on the person in front of me?

Jennifer Nielson: 00:28:10

Oh, I do. I love that. And I think, too, it's really, you know, to ask herself, I meant eat the dreaming big is important. But oftentimes, like you said, we get lost. In the big dream we forget about all the little day to day things. And so I think it's important to ask it that. What is behind the dreaming big? Is there a need? Is there something we're trying to prove? Because for me the power is really coming in. And just being okay with the simplicity, the simplicity. The dreaming big for me was just another way of proving something. Now, that doesn't apply not to dream big, because it's like for me, it's like not dreaming big is like telling the sun not tries. That is That is who I am. But the dreaming big. Whatever we achieve that's on the other side of that isn't really what it's all about anyway, it's about who we're becoming along the way, and who were touching along the way. And you explained that perfectly where we kind of lose track of that sometimes.

Meredith Bell: 00:29:19

Yeah, I think the people who are closest to us, our families, if we're sacrificing them in pursuit of this other, whatever it might be, then it's a reason to pause and take a look at for sure what you know what price am I paying? What price Am I asking these people in my life to pay instead of putting everything in context? Then I just think that's so valuable. And I know you've recently had another experience in this amazing trip to Africa where you posted pictures of your adventures and I'm cute areas for you to share. If there's any particular adventures that just really stayed with you, and the overall experience, what impact has that had on your current journey of learning the differentiation or distinction between being and doing and proving?

Jennifer Nielson: 00:30:20

I love that question. Because this really, I think, what is what excites me the most, in the last about year? I've been to a lot I've been to Morocco, Japan, Australia, New Zealand, Africa. Well, Africa is Morocco, but different parts of Africa, I went to South Africa. But what what was so beautiful for me to experience was the different cultures that different types of religions. When I was in Japan, I took my two boys, I had a 21 year old son that went and, and my son, he graduated from high school, and you brought a friend, so me and three boys in Japan for two weeks. I feel like I got some brownie points there that that was fun. That was an adventure. But I took him to a Buddhist monastery. We stayed there. We did the chants in the morning, the meditations. At night, we were on a only vegan diet while we were there, which was a sacrifice for my boys, you know, these boys are boys and but I sat with this Buddhist monk one morning, and the boys were too tired to get up. And he said in his broken chap, you know, English he was, he said something like we're all equal. We all have a purpose, the leaves the wind, all of us, there's a purpose, and one is not greater than the other. And it was so beautiful, what I learned that I wouldn't have learned had I been closed off. And this is the way to do things, or this is the right religion, or this is the right way to do things. And it was such a simple teaching. But I think for me who someone has who's always felt like, I have to be special to be valuable, when in reality, we all have an important role. And one is not greater than the other. And so that was an experience that I really enjoyed. And then I was able to go to Morocco with my daughter. She's 25 It was just her and I traveling through Morocco. And we ended up doing a camel ride in the Sahara Desert. And before I went to Morocco, I can't tell how many people said to me, why would you go there, or you're looking to be safe, and they're all Muslims. And there was just like, I was confused, because that didn't even cross my mind. I had no fear and no concern about going and our guide was a he was from Morocco. He was Muslim, and he was a man, it was just us. And he took us all over. And so we ended up in the Sahara Desert, seven Berber men were in charge of us. It was just my daughter, and me in a tent in the middle of the Sahara desert with these men. And the kindness and the excitement they had about serving us. We were eating dinner one night, this cute young man who was probably 16 or 17, he would leave and then he would come back and I could tell even practicing. He had an edge or touches on, I hope you enjoy. And then he would come back again. And he was made sure that he was just he wanted to do his best to take care of us. And so in that moment being with these men, I felt loved. I felt safe. And this mindset that other people aren't safe or other religions aren't safe or we have this judgment. And again, across the board, it's the and there's good. And there's people that aren't good in every every religion, every country, every community in the world, right? But what I saw was the most beautiful, these men were just so kinda like we cried when we left my daughter and I we hugged, we cried because we knew we probably wouldn't see them again. And what could have been really first a lot of people have very scary and safe nerve wracking experience was so beautiful for us. And I learned so much about the muscle of religion being there. Because I mean, I was, you know, we'd be in, you know, oh my gosh, I'm in Marrakech and you to cure every day, like three times a day or however many times they do their prayers over the loudspeakers. And the way they live their religion, that they're very committed. It's very different than the way I was raised to live my religion. And what I love in all of this, is that again, the word travel, the more I learned, the more i i experience. I realized how much I just don't know. And for me really embracing the not knowing. Because I was a girl with convictions. I knew like I was I knew a lot and now I just embrace it. I don't know and who I am today, I never thought I would be. And I love who I am. And I'm not exactly the way I thought I should be, but I love who I am. Because I've let go of a lot of the way I was taught with religion, with the way I see the world, I just have this space now where I can just enjoy meeting people and meet them where they are. And they can learn for me and I can learn from them. And we're just in South Africa. But the last trip that you just you mentioned, and we went on to Safari, and again, the people that would take us out and pieces about the animals and the people that we met. So much of their economy is based on tourism and their livelihood. And so they have such a gratitude for us and the way that they served us there, it was just humbling. So to be in this space, where you're like one with God's creations, like you're in their environment, I witnessed a lion eating a zebra, I could hear the bones crunching, I was like probably 10 feet away watching just as having this experience of the natural Circle of Life with these people cat who was our guide, and she was this beautiful South African. She's from Johannesburg, and she was young, she was probably 21. And just in this moment where I just looked around at it like this, this is what it's all about. And I get the Traveling is a luxury. It's not something that everyone can do. But my desire is to share what I've experienced for those that either can't or don't have it maybe desire to go to South Africa, because I was met with some of the same questions like Are you sure you're going to be safe? My daughter called she's like, do you have your Waylon? Do you have everything organized? Did you like what's going to be funny? It's good to be fine. But we fell in love with the people of South Africa. And I will tell you, in my travels, when it's the most meaningful, like I've been to beautiful places where it's like eye candy. It's beautiful. But it's so soul connecting experiences, like Morocco, like being in Japan, like being in South Africa. And I could go on and on and share with I could travel talk for days. So I will not I will not keep carrying on about my experiences. Because it's really not about me, it's about understanding how we're all here to serve each other me being there in South Africa as a tourist was benefiting those individuals to have a livelihood. But what they had to share, I couldn't I couldn't get that staying here in Gilbert, Arizona, living my life the way I live it. And so again, back to the Buddhist monk, like we all have a purpose. And it's beautiful. And it's wonderful, and it looks different. And one is not better than the other. I'm not better or more special than those Moroccan men, or the South African people that I've met. I think Americans dot maybe down on purpose, we have a little bit of an entitlement going on, we have a little bit of like, we're you know, and we haven't I love where I live, when I come back to home, I love being home. And that girl that loves flying places because I'm so excited to go on an adventure. And I love flying home because I love coming home, my husband's like what is wrong with you like I can't help it. I love it all. Like, I love it all. But I like whatever my next phase in life is which I know there is one it's percolating right now will involve traveling, it will involve this, this learning and sharing what what i've what I think gifted in terms of experiences knowledge along the way, and just sharing it in a way where I can have that impact. without it becoming pressure, or work or stress. I know I'm a worker, I don't mind working hard. And it doesn't need to be hard.

Meredith Bell: 00:39:01

This were all amazing stories. I'm glad you told all three of them because they each, to me point to the fact of we we all have this common purpose, to care about each other and love and be loved and serve and be served. And so allowing others to serve you to me as part of your journey into being and not do and not being the one to do not being the one to always serve and and be so responsible because you know, that was one of the things that I was hearing from you. In your earlier version of yourself, let's say from your childhood on App disk from your 10 year old, you know cooking onto so many of the things you've done in your work. This I'm the one that's responsible. And while yes, we need to take personal responsibility. We don't need to Take it all on our shoulders. And it sounds like you had done a lot of that out of your own, you know, needs from what you had experienced.

Unknown: 00:40:10

That's the funny thing is like it was all just, it was all self self impacted, I won't say inflicted with that kind of self inflicted. But yeah, there was definitely so much of that happening. And I don't think I even realized it because I didn't know, a version of myself. Without that part of me, that was the push to the do. And so, yeah, it's been, it's been beautiful and very grateful to be where I am right now. I'm very, very grateful.

Meredith Bell: 00:40:40

Well, you know, as a quote from Scott Peck, who wrote the road less traveled, just came to me, I want to share it with you and our listeners, because I think it's relevant. He was a psychotherapist. And he used to say, it was easier for him to treat patients who took on too much responsibility and help them release it, then to work with people who would assume that no responsibility for anything and blamed others, because they could see how they were a part of what was happening, it was always something out there, outside themselves, and it was much harder for them to ever for him to ever help them see that. Whereas someone like you like me, who tend to take on more responsibility. Once we learn, we don't have to own everything. We don't have to be the one to do everything. What I lightness that brings when we have that realization, and then we can make healthier choices in it Sure. Sounds like that's been part of your evolution is learning how to make choices that really serve your well being.

Jennifer Nielson: 00:42:00

Yeah, and I would just invite the guests or you know that the listeners just to ask yourself some of those difficult questions. Why am I doing what I'm doing? Who would I be without this? And do I need this to feel complete and hold? Because if you can have, I mean, it's going to look different for everyone. I think pausing is always a good idea. And for some people that might be starting the morning, and pausing and meditating. And really, you know, before they start the day, and for some people like me, it looks like pausing for a year and a half. But I don't, this isn't about doing what I done or doing what anybody else has done, the actual point is to be willing to ask yourself those difficult questions, and be okay with the answers, even if you don't like them, is one of the last thing that was very clear, I needed to let go with my dick training. And that was something that it was, it was like my baby, I had loved that program, I loved helping these women, I'd helped over 50 women go through the program that are now coaching other women. And it was to be to be a part of the miracle of healing to be a witness to that is, is just, it's an honor. And when that was the final thing, I had to let go, I'd let go of my team a while before that I let go of my coach, I'd let go of so much. But I believe that whatever it takes to get to the truest form of ourselves, I will come back in a way that I will be able to impact in such a deeper way because that need that push that agenda. And even though I was coming from as pure as a place as I could with where I was, I know now I'll be able to even go deeper in a way that I wouldn't have been able to before. And my own personal well being the well being of my family will It will all benefit from that. And so I think there's just an opportunity for us to always ask those questions. And what are we willing to do to get there? Like you look at this couple you know, who was I talking to a stain. Maybe it was a low posted something? It was about he's in this community as well about people look at my relationship and they're like, I want what you have this like do are you willing to do what it takes to have what we have? And I would say that with anyone that's found a level of peace and contentment, contentment in life, it's it's, it's not about doing more necessarily, but it's about what are you willing to give up? What are you willing to let go of? What are you willing to surrender? To find that ultimate peace And for me, it was pretty brutal to have to pretty much get rid of most things. Luckily, my husband made the cut my kids made the cut. Pretty much everything else was like, I don't know, guys, I don't know, I can't make any promises. But I think when you choose something like you said, I'm choosing my marriage I was married very I was 18 in a religion that that's very common and divorces, you know, that's not it's not very, it's not the thing to necessarily do if you can avoid it, right. And so to be married now, 30 plus years. And to be in a stage now where I'm not staying because I feel this pressure I have kids are I've made these commitments in this covenant with my husband, it's like, no, I'm here, because I am choosing it. I believe choosing everything in life is such a privilege. And it's our right. But we have to be willing to not choose things, we have to give ourselves that option is we never give ourselves that true option than Are we really choosing.

Meredith Bell: 00:45:59

And when we don't feel we have choice, that's when we feel the pressure we feel stuck. All those negative emotions that come out feeling trapped. Exactly. So Jennifer, this has been just such a special conversation. Thank you for your openness, and sharing your UPS downs, arounds and everything in between, especially over these last 18 months, as you are looking at recovering and kind of reshaping your view of who you are your, your role. And my guesses that you've alluded to, your impact is going to be even greater, because now you're more free to be you, the real you and not the person you think you're supposed to be, or feel that others are expecting you to be. But you can be free to be your own person. And I'm excited to watch the new things that come from you. Because of that awareness and that growth that you've been experiencing. Please share with our listeners how they can connect with you, and learn more about the work that is emerging for you.

Jennifer Nielson: 00:47:14

Well, thank you. So again, I have loved our time together. And I really, genuinely appreciate your questions and just the interest. And I think sometimes when we speak things out loud, and we have these conversations it it kind of helps our own healing our own processing go even deeper. So thank you for that. I'm on Instagrams, Jennifer Nielsen, je and an IVR. And i els oh and Jennifer Nielsen. But I'm on Facebook as well, Jennifer Barney Nielsen, I have a website, Jennifer dash, a dash Nielsen. And I'm on the Facebook group with everyone that's, you know, the ultimate coach group. So I'm pretty easy to find. And I'm always excited and happy to connect with anyone that wants to have a conversation. I'm still learning. I want to keep learning, I will always be curious. Be a little curious, George I'm. So if there's any of you that have been touched by what I've said, or have some beautiful insight that you'd like to share with me, I am open, I would love to connect. I'll give you my phone number. That might be weird. But you can find that in all the other places. I'm like I said, I'm out and about. But I'm just grateful to be part of a community of people that are committed to being because that's really where the true happiness comes into our life. The true joy and the true peace isn't that being so I'm just grateful to be part of this community. And really thank you again for this opportunity.

Meredith Bell: 00:48:43

That's a beautiful way to close. Thank you, Jennifer. It's been wonderful.

Jennifer Nielson: 00:48:48

Thank you.

Jennifer Nielson: 00:48:52

TUCP Intro/Outro: Thank you for joining us today. If there's someone you know who could benefit from this conversation, please share this episode with them. Also, check out our website. Being movement.com You'll find valuable resources and links to connect to an engaging and wonderfully supportive community. Together, we can inspire and support each other on the path to a greater understanding of being. Until next time, take care and be kind to yourself