The Ultimate State of Being: Love in Action - Steve Hardison

Speaker: 00:00:00

TUCP Intro/Outro: Amy, thank you for tuning in to The Ultimate Coach podcast, a companion to the transformative book The Ultimate coach written by Amy Hardison and Alan D Thompson, each conversation is designed to be a powerful wake up call, reminding us of what's possible for you and your life. So if you're on a journey to expand your state of being, this podcast is for you.

Meredith Bell: 00:00:38

Welcome back to another episode of The Ultimate coach podcast. We have the ultimate guest today for Podcast Episode 111 of this podcast, and I'm Meredith Bell. I'm joined today by my co host epack Williamson for this very special conversation with Steve Hardison, welcome both of you to today's episode. Thank you. Steve needs no introduction for those of you who have read the ultimate coach book and have been part of the being community for more than five minutes, and I want to start out with something fun, and that is Steve to ask you, why did you say yes to Episode 111,

Steve Hardison: 00:01:31

Well, quite a while ago. I don't remember. It was two years ago, two and a half years ago, Ross was doing podcasting, and he called me up and he said, Hey, I'd like to do an interview. I know you're not doing a lot of interviews, but would you do an interview? And he says, I'd like you to do number 1111, one. I know Eleven's your favorite number. And I said to him, you know, how about 111 and So several years ago, I told Ross I would do a podcast, and then you communicated with me and said, Hey, we do a podcast. And I said, Yes, and I can't remember if we made up doing the 111 or I said, let's wait to 111 I can't remember what I ended up doing. I think this is 111

Meredith Bell: 00:02:12

Yes you said because of one being a favorite number, yes, you thought Episode 111 would be good. So we've come full circle on your original commitment. I just think that's so fun. And Steve, one of the topics that I know is just, not just near and dear to your heart, but how you live, is this coming from a place of love? And in fact, you've said Love is the highest state of being, and I know that part of our conversation, maybe a lot of it today, is probably going to revolve around this really important topic. I would love for you to start out by talking about how you define love and what does it look like in the action?

Unknown: 00:03:03

Wow, that's that's a big question. I don't know that I ever define it. I experience it, and how I experience it is something inside of me feels alive, lightened and lovely about who I'm being and who I'm with. And then I say, it goes from there to into an action. It's not this passive thing. It's an experience that then, at least in my case, puts me into action and the whatever particular action it is, is out of me being loving. And I don't really think about what the action is. It just comes out. So I don't have a definition for love. I study it. When I was walking around this morning, I was just thinking in my own mind in the kitchen, not about this conversation, just about the ideas as having that thought, wow, it's interesting. Steve, you if it were okay with other people, you'd hug anyone that you saw. And that's real.

Meredith Bell: 00:04:12

So for you, the physical expression of being able to hug someone is a way of conveying love to them.

Unknown: 00:04:21

I think that's one way. I think another way is to listen, just to listen to someone,

Meredith Bell: 00:04:27

And your way of listening is profound. When I think about that chapter in the book I'm listening. It's one of my favorites in the whole book. And so talk a little bit about who you're being when you are being a loving listener,

Unknown: 00:04:47

When I'm being a loving listener, what I call heart centered listening is I'm not somewhere else. I'm not thinking of some future or what happened in the morning. I'm actually right. Air. And then when I looking at someone speaking to me, I actually metaphorically see words coming out of their mouth, and I'm paying attention to the words, and also what's creating the words. So in that committed space, not a To Do, a state of being, is I hear things that are really simple, but I'm there so I can hear them. So most of the time, a next question for me isn't one that was in me, it's one that was generated by listening to what the person said. I can remember being in a coaching session with the Yan. It's five hours coaching sessions, about two hours, and in that five hours, I may have said 100 words, and it would just be, tell me more, what you mean. What was that like for you? Not set questions. Just being with someone, I find that listening to someone that could be a total stranger just to be listened to is an experience that most people don't get in a day moving by quickly. People say, how are you? And you pass the hall and say, Fine, and you can just miss each other. So I've been fortunate to, for some reason, to create a way that I'm with people in a quiet space, and I get to practice listening. So when I'm in my office and in my my office really is wherever I go, but when I'm in my physical office, it's a sacred place to listen. And it's it's real. For me, I tell people that my office is the most sacred place on the planet. For me, you can fill it. It's just it's safe, it's quiet. And I should remember I have a client. I will keep him nameless and her nameless, but I worked with him for two years. I worked in 12 full years, but about the second year, he said, Hey, my wife would like to come and meet you. Now, I knew he had a wife and I'd seen her, but I said, okay, so she comes, and I'm sitting with her in my office, and I'm just asking her questions about her life, like, what made you want to come and see me? What's your day look like? Not tell me what you did today. What's a day in your life look like. And I just listened to her, and as I'm listening to her, just tears come down her face, and I said, Do you want? You want to tell me what that's about? And she said, I have never been listened to like this in my whole life. So I find that listening is a great way.

Ipek Williamson: 00:07:38

It's a beautiful way to show love, I think, being a good listener. And one other thing that always comes up with you Steve is self love, self forgiveness. And what I want to ask you now is, how can someone cultivate love within themselves, especially when facing deep personal struggles or challenges?

Unknown: 00:08:09

I think it's difficult for all of us to do that. If we knew what others were going through, we would be less judgmental. And as we reduce being judgmental. What takes its place is love. So if I could realize that what I'm experiencing, because every person today will have challenges and experiences that no one else will know, and the person having those challenges and experiences, it's so personal and it's so real that, though everything could look good inside, it's really challenging just to do what they do. And many people put on that smiley face, and they're in pain from the Judgment they have on themselves and other people. So given that we're all in that same place, because there is no one not in that space. There is no one I ever work with that isn't challenged by wishing they had something different than they have about themselves, or wish a problem or gone. There is no one that goes through a day that doesn't have it even on the very best day. So if I wanted to, how do I demonstrate or create love for myself when there's these problems, I look for something that's good in others or in myself, and I find it even in the smallest way. Again, leave these people name, listening to some of them listen, they'll know it's them. I had someone that called me up that you know very well. And he said, you know, my wife would like to speak to you. She has a challenge. And I said, Well, there's just one problem. You should have her talk to me. I mean, she doesn't need. A middle man I don't need so if your wife wants to talk to me, give her my phone number. So she calls me up. And this, this illustrates what you're talking about, a small one, because there's 1000s of these. I promise you that today, before too long goes, too much time passes, I'll be like sad about something that I wish I had done better, or I'll think something in my mind where it's like, why would I think that? And I do it. So I get a call from her, and she said, My husband said I could call you, and you didn't talk to you. I've had a challenge. What is it? And she says, I'm really, really quite resentful, angry and upset because we had a wedding, and I don't feel like I was supported by members of my community in my church. And I said, Tell me about it. So she starts telling me about it. I said, Okay, I have the doctor's appointment. What I want you to do? It'll be one hour, and you're gonna have to call me back, because you want to talk with me, so I'm going to give you an assignment, and then you call me back. So I said, I want you to list all the people that came to your wedding and supported you that I want you to list the people that didn't come and they supported you, and then I want you to list the people that let you know they weren't come and they supported you by telling you that bring me those three lists. So now allow hour later, she calls, and I said, you see that list of everything? Those people that all did stuff? I said, I want you to call each of them and thank them, and then the ones that didn't show up call them and thank them. I said, you're looking in the wrong spot. You're looking for where you didn't get support, look for where you got it. It really altered her world. We didn't get into a very long fire conversation. He says, Oh my gosh. And I think that's that is the way that we create our personal problems, is we look at what we don't see this very good, and we miss all the greatness that there is, and in every person, there is this greatness, this magnificent until we take it away with our own thinking, by our own self judgment. And my idea is not my idea own it. My thought is, if I want to increase the amount of love. This thing that I can't define, reduce the amount of judgment. Just take one judgment down, and you get a notch at love. Take three. It goes there. My experience is any human being I'm ever with, if they get in a place of forgiving themselves of the judgments they have, and they're in this space of just being present. All that is sitting there is love and presence, no exceptions, the worst human in the world. So I don't know the definition of love. I know the experience of love. I know that what gets in the way of love is judgment, resentment, gossiping. You want to increase love. I could make up a list because they're just like because it's just instead of gossiping about someone when you're something good, share it with people. I call that God sipping and you'll seldom hear me say anything about a person, even if it's true, I'm not going to move that. That's not loving, it's not kind. It creates the mess. But if someone sends me something and I'm inspired by it, I send it 2030, people every something like that, every day I, God, sip it increases. I'm looking for the greatness in someone. I don't even have to like them, and something shifts by looking for the good in them. I don't know if that answers your question, but at least in this particular moment, that's the answer. If you asked me that same question 10 minutes ago or tomorrow, I would have a different answer.

Meredith Bell: 00:14:03

I love that answer, Steve, because to me, it goes to effects, question about loving yourself and what gets in the way of that, and what you were just describing with that example of the person being disappointed by those who she perceived as not supporting her. We overlook all those who do and with ourselves, I think we can beat ourselves up for something we did or didn't do, and overlook all the ways that we can bring our greatness into the world. So I think it's a parallel with self love and love of others.

Unknown: 00:14:43

I think so. I think self love as an ideas is really beautiful, and I think sometimes it's taught out of us. It's like, you can't pay attention to yourself. That would be selfish, and that would be, you'd be being full of yourself. So. Think people overcompensate sometimes when they could just like, you know, I have conversations with myself as I walk along and say, I really love how you helped that person. I talked to myself. So I'm my self talk is in supporting me. And I've said to people, I think Self Love is the ultimate spirituality. And if they're religionists, they're like, What you can't do that. It's like, I don't know. I'm not talking about what you're thinking. I'm talking about, I'm talking about really appreciating who I am and whoever that is in there, appreciating who they are in in gifts. I mean, I have very, very few really great talents, very average in most things, and some things sub par. But somehow, where there's some reason is that my ability to love is when I practice it. I mean, I'm genuinely don't need to know someone to love them. You see, it's the definition of it. Love can also be a decision. Love can be a commitment. It can be an experience, it can be a feeling. And the more I have a distinction I called the seer, S, E, E, R, the more I see, the more I can see, the more I listen, the more I can listen and hear, the more I love, the more I can love. Now there's a flip side to that. The less I love, the less I'll love. So it's has its own spiral effect. It's up or down, and who I'm being gets to choose that, not who I'm being. Steve Hardison, anybody gets to choose that. If I had a husband and wife that came in and they said, you know, we used to be in love. We're not love anymore. I would say, wow. Now notice that when you first started dating, you would go tell your friends or your parents, she's the greatest. I can't I can't get enough time with her. She's unbelievable. And then you speak like that about her, I say, and now it's like you say, I don't love her anymore. It's like this love is a creation, and we create it in our thoughts about ourself, in another person, and what we think and speak over time will give us that not trying to get into green with someone. That's my experience of it. Get the same couple, and I could say what I'd like you to do is I let me have 10 great thoughts about him anytime he had some others I think something great. Instead of thinking, oh, man, I married him now, he farts and picks his teeth. He dude gets the trash out. Really good at sound every week. Or Isn't it interesting how when he comes in, he just hugs me, and even a HUD can be obliterated by I did. I can't believe that he doesn't say this or that to me. Same with the woman, either way, we are creating this thing called love or judgment or anything else we can put the language in the moment, including destroying who we are by tearing ourself down in our own thoughts. That's the only thing, in my opinion, that makes the difference between anybody is what they're thinking about themselves and others, and what I call God, anything between that and this, everything that's all that gives them the reality. So if I wake up, if somehow magically I could tap you on the head, and inside your mind, you just thought, this is wonderful. These people are beautiful. And you walked around doing that nothing outside, you would have to change. You would have every one of the same challenges you'd have, the same challenge with money, everything, but how you would deal with it's different because of loving thoughts you are having about circumstances that will always be messy. That's what they are. It's not don't have them. It's like, how do I deal with them when they come so there's even love in that. And I don't know how to define love, and in a certain way, I don't even know what it is.

Meredith Bell: 00:19:27

And yet, what you're sharing with us is clearly coming from love, and I think it helps us, in our own minds, identify it when we experience it, because you're helping us to feel what is that like? And, and I love your emphasis on thoughts and and I know you've shared how you start your day and the thoughts that you have at the very. Beginning of your day, help create your day. Yes, tell us more about that, because I love where you're coming from with the very first moments.

Unknown: 00:20:10

And most everything I do is simple, and it's not like here's the recipe for it, as soon as there's any consciousness that I'm aware of, and even if I wake up at night, this thing that I call my document, and I have different small versions of that, or the actual one that I've that's in the book, and a new one that I've created. But when I wake up like at night, like last night, probably about 230 I woke up, I just begin to speak. I am so grateful for this woman that I'm next to help me when I get up in the morning to do everything that would be kind, gracious to her. Help me listen to her. Help me love her. Help me be kind. And I'm literally doing that. So I'm a regular guy that's, you know, if you live with some guy, they're going to be whatever they are, but I'm a guy that's really working on treating my wife. I always say, I want to be your best friend, and you can, she got a lot of friends, and I want to be like, if you had a choice to be like, I'd like to be with him more than anyone. And so I work on that. And before I got out of bed this morning, this it was a same thing. I just look over to Amy, and I think I get to spend the day, day with her. And so I'm already deciding this is going to be a lovely way I'm going to be to her today. And then I have just different things like that during the day. I was the client yesterday, and I said, You know what you can really do is you can decide who you're going to be before an event occurs. Then I gave him the idea of this tow truck driver distinction that I shared before, and then he says, Wow, that's that's interesting. How do you do that? I said, Oh, well, I'm not the one who's doing it. We all do this. I said, you're going to sit here in this office at some point and decide something you're going to do later today, and you're going to already think in your mind how that's going to be. Oh, you got an appointment at four with Fred. Oh, you know Fred, he's no fun. I said we are creating all the time. There is no one that's not walking around with quote, a document. These ideas and these ideas create us. So it's like, I'm conscious during the day to what am I thinking about me and them and everything else in between, not burdened by it, simple, by it. Like, this is beautiful. I take my dog for a little walk today, and I just watch how happy she is. It's like, you know, everything's kind of pointing us to something that's not quite some miserable and then we have thoughts, you know, we didn't have a thought other than just like, This life's great, it would kind of change how the life is. People like, No, my life, not if you had my life. Well, I can't convince anybody of it just begin. I'm gonna have a serious client who's got a great big company, and our thought to getting back into his world. When he was like, didn't want to live depressed. I said, How about if you just say everything is gonna turn out better than okay. And it was such a simple thing, but that's what he began to he'd be interviewed him, he said it changed my life, because everything is going to turn out better than okay, is better than all the stuff we worry about. And we create the stuff we worry about in our mind, and most of it doesn't happen. We've lived it in our mind, and then we kind of think that's what's going on, in my opinion. I mean, just right now, but we're here, the three of us are together, and we're in this place just having a conversation. We can listen to each other, and I'm experiencing the love that you two are just as you sit there.

Ipek Williamson: 00:24:04

Thank you, Steve, there's something that I want to ask you. We speak about how being precedes doing, we create our being, and from there, doing comes as an extension of it. Yes. Yes. So when you look back in your life, can you think of a pivotal moment when shifting your being completely transformed your reality? I mean, when was the first time you realized, oh, it's not doing that comes first, but being Yes,

Unknown: 00:24:44

I think one of those would be when I was very young, probably about eight, and it wouldn't even have words to put it in. I can go back and describe it. I wouldn't have described it at that time, but my mom was raising five kids, and everything that was discussed. Cost in our home was this. It's lack of something, lack of No father, lack of no income, and my mom worked her end all. And I remember saying, Why do we have this little old car? Just what's a Volkswagen. It gets good gas mileage. You know, being frugal and getting gas mileage, I say, Why do I put plastic? Or why do we put plastic with duct tape around our windows, keep the heat in and that? Where did we get the house? Grandma gave it to us. I said, Oh, I'd like to get a house like these other ones. You may not be able to do the real expensive. So the kind of soup I was in is like, things are hard to come by. It's expensive. Money's limited. And I remember seeking to myself, maybe I can do something about that. Maybe I don't have to believe that. Hey, this is what. I got a job selling donuts, and I started changing my mind about my ability of anything, and also my relationship to money. And it just moved a little bit. But it's it's a thought too. So who I was being without even knowing it was like, things are hard to come by, things are tough, and then something shifted in the being, which is a thought, my opinion, is like, maybe I can do something with this. And that little thought starts something. So often people say, well, which comes first the thinking or the being, the being or the thinking. The thoughts are the feelings, the feelings are the thoughts. And I say it's like which comes first the chicken or the egg? I and some people argue that, and then they think they got the right answer that I don't know for sure, but I eat both of them. So I work with feelings and thoughts. I work with being and thoughts. But I just say being here, we are. We're the three of us are sure together, and literally, there's a state of being. You may be being inquisitive, or she may be thoughtful. I may be being attempting to communicate in a way that someone could hear. That's that my being is doing the best it can. You know somebody else spoke, they might have it all outlined in some that's who they're being. I'm like, right now in the moment, but we're being something in any moment. Back people that are listening to this, they could be being, when's he gonna shut up? Or this isn't what I expected. Why would anybody pay to be a fat guy? This is so slow motion, so they'd be being that, and they're doing would be probably get up and go vacuum. Someone else listening to my voice, would be like, Oh my gosh. This is access to me, loving myself and who they'd be being is very, very humble, teachable, and then they're doing they're probably writing notes.

Ipek Williamson: 00:28:12

It's so true, Steve, while you were saying the last part, I was thinking about the reactions, the feedbacks I receive on my meditations. For example, yes, I receive feedbacks on most of my meditations. And for the same meditation, one person says that they doesn't like it, they didn't like this part or that part. And for the same exact same meditation, another person says, this is the best meditation I've ever listened to, and I will come back to it. Yeah, you see it's exactly the same thing. Well,

Unknown: 00:28:51

If the three of us were here in my backyard, we go, I go out the backyard, and I'd say, just look out there, that view. And just you'd see the mountains, you see the clouds the sky, and I'd say it's just sitting there. Then someone needs to come and be on it. They're being some way that all looks someone's being like, this is a crazy world we live in. It's a mess. And they're looking at the same thing I'm looking at and I'm thinking, how exciting that I get to do, take my grandson so my daughter can go shopping, and take her daughter shopping. I'm so excited about that. And I'm looking at the same place, and somebody's freaked out about something, and I'm not saying they shouldn't be. That's what we do. We take who we're being, and we look at the world, and we project who we're being on the world, not my opinion, my experience and the reality of people. We do not see the world the way it is. We see the world the way we are. And then I take the. Which isn't mine. I don't know who did that, and I add one thing to it. We do not see the world the way it is. We see the world the way we are being so if I'm being loved, that's what I see everywhere I'm going. That's why it looks like, you know, if it were appropriate. I mean, what the guy would think would just go hug a stranger, but I'm in a conversation, and I do this frequently. The UPS, driver brings something, and I said, I appreciate you delivering this all the time. Would it be or can't I give you a hug? I'm never gonna say, No, get away from me, because they understand. I'm thanking them, and I'm not saying to your audit, because there's gonna be somebody in the audience, because he's telling me to hug everybody. No, I'm not. I'm telling you, be you, and what you do will come out of that. I don't I don't have to think about what I'm going to do. It comes out of who I'm being. And it's the same with every person, whether they see it or not.

Meredith Bell: 00:30:57

What you're saying is so profound, Steve, because we can start in this moment, yes, to practice the word that keeps coming to my mind as I'm listening to you, is notice we have these opportunities to be loved everywhere, but if we're not noticing those opportunities, we miss them. And so that self awareness first, but then awareness of others is a key piece of being able to be loved with others.

Unknown: 00:31:37

I think so. I think so. There's a really great book written by a former athlete. He was a Super Bowl champion. He took the place of Joe Montana for the 40 Niners named Steve Young. And he wrote a book called the law of love, which is an amazing book. And then he followed it up with a book called the law of love in action. And he talks about how he's used love everywhere, on the football field, in the huddle, in business. It's an amazing book about love, not the truth about love, the possibility of one person's point of view of love. I mean, love is like, I say that it's the most powerful thing that exists. Imagine the three of us just decided who we were going to be with each other as loving and kind, and we did that. And just say one person said to any other person in their mind, I'm just going to be kind and loving to you, and every one person just did that with one other person in the same day. It's not some huge, crazy thing. It's like we just stopped. But we could, we could. And this isn't, I'm not talking sitting Kumbaya, my Lord on a mat. I'm talking about loving action by seeing it and then loving someone. Because I believe wherever there's love, you will see lots of action, serving people, taking care of people, helping people, teaching people, feeding people, talking to people, helping people. Love is action verb in my book.

Meredith Bell: 00:33:26

One of the things I think that gets in our way is something you mentioned earlier, and you've emphasized it. I can remember hearing you talk about it at different times, and this is this idea of judging, and judgments come up so quickly and easily that we may not even be realizing that's what we're doing. What would you suggest to help us shift from those judgments and becoming more aware of them, so that we can become from a place of love with others and with ourselves.

Unknown: 00:34:01

So I, I think like so again, people are going to be listening to this, and this is an answer to that question in this moment at this time. And if I were asked that at another time, it could be look like that's a totally different answer, and it is, and it would be so I'm answering in this time and space with you. What I want people to get is that whoever thinks that they're not going to judge is crazy. That's all we do. Now, I've said and people don't care all the rest of it, don't judge. I'm talking about a specific thing, like, if you're going to judge, know what you're going to judge, because the minute you judge, it's you get that the minute I think my wife does not appreciate me. I have a wife that doesn't appreciate me no matter what's real. I've created that in my mind. So we get up in the morning and we judge all day long. So it's becoming. Conscious to what judgment I'm using, and I'm never going to stop judging. So the judgment I'm going to place on myself is I am loving kindness. I'm going to judge me as loving kindness. And I'm actually going to sentence like, write it out, I am loving kindness, like sentence like a written one, and I'm going to sentence me to it I am loving kindness. So I'd have to become aware of how much I judge, which is all day long. Not me everyone. And it's like, Oh, I'm not going to just stop judging. I'm going to trick the judgment machine and I'm going to have it judge stuff that's really useful. I'm looking at something right here on my computer. And this is Amy that gave me this note, Steve. I love you very, very much. And for your information, you are just making this up, or you're judging you're making something that you are such a powerful creator. Could you please make up something that serves us better and brings us closer? And I keep that there because it's like, yeah, anytime I got there's a problem, I'm judging it as a problem. I could take that same judgment and see the opportunity. So the first thing I would do Meredith in this question at this time, is have us get that we I remember being with Byron Katie, and somebody says he shouldn't judge me. And she said, What planet do you live on? What do you mean he shouldn't judge you. She should. That's, look, when I walk in a room, I can feel it. It's like, I'm a hot iron rod for somebody. Like, who does he think he is? You know, they can't help but it's like, this just doesn't fit the way they'd like me to fit. They could also say that dude really is helping people. They get to create me with their judgment. I get to create me with my judgment. So when I say, don't judge, don't judge in a way that destroys, judge in a way that creates, because you are going to judge and my judgment, I am the universe love is I am that Be still and know that I am. I am a disciple of Jesus. I'm judging myself as those things. I spend very little time like you're stupid, you can't do this. And I do get in what I call a hell hole where I think thoughts that aren't good, but they're not the basic ones. I'm like, trying evolving a little bit. So it's, I don't ever to go, Gosh, why are you doing that? You dummy? That's kind of old. And that that matter. That is now. I love the way you attempt, and you make lots of attempts, way to attempt, like, dude, do you know how many times you didn't get that done? Right? It's like you really got that, don't you keep going, I talk to myself a lot, and so does everyone else. And that talk becomes who we believe we are, and that talk about someone else has that be who they are for us, and in a certain way, that other person does not have a chance over the thoughts we have about them, including ones that are really, really great.

Ipek Williamson: 00:38:33

It's so unbelievable or believable that the conversation I had with Amy when she was my guest was all around love, and it is the same with you, Steve, what a beautiful, amazing loving couple you are. I want to ask you now, because I was thinking about the book and Steve Chandler part and how he was hesitant to start his journey as a coach, as a speaker, and he was having difficulty to ask what he truly wanted. So I wanted to ask you about that, how asking for what we want could have a pivotal, important role in our journeys, and how can we become more comfortable with it

Unknown: 00:39:32

With asking yes? See, I believe that asking is the most underutilized possibility of creation that exists because anyone can ask. Now, there's not anyone will or does, but anyone could ask and with Steve or anyone if someone can see that. When I ask if someone tells me No, it doesn't mean anything other than they said no. So many people are afraid of the outcome of asking. They may want to see, wow. I want to get enrolled in the outcome of asking, except the other this outcome of asking, not this outcome of asking, spiral out, spiral down. So if someone can, there's someone it's going to be listening right here today, that if they the thing that they want to have happen, if they actually stop listening to this, pick up the phone and call and ask a person, a second person, a third person, they'll find out that what they're asking for, they could have, and asking for me is inside this sere distinction. The more I love, the more I can love, the more I ask, the more I can ask, more volume of how many and quantity of whatever it is. So it is a creation. Asking, is a creation? Not asking is a creation? They both are created in the mind. So the mind of the person not like, Oh, I think I'll go do that. That's a good suggestion. The mind of the person has to say, Oh, I have the ability to ask. I just don't ask. So for this day I'm going to ask, or for this hour, or I'm going to at least ask, people would be stunned. What would happen if they just asked? And then, like, the asking ability grows by practicing it. So mine isn't, Oh, that guy could just ask for anything. It's being able to ask and having no No, no no. I remember traveling back when you could have a ticket. I could have a gal that I work with. I could have her ticket. It's not her name, it's a different sex, and I could get on a plane, all you needed was the ticket. And I remember traveling with an engineer from our company, and I got us bumped to first class. And as we get on the plane, he says, Man, everything you do works. And I said you weren't here for the 80 times I was told no, but I didn't stop. And so asking over time, I started realizing, as I'm with the person back in those days, that the most powerful person at the airline was the lady or guy that I'm standing in front of that gets to decide who gets the seat, and it took me a while to get that so then and somebody will turn this in to do it's a bean. So I say to her, You know what? I know that you have the power. Who gets upgraded, and I would love it if that could be me, and I know you're the one who's got it, so if you got one of those, and you think I could have it, that would be great. So what I did is I learned that if someone you acknowledge that they have the power to do what you're asking. But somebody wasn't there when I asked and says, What? Why should I upgrade you? Or no, I don't have anything. It didn't stop me from keeping learning to ask. So consequently, with time, when we had the event in Birmingham, I call up, this is asking. This is practicing asking. And it starts in small things, like small things, would you please not put that there. There are people that can't even ask their spouse not to do something. Begin asking. So I can remember calling Wayne Hoffman, and I said, way, what are you doing May, 25 and 26th he said, I don't know. What do I need to be doing? I says, no, no, see, see if you got anything the 25th or 26th of May he come back, says, I don't I said, what I'd like you to do. And I gave him the background of what Matt Evans was doing in Birmingham. I told him what we were doing with the money. He'd read the book before. I said, what I'd like you to do. Well, before I do that, let me ask you a question, what are your services now for a day when you do one of your events. He said, $65,000 I said, Okay, what I'd like you to do is I'd like you to donate a day, contribute that. I'd like you to get an airline, fly to Birmingham, pay for your hotel, and I want you to come and do this when I and I'm at that time, I'm not even going. So says, Are you going? I said, No, I won't be there. And then he said, So you want me to wave my fee all those things? And I said, Well, no, there's more. I want you to get the book and reread it. At the end of that, he said, Yes, it was probably a four minute conversation. Now some people say, Oh, that's because I said. It No, it's like because I have the distinction, the more I love, the more I can love, the more I listen, the more I can hear, and the more I can listen, the more I feel, the more I can feel, the more I love, the more I can love, the more I love, the more I can love, the more I ask, the more I can ask, in every way, how many times and substance of the Ask start small. Know that you are the one that decides that I can't ask. No one can change that with the person's own mind. Thanks for asking the question.

Meredith Bell: 00:45:41

I'm so glad you asked that question, EPEC, because I think anyone listening to this whole conversation could take that section on asking and listen to it multiple times to develop that way of being. The more I ask, the more I ask, because there's so many areas of our lives where we withhold asking, or we're hesitant to ask for fear of hearing no or hear hearing something we don't want to hear. So it goes back, Steve, to what you've said about our thoughts. Our thoughts are what create our limitations in asking in the first place because of anticipating what somebody is going to how somebody might respond, Yes. And do you think this also ties back to our self love and our feelings of self worth?

Unknown: 00:46:38

I believe so that this will sound oversimplified and like I say that's the only way I can get it. I believe that self love and self appreciation is a decision. I could decide to be committed to see what's I love about myself, and I could start seeing it from the state of the being, of being committed, to see where unlovable. It's a decision. It's a choice. How you can see that is the idea someone has is they're choosing not to love themselves, choosing not to forgive themselves, choosing not to let go of something that's also a choice. So what if this thing you're asking me is a decision that I could like I can decide, I call it. It's what I call freedom. So the freedom to decide to have the freedom to be hit this or that, left or right, up or down, I get the freedom of that. And if I can see I have the freedom of it, I can see that I have something to say about anything, anything. I can see it as a choice. I can choose who I'm going to be in two days, and I can do that today, and I can decide that no matter what happens on that event in two days. That's going to be a fun experience. I'm turning that into fun somehow. I can decide, right now, wow, I've lived to be 50, 6070, whatever age someone is, and I'm going to decide to really learn to really love who I am, because everybody wins. When somebody loves who they are, they see other people as loving. If you don't believe that, start playing with it. Start moving away. My intention with time is to just work on how do I be more humble? How do I be more content. How do I be more charitable? How do I be more kind? How do I be more loving? Somebody says, What are you gonna do when you're retired? I said, let God prevail. That's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna be led by God, I'm going to be humble, charitable, kind, loving and content as a choice

Meredith Bell: 00:49:12

Now, as I'm listening to you say that what I'm feeling is what A sense of freedom we can experience when we realize we can decide, we can choose in the moment, rather than, Oh, it's going to take me years to work through whatever happened in the past and be okay with myself. I think that I just feel the word freeing. EPEC, what was your response in listening to what Steve just said?

Ipek Williamson: 00:49:47

Absolutely the same for me. We are just choosing every second of every day. It's up to us to choose what is useful. And to not choose what is non useful.

Unknown: 00:50:05

You both use the word freedom. I like to say something about that, inside of love, inside of listening, inside of everything we've said, I created distinction, not not the truth about freedom, the possibility of freedom, because I'll have clients who say, I wish I had more freedom, more freedom in my relationship, more freedom my work, more freedom with my kids, more freedom with my time. Then I will say to them, if you want to see something, listen to this for just a moment. What if all you have is freedom? And then you begin to think, I'm not saying that there aren't consequences for your freedom, but what if all you have is freedom, and then you begin to think, and people will say stuff like, to me, I don't have all the freedoms. I said, What time did you get up this morning? What time could you have gotten up? There's nobody that got up this morning that had to get up when they got up, they did, for some reason, but they could stay in two more minutes, or they could sleep through work. And I'm not saying there's not going to be a problem, but they have their freedom. What side of the bed did you get out of? What side of the bed could you get out? Why are you wearing that blue shirt? What shirt could you have worn. Sometimes I'll say to a guy, you wear an underwear. He laughs. I said, you don't have to. I said, What color underwear you wear? What color could you wear? I said, What are you eating today for lunch? And he tells me, I'm going there. Says, what else could you eat? You could fast. You could eat vegan. You could eat anything you wanted. You really, could really and you just have to get the food. I said, How are you going to get from my office to where you're going next? So I got my car. Said you could steal a car. You could hitchhike, you could get lift, you could get Uber. We could ask my neighbor for a ride. I said, all you have is freedom. What time you going to go to bed tonight? Where are you going to stay tonight? And that sometimes when I have a real fun and this is all fun, when I'm saying these things, I say now I know that you have a wonderful wife that you love, and I love my wife, but what we're going to do at the end of this session is we're going to go to the south of France and be lovers. I said, That's not we could do it. We have the freedom to do that. I'm not saying there's no consequence, but I'm telling you, all you have is freedom. And then you think, and some of these are, like, outrageous when I said about going to stop the friends. But we don't have freedom to think, I can choose to be happy. All you have is freedom, and then you have thoughts that dismantle the freedom. But all this, there is freedom. And I said to this more than one person, you could get up right now in the middle of what I'm saying and walk out. Get that freedom. We could go across the street and help the lady with her yard, or we could go over there and rob her. It's all you got. It's all there is. Thanks for listening, and I love it. Amy, I'm not going to the south of France

Meredith Bell: 00:53:13

That's fantastic that you brought up that explanation, because I think that's a powerful thought to leave us with as we reflect on our whole conversation today. Steve this idea that it's only our thoughts that get in the way of fill in the blank, not loving, not having freedom, not being loving kindness to others. It's it's our thoughts that create who we're being in the moment. Is there anything else, Steve, that occurs to you in this moment that you would like to share as we wrap up our what I think is just a fantastic conversation,

Unknown: 00:53:58

I would like to tell you to how much I love you and how much you have done to serve people, I feel gifted that I can spend this time with you, that you'd want to talk to me. I appreciate you, and I appreciate everyone that's listening. I love you both very, very much,

Ipek Williamson: 00:54:15

And we appreciate you back, Steve, for everything you do who you are being

Steve Hardison: 00:54:21

Thank you.

Meredith Bell: 00:54:22

Yes, thank you, Ipek, for being with me today. I'm so glad that we were able to share these moments together. And Steve, thank you for the gift of you in our two lives and in the lives of every person that you come in contact with because you are loved to them and thank you for being with us today. It's just been very, very special, as I knew it would be.

Steve Hardison: 00:54:49

Thank you.

Steve Hardison: 00:54:53

TUCP Intro/Outro: Thank you for joining us today. If there's someone you know who could benefit from this conversation. Please share this episode with them. Also check out our website, being movement.com, you'll find valuable resources and links to connect to an engaging and wonderfully supportive community. Together, we can inspire and support each other on the path to a greater understanding of being until next time take care and be kind to yourself. You.