True Service Begins with You - Dr. Saloni Singh

TUCP Intro/Outro: 00:00:08

Welcome to The Ultimate Coach podcast conversations from being inspired by the book, The Ultimate coach, written by Amy Hardison, and Alan Thompson. Join us each week with the intention of expanding your state of being. And your experience will be remarkable. Remember, this is a podcast about be, it is a podcast about you. To explore more deeply, visit theultimateCoachbook.com. Now, enjoy today's conversation from be

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:00:48

Hello, and welcome to The Ultimate Coach podcast. I have the pleasure of having Saloni Sing with me today. And in the absence of her bio, I'd like to create her for you. My experience of you Saloni has been that you're just pure light and love in the world. And when I say light, I literally mean just the buoyancy of air. And simultaneously, like the light that comes from the sun, and, and just encapsulated and in a pure energy of love. And so I know that you know you are also a very powerful coach who has transitioned from being a western medicine healer. But I dare say that you're now just a a whole well being healer, in your in your new profession. So that that's who I've created you for myself.

Dr. Saloni Singh: 00:02:09

Thank you so much, Cordelia, for this beautiful, beautiful creation of me. And I receive it with all my love and grace. Thank you so much for having me here.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:02:20

You're very welcome. So, you know, tell me the story. I'm wondering, how did you begin your path of being?

Dr. Saloni Singh: 00:02:36

Oh, that, and that goes really long bag. To be honest. I would say when I was a young girl, I always was very, very curious. And being born in a household Hindu household where I would wake up with my mom chanting Gita, and she used to wake up very early morning at 4am, we would still be sleeping. And it was the same room where we had the temple, and inside the house and also our bathroom. So we will be sleeping, but I could hear this chance and Keita. She would read it every morning. So that was my you know, earliest memory. And I would ask her questions. Like, why are we born? Why are we here? What is the purpose of our lives and all these things? She didn't have many answers, though. And we used to sleep under the sky at that time. So we used to have open areas where we would sleep and other skies, I used to literally talk to stars. So I feel that my journey of being starts from here the curiosity. Now being a good student, I became a doctor, I became gynecologist. But in the very first year of my you know, Medical College, I realized that I'm in the wrong place. It doesn't feel right for me. But I just didn't know what to do with that. And I kept going. As life takes like with my with my best friend from college, he's also a doctor. We both went to the UK for royal college studies and working there in London, you know, in a very highly specialized hospital and very good post. I just felt that it's kind of a validation, because there was something constantly I felt was missing. And it gave me that validation that what I'm hearing since very young age is something like my soul is whispering for a different direction. And I was an amateur and you break in 2006 and I started to look for careers in psychology and spirituality. I knew that my second daughter is coming. I don't want to go back to uni and spent many years studying and I just was looking for something that will give me opening to venture into this field and I pop up a workshop called life coaching a free event of life coaching and I'm like let me go and see what it sounds very interesting. I went there by the evening I called my husband and I said I found it and he knew that there is calling I'm talking about this something my soul is calling I do Know what is it? I said, I found it, this is what it is. I just want to be a life coach. And he was like, sure he could feel the conviction, my voice, he said, go ahead and make okay, I'm signing up. So I signed up, I started my training. And once I became a coach, there was no looking back. So I resigned from my job as a gynecologist, started my journey. And that was my journey, beginning of spirituality as well. I found my first mentor into Dr. Robert Holden. He's a psychologist who did research on happiness, and a lot of his work is around love. I have been, that's where my journey began. And then I moved back to India, because I realized like pushing was something very new in India at that time, people didn't know anything about it. But I really wanted to work with people here. And as I say that the life came full circle, and three years back when COVID happened. And on my morning walk, I was listening to a podcast and I heard Gary Mahler. I just felt very deeply connected with what he was saying, because in my coaching journey, I realize it was not about doing, it was not about what I was doing with Mike lines are what they're doing. It was more about who am I being, that creates a shift in my clients, who am I being that creates a shift in my coaching practice. And I felt that exactly, that's what he was talking about, I connected with him, I hired him as my coach. And for my you know, in my journey, I wanted to go further. And that's when I came to know about Steve, as he used to talk a lot about Steve, his coach. And then I saw that video on internal commitment, which created a huge shift for me, for the areas where I wasn't showing up fully committed, where I was limiting myself, where I was doubting myself to go in the world, create the way you know, I wanted to create my coaching practice. So that kind of really came full circle and solidify, I would say what I was feeling for all those years. And so these were two main things that happened with my work with Gary and I would say trickling from Steve, to get you to me as well was one was really being fully committed to my path 100% And the other was being unconditional love. When I watched my document for the first time in 2020, the first sentence that came I sat in meditation, and then I let those document come through me. I never thought it would happen this way. But the first sentence was that I am I Unconditional Love. I Am Presence. So from there, I started to body work on that more and more to embody that in every interaction everywhere, whether it's my client, my family or a stranger. So that has been the journey and discontinuing. Yeah, I love your whole answer,

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:08:04

like from beginning to end because it it answers another question that's been percolating for me since I went to India, which is being comes from India. You know, so and, of course, you, you said that at the beginning of your story, and then the meeting of the East Meets West, because you went to London, right with your medical studies. But then you were you wanted to come back home to help people here, right, because here's the thing, right? Sometimes when you grow up in a thing, you take it for granted. And you need that reawakening. So I love how you shift it, you're being and you're you're being more present in your coaching practice through your work with Gary Mahler, with the trickling from Steve. So I'm wondering, like, what have you seen, like, what difference has occurred since you started working with Gary versus all the years prior to that? Letter, beautiful

Dr. Saloni Singh: 00:09:23

question. You know, I think it was in the very first session, that shift happened. I was talking to Carrie and I was telling like my mother, she's a synonym of service. The only thing I have seen since I'm born, her just serving, serving serving, though one thing that Gary taught me and which I had seen was service. He said service includes you salary. And that was one thing I never saw my mother doing. So when we grew up, we chose to tell our mother you were doing too much. She would do anything In everything for others, sometimes at stake or for our own health, like we have it there. And I remember my my CV, my mother's sister, there was a wedding and my mother was unfeeling. Well, still, She's the eldest sister, she would do everything by by her own hand, she will make things and do things. And we'll say, please take rest, you are not taking rest. So service is like giving, giving, serving, just loving, caring, nurturing others. And that's what I saw. And somewhere we imbibe that in our culture a lot in India, especially I've seen with other people as well, for us. So we mean, just providing and giving to others. And what Gary taught me was that yes, that's always you give selflessly you provide. And you are also serving yourself, you include yourself. And I'm like, I know, I thought it that way. And that made so much sense, because that's what I was trying my you know, to tell my mother as well that please take care of yourself as well, while you're torturing us, and all the extended family, we have huge extended family here, you know, in India. Body divided by the wedding party means hundreds of people, and they all have families and doesn't even feel like extended families, just like your first family, a lot of people, and we love to make things, you know, cook for ourselves and feed to everyone. So it was more about as service that includes me, and how it shifted in my coaching practice. Earlier, the way I was charging was very less, and I would hesitate, you know, charging more. And I would always feel like, Oh, I'm serving, and that was kind of holding me back, going off to full. I remember a client I worked with and after six months of work, he got very busy in his business, I knew that there's a lot of things is still holding back. And I must serve with him more. And he should take more coaching to go deeper into the limiting belief still is holding, but I didn't say that. So what shifted for me, after you know, coaching with Gary, I started telling my clients, I knew you were you need a full year, we need to work a full year for all that we are seeing here. And I could say that with you know, power with conviction. And they would come back and say, You're so right. You're so right. This is so deep this this you know what I'm feeling there was this client I'm talking about actually came back to me. And this time I told him, I will not coach you less than one year and there was a deep you know, fear of abandonment. From his childhood he was carrying, I said it will take time. We'll walk through it, we could completely overcome that. And that happened. That happened. So this shifted, though I changed my face. Because as I kept reminding myself service includes me. Yes. So I'm serving people with all my love, and same love I give to myself. So yeah, that was the biggest shift, I would say.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:13:09

I love that. So I'm hearing you say that. You learn that service Begins With Self nurturing.

Dr. Saloni Singh: 00:13:16

Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:13:21

Yeah. And, and that's the real essence of unconditional love to.

Dr. Saloni Singh: 00:13:27

Absolutely, yeah, taking myself not being harsh on myself, didn't rest when needed and forgiving myself. People are not able to, you know, fulfill my own expectations and really see myself through eyes of love the way I see my clients, I could see that, like I'm so much loud to them. But for me, I wasn't that loving that kind. So that all started to shift. And that was the difference. I noticed. The way I looked at service for you know, from my mother's eyes, people around me in East it was more about for others. There was no conversation about self love. I never heard about a self service. There was no knock on supply that was is when I you know worked with my earlier mentor robot or Gary especially, it was more about mind giving it to yourself, because when you do that it's so natural. If it's like you're a fountain now it's just naturally flowing out of you. That sort of started to happen then yeah,

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:14:33

yeah. So you were loving your clients more fiercely by charging them more and Manding more from them, right? Like no more three months. No more six months. One year. We're gonna get to the bottom of this.

Dr. Saloni Singh: 00:14:51

Yes. Fiercely loving them telling them this is required. This is required. Yeah, that's not shy away. Let's go much, much deep. And let's let's crack it make it happen. 100% commitment. So it was like all in, I'm all in and I want you all in. So I started to choose my clients very clearly in the first interaction, I would tell them, This is what it takes to work with me. Nothing less than all in Yeah, that was a shift. That was a huge shift, I would say.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:15:25

So I heard you just use this word commitment. And there's like a section in the ultimate coach book about commitment. So how has your relationship with commitment help you to step more into your leadership? Big time,

Dr. Saloni Singh: 00:15:39

big time, I would say. So. The first thing is about knowing my commitment, I use the word devotion. So when I'm fully committed, I feel fully devoted to the divine in me, that's how I started to see commitment. Because earlier, I would get distracted.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:16:00

That just for the people in the back that didn't hear that. Okay, so.

Dr. Saloni Singh: 00:16:07

So I love this word anyway, devotion so much more. And I started to see my internal commitment is me being devoted to the divine in me, that's how I started to see this. And what shifted earlier, sometimes, you know, I would get distracted by you know, the shiny objects, okay, I need to go on social media and do this or do that, or something else, or a new program or new this. And then I will just bring myself to my commitment. Where am I standing 100% devotion in this moment, right where I am to myself, to the person in front of me to this moment. So that commitment, devotion, as I'm saying, really, really enhanced the leadership in me, I became so laser focused, I was so laser focused. When I said that I am being unconditional love. That's who I am, then it's like, nothing can move me from that. And I chose this statement which Steve has shared in his document. And that had the biggest impact on me. No one is worthy of my attachment. And everyone is worthy of my love, including me. There was a Vegas fide and this devotion to this particular commitment, this declaration. Every time I judged myself, my family member, anyone, I'll keep coming back to that. And it really was bringing the leader, the loving leader, you know, in harnessing that bringing that out of me that yes, I can stand in this knowing that yes, that's true, I can start to see everyone with eyes of divine love. And it was not any more of concept. So earlier, you know, you know, in India, and I must say means I see the divine in you. And I need a long I knew that. And I tried to feel because for us, it's very natural. We do namaste to everyone. So you know, and something like on a daily basis, and every moment you see anyone, it's like you're not paying attention that much. It's like an autopilot more and more. Rather, people have less might see them as they're more seriously, I would say because for us, it's like Hello, we do not mistake simple. But I started to pay attention that Yes. When I'm saying I'm really committing to see the divine in you. It's not just like a fleeting, you know, Todd, it's not just like for the same for the concept anymore. It's more like, that's what I hold myself. To, for that's what I'm devoting my life for.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:19:02

I love how you were talking about, you know, Namaste, like the actual meaning of the word and how, perhaps me as a visitor to India took that meaning on a lot more seriously than you because it's Hello for you. And for me, it's like, the divine in me sees the divine in you, you know, so. And I was thinking about that, interestingly enough, when we had our little blip, and I was like, let's see, I guess I did, you know, so like walking down the hall at my hotel, you know, the sometimes there would be staff and the whole way and and I would really stop with each one and just really pause and they just sometimes looked at me and smiled a lot, you know? And, and perhaps it was because of that because they don't pause anymore, you know? Yeah.

Dr. Saloni Singh: 00:20:00

Yeah, it can become an autopilot. But now I just am paying more attention to it when I'm doing it. Yeah. So taking that pause that you're mentioning, and really notice saying that this is what it means, am I paying attention? Am I really noticing the divine or just doing the you know, like a chore? Like

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:20:25

wow, that's, that is really, you know, something to give presents to, you know, that's an opportunity all throughout your day, you know, as you interact with people on the street, and you know, your people in your house, and your clients. And so I love that. I also want to to bring up you, you mentioned just really in passing all the doing that we tend to do when we start these online, coaching businesses or any kind of online business, which is being on social media. Now. What I noticed is like me, you like to play with music and images. I love your wheels. There you go fun.

Dr. Saloni Singh: 00:21:15

Yeah, I'm a Bollywood fan. Dancer. Thank you. Thank you.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:21:25

You're welcome. So like is, I mean, what I've used social media for. And mostly Instagram is really just to do that. It's like, Cordelia don't take it. So seriously. Let's have fun, right? It's to be social. And I see that that's the way you're using it. Is that accurate?

Dr. Saloni Singh: 00:21:46

Absolutely. Absolutely. To be honest, I'll tell you a shift that happened for me that I was thinking to recorded. You know, social media is something I have been very active, not very, but active to odd. You know, I do take breaks, like sometimes I just go social media for a month or so a digital break, I do that as well. Just to be more with myself. On social media, even though being active, I noticed that used to overwhelm me. So when I got media, and if I see there are so many posts, and so much going on. So many people are connecting every day and getting requests and people tagged me, I would just get overwhelmed. And I notice when we just before the event, actually, I noticed because a lot of people were connecting. And that I was telling this to my friend to my daughter, I told my husband that I'm just getting overwhelmed. I'm just getting overwhelmed. And I was telling push on and just getting so overwhelmed with social media. And one night I was sitting, and I thought, Okay, what am I telling myself constantly? I just gave this to this realization, who am I being when I'm telling constantly I'm get overwhelmed. While the truth is I love connecting with people. I absolutely love connecting with people. I love having fun. And I love seeing people's beautiful, you know, pictures and what they posting. So I consciously created that. I love going on social media. I love connecting with people. And I choose how much time I say there. Because there's a conscious choice. So how a fixed time for me, if it's 20 minutes, that's it. 20 minutes. My first one my app is off because I put a timer, and I can't go back. So this is something I've chosen because this is the kind I wanted time I want you to vote there. But I chose like, okay, how can I be to enjoy it more. And I thought, Wow, I love connecting with people. And I'm so much. I'm having so much fun while I'm there. That shifted a lot that shifted this a lot, actually. And now this is how I'm feeling. So every time I go on Facebook or Instagram or LinkedIn, I'm just having fun. And naturally whatever comes through me, I just post if I want to otherwise connect with people, and the overwhelm is

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:24:06

going off. I love that. Yes. See? So simple words create your world

Dr. Saloni Singh: 00:24:16

to joy simply, yeah.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:24:20

Yes. So it's another way to hang out with people without getting on a plane.

Dr. Saloni Singh: 00:24:27

Absolutely. So much fun and you feel you are you together you feel that yes, you're connected. You have this extended, you know, family all over the world and you feed each other you see each other. So I started to see the beauty even more now in that.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:24:46

Thank you. Oh my goodness, there's so much gold in our conversation. And, you know, I am sure for our viewers and listeners that you know they're enjoying And, and learning and listening to this conversation as if it's about themselves. Because that's what the conversations from being are about. So I just, I thank you so much. I'm so grateful for this time with you today. And I'm wondering, is there anything else that you'd like to put into the space?

Dr. Saloni Singh: 00:25:26

Yeah, one thing that spatially came to me during the co creation of the ultimate experience, and on the day, I saw had shared that my train one of my dream was to meet my coach Gary, I love him. Absolutely. I love him so much. And I had told them that this is one of my dream. And I was somehow in my limited mind, I thought, because Canada healer is based in Vancouver, currently living in Tokyo, and my mind, Canada, or Tokyo, it was never my travel list. And I thought maybe in a 10 years time, and with my kids, I settle and I'll be traveling the world and one day. And we, and I don't, I am definitely, in this lifetime going to meet you and hug you. But I never thought like, just like magic. And he told me like when the event was, you know, announced, I told him like, will you become engaged? He was like, no, no, no, it's my wife's birthday. So it's not possible. And I was like, Yeah, I understand. And then just happened, like a miracle. He planned. He was being part of Panama speaker and he came to India. And when I met him and asked him, I was like, This is what I told him, Gary, every thing that's possible. That's what I got it. And he literally got it so deeply. Like, if it's possible, I never thought I'm gonna meet Steve and Amy, I spoken to them. And soon before, I had interviewed me for my podcast a couple of years back, and I loved you know, being but I never ever thought, even in my dreams that they will come to India, and we will get to meet them and so many people who are connected on Facebook and feel like family. So this was the biggest thing that got retreated earlier, I used to say that, to my kids, everything is possible. This time, I realize, you know, it was more of a concept for me, but this time, it truly literally got soaked into my being like every cell of my existence, my being was feeling everything as possible. Anything is possible. It's just, it's about me allowing my desires to come through me feel them, but it's coming from my heart and soul, not from your mind, because in my mind, it's always limited. That's what I feel all people asked me, you know, how could you do that gynecologist on a lot. And it's been such a great career. How would you change do you not think? And honestly, I did not think for a moment. Because the only thing that I felt was coming from my heart and soul. There was no mind involved, like, Oh, I didn't know anything, have been known as a life coach. And even when I became an I resigned, I was like literally standing Okay, what do I coach now? I have no good, good few years to kind of understand, oh, I need to tell people, I'm a coach, I need to do this. That's when people go. Yeah, and but the thing is, is when you are connected deeply with your heart, with your soul, with the Source within you, and that's guiding you allow that desire to come through you and anything as possible, you can co create it with the source. And that says so deeply. I know that and I hope everyone know that. And I really hope have a good everyone could feel that in the ultimate experience in there. You and the way I felt it i That's That's my loving wish for everyone that they just deeply know, in the fiber of their being. They can be whoever they want to be and CO create whatever they want to create with the sauce in this life. That's it that it is come true love. That's it. Thank you.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:29:33

Thank you. Yes, I agree that that does make our conversation complete. Thank you so much for being with me today for being with us today. And for those of you who are listening and viewing share this with another soul. Share this with another heart and always consider who you're being.

Dr. Saloni Singh: 00:29:58

Thank you. Thank you so much. Let's now let's

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:30:02

learn this