Being Love and Connection - Philippe Bartu

TUCP Intro/Outro: 00:00:08

Welcome to The Ultimate Coach Podcast conversations from being inspired by the book The Ultimate coach, written by Amy Hardison, and Alan Thompson. Join us each week with the intention of expanding your state of being. And your experience will be remarkable. Remember, this is a podcast about be it is a podcast about you. To explore more deeply visit the ultimate Coach book.com. Now, enjoy today's conversation from being

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:00:48

Welcome to The Ultimate Coach Podcast. Today I have the pleasure of interviewing one of my co host, Philippe Bartu. And we're going to have a beautiful conversation about his integration of fatherhood. Hello, Philippe power you.

Philippe Bartu: 00:01:11

Hello Cordelia. Great, thank you. And I know that I had said to you it will be the integration of fatherhood. And I feel like maybe it's more about the integration of the impact of the book of being and the understanding behind being in my life, fatherhood and beyond and see where see where that goes. So thank you, I also want to acknowledge you for having this interview for the second time with me. And I recognize that, you know, when we first did this, in this had this conversation, I felt like they were I had really prepared for it. And I wanted it to be like something that I can really have an impact and share something important. And you know, in doing that, in a way, what I felt kind of took me away just from the essence of who I am. And I got into a little bit of a performance mode. And you know, what's what's interesting is, as I've had conversations with just wonderful guests over them through the ultimate coach podcast, few people know this, but half of the conversations are actually reduce. And, and one of the things I always say to my gas is, this is a conversation that, you know, at the end of the conversation, if you don't feel like this really represents what you want to share, we'll record it again. And most people say we won't be necessary, and then they realize I'll actually, and when whenever we do do a redo bow. It's so much it's just more real, and more beautiful and even even more authentic. And so I'm just calling myself out today on that. And then for that possibility for it to be that.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:03:01

You know, I acknowledge you for that fully, because I know that something that had been top of your heart, you've mentioned it before and and I I love that you have worked it out for yourself, what? What's going on with that? I'm also hearing that when you're having intentional conversations about being sometimes the first conversation perhaps should not be recorded, maybe should just be a connection, you know, let's connect. And so the behind the scenes for me is I usually have like a caller to with my people first. And just kind of you know, hang out with them a little bit. And then we set the date. So,

Philippe Bartu: 00:03:51

so wise. Yeah, that's so wise. It's unclick for me, I have I have taken that on In fact, I'm speaking to my next guest tomorrow, and it's just a connection conversation.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:04:03

Yeah, yeah. Just hang out with him. Yeah, we just

Philippe Bartu: 00:04:05

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And that really, you know, speaks to that word, connection. And I want to say something about that, you know, just yesterday, I had a off I had this. So I'm working with a, with a team right now and met with three people on that team, who just had a break down. They were not speaking this was on Friday, and they were not speaking to each other. They were just one of the one of the team members actually said I don't want him on the team. I really don't feel like I can trust him. He's a liar. And basically, I don't want to have anything to do with him. And so I'm, I'm a coach for the whole team. And another possibility for everybody wins on this team. And you know, this is this is where the being committed to that possibility is so important in everything that I take on in life. That's where it that's one of the things I want to share is just, I, I wasn't sure how the hell am I going to handle this? In China? So I called them up. They were it was there's no manual for their sales I can use maybe I should call Steve. I'm sure he has something he can say or call a friend. I hadn't done yeah, I got really insecure, and I and so I just say, you know, I'm sorry, I called each of them individually. And I again, I stayed in, and I just am kept that possibility alive for an authentic harmony and just real joy, flow and collaboration. And, and so they all agreed, we got on that call. And, and the morning before the call, I got really insecure. I was like, Oh, my God, what am I going to do? And, and I called up a few friends. And I spoke to Sarah nanny, and I spoke to Steve and he sahaja. He said, just infuse the space with love. And I was like, Oh my God, that's so beautiful. How the hell do I do that? And I then spoke to my wife. And I was telling her, you know, I'm feeling kind of insecure around this call. And she just lied to me. And she said, Well, what do you think is missing? And as I got to the answer, the root of that question, it was connection, B. And what was missing? Was connection. So when we got on the onto that call, I was no longer looking at what do I need to fix? What needs to be improved? Or what what can change all I was looking at is, let's have it let's explore what's missing. And I tell you, it was it was incredible, because we just when they got to see that the connection piece was missing in the access to connection is its authenticity and realness. They started to speak up, speak straight, and actually say what they would never able to say. And I got to see oh my god, that was me. That's been me all my life, I have been so committed to looking good looking professional, being well spoken, how and pleasing. And being polite. Yeah, and actually, in this team, and this is true for myself. The biggest breakdowns in all my relationships have been because I just didn't speak up and didn't speak straight. And I was speaking code through being polite thinking, you know, my politeness was kind of like my badge of honor. And, and it was a respectful thing. And but that didn't see they were the cost of that was connection. So there was no real connection. And I tell you what, and then they they got real, they said what they had to say, we created some agreements together. And and one of the team members said to me, you know, I feel like, we're a family now. Yeah. And, you know, that's, that's the miracle of what happens when we really take on the possibility of in this case, it's everybody winch. And the possibility for this team was everybody wins. And that that's, you know, if we can take that on as a possibility for our life, in every relationship with everyone, for everybody to win, what would that look like? And what would that mean? So that's just something I'm pressing to right now.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:08:32

Yeah, it's an amazing how the reflection of who we are being shows up everywhere. For you it showed up at work, you know?

Philippe Bartu: 00:08:42

Yeah. And it's, I mean, it's endless, because one of the things I was going over the, the book of being in preparation for this, and I was like, oh, gosh, there's so much gold in here. Oh, yeah. So there there, there are a few things that really stuck out for me. And one of the things I read was The key factor to creating a desired outcome is what do you think that is? An action. You know, I love it that you said connection. And I want to speak to you about that. But it says our action, the key factor to creating a desired outcome is action. And that's so true. Like nothing happens without action, right. Yeah. And what we can look at is the action. See the creating what you desired, can happen from a place of inspiration, joy in flow, and it can happen from a place of push fearfulness. Flood work. And, and that's an end. I think that's that's what this book shows is about how do you create without being so how do you when you go Your intention on the being behind the action. There's a sudden awareness of the action that you're doing that is out of alignment with how you want to be.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:10:16

Which is why I said connection. Because for Yeah, it's aligning the heart and the mind always beautiful and believing. Believing in that alignment and being honoring that alignment and being true to that. And that's where the action comes from. Because when your heart and your mind are aligned and connected, your action will be you become a conduit for the divine.

Philippe Bartu: 00:10:51

Hmm, that's so beautiful. That's actually that, that's actually more simply said, than whatever I butchered. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna tell you that that was really beautiful. So looking at that the key factor for creating a desired outcome is action derived from connection. Yeah. What have you noticed, looking in your life around that?

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:11:25

Whenever I am, out of alignment with my heart in my mind I lack connection. And I'm very robotic. We were talking about this before we came

Philippe Bartu: 00:11:41

out and robotic, the robotic email you sent me that was really offensive.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:11:47

Yeah, when I'm robotic, it can be offensive. And that's because I'm not allowing myself to be a conduit for the divine. I'm not. I'm not honoring. She knew. I'm not honoring my. My beingness.

Philippe Bartu: 00:12:09

But I Yeah, but I think that is by design. I'm very effective. Because actually, you're the power here is recognizing this choice. It's not, how can I be more aligned? And? Yeah, like, how can I, you know, you can pick it up? You can you can really, and this is a place I've fallen into is like looking Oh, how can I be more? How can I access more of this divinity? Or how can I access more connection? And I think that what what's been powerful, is just recognizing that there's that there's a choice. And most of the time, I wasn't even aware there was a choice.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:12:53

And so many of them I and I, I'm aware that there's a choice. So I go towards judging myself when I'm out of alignment, that you're you're right, because sometimes it is a choice to be. It's not so much. Yeah, I guess it is a choice to be out of alignment or more in my head than in my heart. And sometimes it's unconscious. You know,

Philippe Bartu: 00:13:18

I think if we recognize that as a choice, we would choose alignment. And I think the reason we're out of alignment is when I was saying choice, that's just a blind spot. Yes. And so the context through which we are operating from is there is no choice. And so we behave and based on how the world looks to us. And if that is I am, like I woke up on that morning, and I was just feeling fearful, and not good enough. So the context that I was in was I am fearful when I'm not good enough. And that was See, I didn't choose that. It was just I didn't see it was blind to me that I had a choice.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:14:05

You were unconscious? It was I was

Philippe Bartu: 00:14:07

unconscious. Yeah. Yeah. So so. And I think that's the beauty of this game of being is we get to fall in and out of seeing all the time every day.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:14:21

And that's the gift is seeing it as a game. See there he because I don't think a lot of people see it that way. They're just like, I must be right. And that's not it. It's like it's it's a game you got to play, you know?

Philippe Bartu: 00:14:37

Yeah, yeah. And I think gamifying it has been really really helpful for me as well just like because because that because you know, there's something playful about a game. You know, when you when you fall over, you get up and you keep playing. But you don't you don't just play you just get on with the game. And when it's not a game, you can sort of beat yourself up and all of that and And I think what some what's important in in when you're playing a game is you're committed to the game. You're committed to playing the game. And I think that is that that's where there's a, you know, there's a huge piece that was that, in this book helped me access was really the power of commitment and will and understanding how commitment is whether behind gun, I'm gonna play the game, whether I'm in alignment or not like a show up and I play, and I'm on the court and I'm, and it's messy. And, and I tell you, when I, when I came across this book, I was in a place where I was feeling a lot of frustration. And I had just, I had been coaching for seven, eight years and had really fallen in love with coaching. But I had found myself having kind of the same conversations over and over again, and got to the point where the very thing that got me inspired to join coaching was the possibility and making a difference in people's lives, but the creation part. And over the years, somehow, I fell into the mental health space. And I was doing a lot of work around inner peace and well being and mental health. And after a while, as much as I loved that work, and running retreats, and just doing a lot of beautiful work, after a while it did feel like something was missing. And what was missing for me, was the creation piece. And what was missing for me behind the creation piece was the commitment piece. He and NASA and so this was when I woke up to that. I felt literally unstoppable. And I remember listening to the Steve Hardison in Arizona, I'm just I was just listening to his talk. And in that moment, I declared myself as I am Unlimited, that is who I am as a possibility. And that was a complete shift in who I became and how I showed up. And, and, and now it is my you know, this this alignment out of alignment, it's the way I see the way I operate is through I'm either being limited when I'm being disempowered in the in my way of being or or I'm being empowered. And when I'm empowered, and I'm not limited by the internal narratives and the stories that hold me back. And when I and the more I've taken that on, the more I have seen, just breaks through a lot of the just a lot of the limitations I had put myself on, on on what's possible in terms of impact in terms of money in terms of I wouldn't even say joy and peace. I feel like joy and peace were really something I had, but there was always a level of frustration that came with a lot of judgment and beating myself up for not being where I want to be. And and that that's been the biggest gift. Yeah,

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:18:11

I want to slow down a little bit because you've said a lot of things. And you know, for people that are listening, please. They may be like, Oh, wait, yeah, I resonate with that I resonate with this. So I want to go back to the you are in love with your coaching practice. But there was something in there because you'd been doing it for seven or eight years. Have you noticed that? Just as a human being you tend to be on a like a seven year cycle, right?

Philippe Bartu: 00:18:45

Yeah, I thought it either. Yeah. But it was time at time to reinvent my shot.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:18:50

Yeah, it's like the cyclical part of just being it is what I was hearing in that. And also because I've also had my practice for about almost eight years and similar kind of shift have felt, you know, and this year, so just that that cycle of requiring to shake up your system a little bit. It seems to be in play there. And then the second thing that really stands out that I want to slow down with is your I'm gonna offer that you weren't it's not that you were not you were not previously committed. You had a new awareness and understanding of commitment. Would you agree with that?

Philippe Bartu: 00:19:42

Yeah, I would say I had a different relationship with what commitment meant.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:19:47

Yeah. Because clearly, if you've been in your practice for all these years, you were committed.

Philippe Bartu: 00:19:54

I was casually committed.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:19:56

Okay, let's talk about that. What does that mean? That

Philippe Bartu: 00:19:59

meant that up, I would do things. Because I felt it was I had a lot of reasons not to do things. Because it because of how I felt or thought about things. And I would often call that intuition. And I would, I would say it was wisdom, when it was actually just a context that was creating was keeping me limited.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:20:29

So you aren't creating your own vacuum of yarn possibility.

Philippe Bartu: 00:20:35

Yeah, my possibility was was was coming from a limited context of how I saw myself in the world.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:20:43

And when I was nine people are resonating with that

Philippe Bartu: 00:20:46

I was enjoying my life as a limited possibility. I wasn't necessarily bad repeat that I was enjoying my life as a limited pasta and in the context of being a limited possibility. And I could have lived a happy life that way. It wasn't like I had to break out from it. And but I was met with frustration, and I learned to, to sort of live with that, and not being not really being bothered by that. But ultimately, there was always a longing for, for really the freedom. I mean, I would I would see people that which truly unlimited. And I'd think, wow, oh, well, that's just, that's just not me, like, I'm fine, not. And so then, then I have just decided that, and this is this is the, you know, this is the power of language, how we, the stories we tell ourselves that become unexamined. They become our truth. And we don't even realize the truth is an unexamined story we tell ourselves, there's not as in them, and there's nothing true about that.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:22:05

And when I acknowledge you for recognizing that in you, without judgment,

Philippe Bartu: 00:22:10

yeah, and I learned to make that my happy place. Yeah. And it wasn't Yeah. And that's why it was so hard for me to break out of it, because there was all these noble ideas I had about it. And one of them was like the story, I would tell myself, I everyone's looking for inner peace and well being. So I'm just gonna be a coach that helps people get what they really want. Because the other coaches, they said, there was judgment, you know, there was judgment. Oh, yeah. What I really wanted was to be a coach that can help people create the life that they wanted, and all levels. And I was secretly inauthentic about that, like, I was frustrated, because I was not able to do that. But I was able to help people access more inner peace of well, being really well, I became really, really good at that. And I knew anyone you put in front of me, I can help them access more of that. And after a while, the inauthenticity of that crept in, and I felt that's no longer the game I want to play. And since I stopped sighs, so I so no, I stepped away from coaching for Okay, yeah, and I actually wanted and I it was during the pandemic, and I created an online cooking class business with my wife, and we were giving zoom classes online. And, and I mean, that's a whole story in itself. And, and I was having a lot of fun. And it was just fun. And it was there was there was there wasn't the depth of of coaching, but it was playful. And I really loved it. But after a while, it felt superficial. And I felt this, I knew this wasn't in alignment with what I was meant to do. And I also wasn't honest with myself about why I did it. And the real reason why I did it is because my wife is a health coach, and I wanted to use that as a platform to help her promote her business and then step out when she got pregnant. And then I was like, Okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go back and do that coaching thing. And that's when I discovered the ultimate coach, I had stopped coaching. This book has helped me completely and utterly fallen in love with coaching and life again.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:24:25

Or congratulations, and I celebrate that for you. I also celebrate your desire to support your wife's business. So, you know, although eventually that felt superficial for you, your tension in the beginning and the opportunity you afford it yourself in that space to give yourself time and space away from your own coaching practice. You know what I mean? There's so many gyms within that, that space that I don't really know how to do diminish it by saying, Well, Frank, you are official.

Philippe Bartu: 00:25:02

Yeah. Well, thank you for saying that. Because actually an intention is more beautiful than like, the way I was looking at it was more like it was a hidden agenda.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:25:12

Yeah, don't frame it like that for you. Yeah. Well, so

Philippe Bartu: 00:25:16

that's, that's actually not it's not a in an empowering way of seeing it. It was it was an act of love, and as well as an act of love and support for my wife. Yeah, that's what it was

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:25:26

an act of love and support for yourself, too, right? Because you, you're actually giving yourself time and space away.

Philippe Bartu: 00:25:33

Yeah, it was. And it was also a time when everyone was at home and had to cook and it was during COVID. And I got to cook with friends. I hadn't seen any years like my high school friends. And we had birthday parties. And all of a sudden, people wanted to connect and come together, then they had no way of doing it. And they anyway had to cook. And so we have this like really great product. But it was, yeah, it was just it was like just a short. I was like a fun project during COVID.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:26:08

Yeah. But a beautiful one. And we're back to the word connection again.

Philippe Bartu: 00:26:14

That's true. That's true. Yeah.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:26:18

Yeah. The

Philippe Bartu: 00:26:20

love, I love the way you slow things down and undershoot those questions and really unpack it. It's like, Oh, what a joy. And I just want you to know that I'm feeling really connected to you and this conversation, I'm really appreciating that.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:26:34

Oh, thank you for that. I feel connected to you to sleep. And I am wondering, as we're back on the word connection, coming home to tell him back home to connecting with Oliver, writing the arrow. What has been revealed to you now in the way that you're being? Whatever?

Philippe Bartu: 00:27:04

When we started this conversation, you asked me, How am I adjusting to being a dad? And one of the things that I have discovered is like, I had looked at how do I add being a dad and Oliver into my life on top of my normal life. And that has been impossible. It just doesn't work. Just and, and so a lot of the times you say how are you adjusting? And so interesting in that question, how are you adjusting to fatherhood? It's really like fatherhood is a new way of being now how am i How is my life adjusting to this new way of being? So if fatherhood is the foundation, I'm no longer looking at how do I fit Oliver and being a dad? In my life, the foundation is I'm a dad. And my priority is the connection with my son. What is the structure that I need to create so I can have that? And how can I then fit my life into the foundation of that structure. And when when I took that on and and this is where I structure is super important, as my day starts at 5:30am, I'm with Oliver until 8:30am. And that's how it works. Like I get to help them I get to be with him, I go for walks, and we it's our time together and allows my wife to sleep in and little and catch up on the rest. Wake up and actually make breakfast and have a shower and do all these things without having to clean out manage a rebel bait. So it allows her mornings to be more smooth. And then yeah, and so you know, I love to cook so I make lunch. And then after lunch I'm, I'm with him for that hour. So she helps with cleaning up and and that's the that's just the structure, right? And that's the structure that and then in the evening, we have some time together as a family. And we look at how do we fit things from that foundation. And I was trying to do it the other way around before and if so missing. Oh my goodness.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:29:29

Yes, I look I have six children. I have cin I know I know what you're talking about, but I love

Philippe Bartu: 00:29:36

Joomla imagine what that is like? Well, it's not

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:29:39

interesting as a single mom, but you know, this podcast episode is about you. So what I'm also hearing there is I love how you and your wife have created parenthood as the foundation and leadership of your lives and A structured, everything around that. And I'm also hearing that, that allows you to show up differently in your actual work. Because there, you're you're essentially saying, This is who I am. And this is what is worthy of my time and fits into the structure of my life, as opposed to is being a father worthy of fitting into my business. You know what I mean? So I love how you've flipped that. Am I hearing that correctly?

Philippe Bartu: 00:30:45

Yeah, it took a while. I didn't get that at the beginning. It took a while. I think I'm still, I wouldn't even say I've got I I'm still maybe like, as I'm speaking this today that that clarity is really helping me in the mean, your questions, and it's actually really helping me and in seeing the, the importance and the power of that. And and you know, or want to acknowledge you said something in our in our last conversation about the 40 days of rest. And that was the beginning of me, looking at how I was not prioritizing, just rest, fatherhood and family time together. And I was trying to just get ahead, you know, and the way that you said that I really, really heard it, Cordelia and I. And then from that moment, I'd really took that on. And it was a, I think the word you used was a retreat. And then so I came back home, and I went into retreat. And I allow myself to say no, to some many things that I thought I had to say yes to. And all of a sudden, what was left was space. And that was the biggest gift. And that conversation opened up a whole new way of being. And that was just one compensation. So that was that was how much joy monitoring you brought into you sent my way.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:32:15

You're welcome. Yeah, the 40 days is an ancient tradition, though, you know, we get in our way of doing right, because that's what we're human doings these days, we neglect to give ourselves the 40 days with our, our new addition to the family, and being with our spouse, and our our newborn. And it's so important to to be in that retreat experience, you know, and replenish and connect. So I'm, I'm so happy for you, I love that for you and your family that you actually took that on, as your way of being. And now look, where you've come to, you know, the way you're being, with your family, the way you're being in your business, the way you're being for your clients, you're able to be a stand for your clients now, from the space.

Philippe Bartu: 00:33:17

You know what pretty I was, I was never a stand in the way I am now. And just as you say that I really realize what sifted is I am such a stand. I am such a stand for for what's important to me. And, and I'm really feeling that, you know, it's there's freedom and being a stand for something. Yeah. And there's freedom and being committed to something. Yeah, that I've discovered. And yeah. And as real, as real power, you know, I want what I want to share in like, eight years ago, I created a company called the leadership coaches. And the vision was to, you know, do some transformational work and change culture in organizations. And that was eight years ago. And this something that I've just started creating now, a years ago, I created that I created a company with that intention. And as like, what's different today than I than eight years ago, and what's different today is understand for that possibility. And eight years ago, it was like, well, let's try this out. This sounds nice. I mean, there was just no commitment. So what happened is I was working with someone for three months and then she said, I you know, I would love for you to coach my team. And as I am so I I sent her a proposal and she loved it and she said to me, you know, it's so it's for the business owner of a startup and she just, you know, startups they don't have much budget for for two In coaching program and, and she just said to me, you know, we'd love to do this, but we're not going to have any funding before February. So we, we can start in February but until then it's going to be down. So this was in September. And, and I noticed that my stand started to weaken, and I became disempowered. And I said to her, okay, yeah, I get that. And I became limited in that moment. And I said to her, well, in that case, let's, let's talk again, in February, in our left that conversation feeling like, that was the truth. There's no money, there's nothing to do. And, and so I spoke to my dear friend Rich habits, who happens to be a trusted advisor and an expert he had been working with with web leadership, companies, and, and it's so interesting, he just said to me, so you let money get in the way? And I said, Yeah, I did. And as he said, I was like, I'm a stand for integrity, service, and authenticity. So those are the three things that I'm a stand for. In and I realized that I had slipped up. And so I went back to her, and I called her up and I said, you know, I realized that I wasn't being a stand for the possibility, I am free, and I'm a possibility of service. And I recognize that by not by waiting until February, until the money comes until the funding comes. That's a lot of time and your startup and I could be helping you and your team right now. So I want to know, if money wasn't an issue, what would be different? And she said, Well, everything would be different, gosh, we'd start tomorrow. And I said, Great, let's do that. And she looked at me kind of confused. And she said, Well, what do you mean? Let's do that. Are you going to work for free? Like I said, there's no money? And I said, Oh, no, I'm not going to work for free. You have my proposal, and you will pay me, I just don't know when you'll pay me. But you will pay me and see that that was taking a stand. And in that moment, she does like that. She just kind of got quiet. And she was really touched. And she said, Wow, I have to tell you, Phil it like, no one's taken a stand for me like that. Like just the way that you just took a stand. I am so inspired by that. And just she got quiet again. And then she said, You know what? There's actually some money I have that's locked up in a savings account in the US. I didn't want to touch and it's really an emergency fund. And I want to use it to pay you for this. It'll take me about a week to liquidate it and move it over. But I could have it on your account by next Monday. Would that be okay?

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:38:10

Yeah, so what did you learn from that?

Philippe Bartu: 00:38:14

Being a stand for a possibility. Where there is no possibility and just being being committed to the stand and, and my stand was being of service and so my own internal dialogue was over what if she doesn't pay me? Oh, but what if? So, what I learned from that is how easy it is for me be a stand from I'm either a stand from my internal dialogue, even over Stam for the real possibility that I see

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:38:50

your stand for service

Philippe Bartu: 00:38:52

for service. Yeah, when I'm gonna stand for service. Yeah, that's it. That's beautiful. I either stand for my inner dialogue or I'm a stand for service. Yeah. And that's what it was. So I got to be Yeah, so I got to actually be a stand for service

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:39:07

and alignment with your values which are the other bus right and yes, I pretty commitment. Yeah.

Philippe Bartu: 00:39:14

And that blew my mind and you know, one week later that money came in on my account. And and that really out and that will go that was my first six months team coaching client and you know, what I have showed up? I have been so committed and I have enjoyed it so much, and I'm learning so much from it. And that without being a stand for service and for that possibility that there's no way that would have happened.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:39:46

Yeah. And it's also great to be connected to high quality people and you know, have high quality people in your inner circle because it it was also we have to ignore allege rich habits here, right? Oh, for sure.

Philippe Bartu: 00:40:03

That's that that mean that basketball is the power of coaching? Because if I had said that to someone who sort of wasn't like, who doesn't get it? Like most Yeah, I mean, most people wouldn't see that as a as a limitation. They would just see that as the truth.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:40:20

Yeah. And that's validates you and that Yeah, right. Oh, yeah. And

Philippe Bartu: 00:40:23

then I would I and then I would ask people and, and they would validate that what I did was the right thing to do. And then don't be surprised that Oh, and February in the end, the funding needs to be has to be allocated for something else, because there's something more important. And, and there you go, they and and so, so I'm sorry,

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:40:44

luxuriating from like from scarcity. Yeah, waiting for and you wouldn't be you know, and, and so what you were waiting for? wouldn't ever be because you you were not aligned, and connected to your values in the first place.

Philippe Bartu: 00:41:07

Yeah, and I know, You've had similar stories yourself around this as well, is there anything that's coming up for you that you'd like to share?

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:41:16

There as I have a little bit of background noise. So that's what I'm, like pausing right now. You know, for me, I recently received an award for my free to be show. And I, it was a mini vacation slash award ceremony, get away with me and my four daughters. And, you know, I had already mapped out what I was going to say, and it was perfect. And then when I got up on the stage to speak, I really want it to connect more with my, my daughters and acknowledge them in the moment. And I, I was so up in my head that I, I wasn't in my heart, you know. And so the words came out, the perfect words came out, and you know, I got the applause, and I got the award. And then afterwards, my daughter's actually told me, you know, Mom, you don't have to be so business see all the time. You can, you can, you can just be yourself. And so I love that, they shared that with me, you know, and, and this, to me is residue of where I struggle with receiving, right? And so and that receiving creates a that lack of receiving creates a stick disconnection. So,

Philippe Bartu: 00:42:57

either soda sodium, how wonderful of your daughter's to do that, and, um, congratulations on your award. Thank you. And again, it brings me back to that key word, which was connection. And, you know, I remember about six years ago, I was sat in the VP office of a big company, like very, like the closest I got to actually getting a corporate gig right was like six moved five, six years ago. And oh, my God, I was so nervous, I prepared so much. And I remember he opened up, we had an hour to talk. And I just, I just started by saying, so I want to make sure that you know, this hour, we're not going to be interrupted by you use it, you want an hour of my time. Like as if that was like, the most sacred thing in the world. And he says, Okay, if you want an hour of my time here to ask you eat first answer these three questions. What are the results you promise? Now, he can prove that you can deliver the results? And where else have you delivered those results. So all of a sudden, like my insecurity kicked in, and I went into this professional looking good performance mode. And I'm actually really, really good. So a little about my background is like the art of deceiving. He was really good at like, faking it and just like, looking confident, like that was my I got very far in life with that. But it was never there was always a conscious that came with that and it was so so yeah. As he said that to me, and I am I got really insecure and I went into that professional Filipino bomb bomb bomb sounded really good and like, just like totally are looking really good and really professional. And as I noticed that, that's exactly not who I want to be on. And this is where there's a shift that happens when you start recognizing that Who Your being is, is not in alignment with who you want to be. And I didn't know what to do. So I just stopped myself. And I said, Can we start again? Maybe any loads me and total studies? Or what do you mean? Yeah, I'm noticing that I'm really trying to impress you. And I'm trying to look good. And that's not who I want to be in this conversation. And I just want to be honest with you. And he got quiet started looking at me. And I said to him, you know, I'm not here to waste people's time. And I haven't worked in a company of this size and created any, I haven't worked like this before. I don't know how I'm going to do it. But here's what's true. Because I can see that there's a real breakdown in the way customer service, that your customer service level is really, really love. If I were to spend some time and get to know what's going on, and actually speak to the people in your team, I could come back to you. And I could come back to you with a way of how I can make a difference for your team. And, and there was also this sunlight, I just came back to myself. And we have, and we and I fell back into connection. That's actually what it means, you know. And then we actually had a completely different conversation. It was a connected conversation. And I noticed that I don't need to bring authority experience. All these things that I thought I needed. All I need is to bring Authenticity and connection. Because ultimately, that's what creates trust. Me, you know, what we have, we have the most beautiful conversation, we had a few more beautiful conversations. It didn't lead to any business. But I got to see something really powerful. But what I thought was missing wasn't missing. What was actually missing was just the real me. That's what was missing.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:47:10

Yeah. Bring your whole self to the party, you know, your whole self to every interaction. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's so each square moment.

Philippe Bartu: 00:47:21

You know, my background is hotels, so I 10 years working in hotels and not and hospitality and having a restaurant and I just became really, really good at being a people pleaser.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:47:41

And there's a difference between serving people and pleasing people.

Philippe Bartu: 00:47:49

Yes, of course. So I became very good at calling what I did service, when in actual fact, what I was doing was pleasing, had nothing to do with service from from a coaching perspective, or from a human perspective, or from a human perspective. Yeah, yeah. From actually from a human perspective. Yeah, that's so true.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:48:09

I mean, like, if we connected back to your, your word choice surrounding, during COVID, when you had the cooking show with your wife, right? That was actually true service. But I feel like you were diminishing it. You're my wife, your wife, you know, yeah, you're right. I was. And, and you know, the same thing. Now, the way you've restructured your life, right? To be in service, to the foundation of your family, right? Now you can truly show up in service to your clients to because you are being a stan for your life and your values. So you can be a stand everywhere else. So I feel like during this conversation we've come to through your way of being and connecting you flip the script on what it is to be of service, and to be a stand for your life, your clients and your business. Would you agree?

Philippe Bartu: 00:49:23

Yeah. That's beautifully summarized being a stand for what's important to me. Yeah.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:49:32

Yeah. Is there something else you'd like to put into the space?

Philippe Bartu: 00:49:38

No, I just want to appreciate you for the way that you have showed up in this conversation the the way that you just made this conversation flow so beautifully. I'm so grateful that you have taken on the role of the leadership of the ultimate coach podcast and I'm just delighted to be on this journey with you. And thank you for the opportunity to have this conversation again. And thank you for for everything that you've done for for the group and for for the podcast. And I'm still in awe that you're a single mom of six, which is totally, absolutely astonishing me remarkable to me. And you know that that just that alone could be a whole podcast episode that I would love to listen to.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:50:36

Anyway, I'm going to say thank you, and you're welcome. And if you'd like to interview me, we can have that one.

Philippe Bartu: 00:50:44

I would love that. Yeah, yeah. Well, thank you for thank you for your time and for for all those that have listened in as well. If so, you know, we'll I always love to hear back from what people have heard. So yeah, if there's something that you had, or something that's made a difference for you. Yeah, please do share with with Cordelia with with myself. We'd love to hear from you.

Cordelia Gaffar: 00:51:08

Thank you for listening to The Ultimate Coach Podcast.