Creating Epic Relationships - Heather Quick

Meredith Bell: 00:00:04

Thank you for tuning in to The Ultimate Coach podcast, a companion to the transformative book The Ultimate coach written by Amy Hardison and Alan D Thompson, each conversation is designed to be a powerful wake up call, reminding us of what's possible for you and your life. So if you're on a journey to expand your state of being, this podcast is for you.

Meredith Bell: 00:00:37

Thank you for joining us for another episode of The Ultimate Coach Podcast. I'm one of your hosts, and the host for this episode, Meredith Bell and my guest today is someone you may already be familiar with, because she's very active in the being movement community. In particular, she does the live Instagram interviews with past guests from this show, and her name is Heather Quick Heather. Welcome to the show.

Heather Quick: 00:01:08

Hi, Meredith. I'm really glad to be here with you.

Meredith Bell: 00:01:12

I am so excited to have you with us today. You have such, you know, an amazing journey, and also some wonderful experiences that I'm eager to share with our listeners. And I think a good place to start would be just to have you share how you got involved with the ultimate coach book Steve Hardison and the committee at large.

Heather Quick: 00:01:38

Sure. So I was introduced via John Patrick Morgan. I was doing a program of his called Creator circle back in 2021 and Steve had, I had friended him on Facebook, and he was sharing the manuscript of the ultimate coach book, and he said something like, the first however, many people write me, you know, I'll send you a copy and read it within 30 days. And so I did. I emailed him, and he sent me a copy. And I remember, I think, I was sick in bed for a weekend, kind of thing. And I remember being in my bed, and I just read the whole thing, just all the way through. Wow, without, I think, without hardly stopping, it was such a beautiful story of just the what's possible for who we can be for each other as humans. I love really savoring and embracing the full spectrum of the human experience. And that story of Steve really does that. So I, you know, read the book, and then I went ahead and bought a ticket to the first event, the ultimate experience, event in near Phoenix, you know, in Arizona. And I got to visit, you know, a friend that lived near there, and I got to meet all these people that had been active in the Facebook page. It was just such an amazing experience to meet everybody and hear all the speakers. But my most profound moment was when I was listening to Steve speak, and anyone who was there remembers he, like, you know, took off his shoes and showed us his painted toenails. And, you know, he was really being Steve, beautifully engaging. But the moment that really I, you know, grabbed onto and used to absolutely change my life was when he shouted at the top of his lungs, stop judging people. And the response inside me was okay. And that little okay, that little Yes, has taken me on a really incredible journey. It's wild because I already knew about non judgment. I'd been deep in this, you know, mindfulness work, personal development work, but there's something about being with someone with that much conviction, right, looking out at you and saying, cut it out. And in that moment, I made this really simple, subtle decision to Okay, I'll stop. I'm not saying that. I don't ever. But in that moment, I made this switch into, I think, more keen ability to notice when I am right. And on the plane ride home from that adventure, I sat, I remember sitting and journaling, and then at some point I had to stop journaling because my mind was just shuffling through the deck of my past, and it was bringing up all these moments where I had judged the people and myself in the different situations, right? And I decided to just see them all as powerful, right? Just every single person as powerful. And you know, since then, I have done things like transform my marriage, and now I help a lot of other people do the same thing, and I just find the most core access to love and to Bliss and to growth and all the other things that we're wanting is. Found inside of being in relationship with other people. That's what I find. So that was, yeah, how I met Steve. I didn't actually meet him that day. I met him recently in person. I drove a friend to my friend, Olga, to be with session at his house, and got to meet him in person. But yeah, that that's how I got into the being movement,

Meredith Bell: 00:05:22

A great story. And I love the key takeaway that you had from that event. And I remember you sharing with me in an earlier conversation the mindset you developed for yourself, imagining that you are paying, all right, the fee for coaching, and I would love for you to talk about that, because I think that is relevant for all of us when we are going into a situation where we have the potential to learn how we can elevate our attitude, our openness, in what we take in. Yeah,

Heather Quick: 00:05:59

No. Thank you for asking about that story, because I'll tell this is how I believe I created the listening that created that really beautiful shift. So I'm walking into the ultimate experience, and I suddenly become aware that I'm gonna be walking into a room with people who have invested hundreds of 1000s of dollars in spending time with Steve, and they're really investing in themselves, Right? Steve is just the pathway that they're taking. And as someone you know, super duper into personal development and growth, I, at that point, couldn't have even imagined doing that, and so I just had a moment of feeling less than right or different. And I thought, Man, I really was admiring these people. And I thought to myself, what would that be like to be one of the people walking in right, that have spent, you know, $200,000 right, handed over $200,000 to someone. And I said, You know what, I don't have $200,000 today, but I'm gonna imagine what it would take to gather it up. Ooh, I could refinance my house. And I just went through, you know, the things, and I added it up. And I imagined doing that and handing it over to Steve as I walked in the room, or just to over to this experience, right? Doesn't even matter that if it was Steve or not, but I just paid $200,000 for this afternoon that I was about to have listening to these speakers and being with these people, and I call it putting on my $200,000 ears, because what happened was that I developed a different capacity to listen in that experience. So click, click, I say, I tell I taught homeschoolers for a long time, and whenever it was time to listen, I would say, put your listening ears on, click, click, and we put them on. Well, I put my $200,000 listening ears on as I walked into that room. And it was absolutely a profound experience being in the listening of that experiencing what was said and what I was able to use from what was said. It was a whole different level. And, you know, I also have a different story about when I realized, you know, the person that I looked up to as a kid and a teenager was Oprah. It was like, Oprah was the coolest, right, Oprah was the most famous, right? I had this moment where I realized that, oh, my god, everybody's Oprah like everybody's that precious and amazing and valuable, and a conversation with anybody right could be that life changing anyway. That's the feeling that I had while I was in that room with those people, and I've taken it with me, but putting on those ears in my marriage, in my relationship with my kids, in my relationship with my neighbors, any, anyone that I meet, gives me a different experience of life and gives me access to wisdom and connection and fulfillment and meaning that I wouldn't have had otherwise.

Meredith Bell: 00:09:04

Let's go a little bit deeper with that, because I think that's so profound for every one of us. What those when you talk about putting on those listening ears? What does that mean in terms of how you show up and how you actually listen? Where do you come from with

Unknown: 00:09:25

I think it's funny putting the number on it, that's a big number to me, $200,000 putting that number on it has me invested in creating a return. That's what I think it really is. When we get down to it, I can get all flowery and fancy, probably with explaining it, but I think at its core, it's like, I've invested $200,000 in this moment. What am I going to create with that? If I was investing it in stocks or in real estate or in right, anything else we invest money, right? I'd be like, what am What am I doing? About this, what am I going to receive? Well, what that does in my listening is opens me up to, where is the gold here, right? And I'm very aware that I am the, not just the gatherer of the gold. I say when I walk in to any place I come to learn, I walk in with a will wheelbarrow ready to collect all the gold. Right? Fill up my wheelbarrow. But I'm not just the collector of it. I'm the creator of it. In that whatever is said there, I could listen to what is said by the person in front of me and say, Huh, yeah, I already know. Or, Oh, that's interesting. But whatever, or most pieces of wisdom, or most interactions we have, we just kind of let what is said, what is available, fall to the floor. But when I have my $200,000 listening ears on, I'm able to pick up on whatever's going on and use it to create something wonderful, right? So I could look at your red on your shirt, right that I can see right now. Oh, look. I just noticed it matched your lipsticks, right? It matches your earrings. Look, you're so beautifully expressed right now. You're like a flower, right? I hadn't had that thought right before we started talking about the $200,000 ears. So it's not just about gathering it up. It's about being the person that constantly creates the beauty in the world so that I can experience it. And then when I'm experiencing it, it is coming out of me, right out of my being, and other people can feel it too. Yeah,

Meredith Bell: 00:11:34

I love that. That's so cool. Thank you for for going deeper with that, because I think I love that you also mentioned doing this, you know, with your spouse, with your kids, because I think our the people that we're most familiar with in our lives can sometimes be the most challenging, because they're so familiar, and we've heard what they've said before, and so Listening, you know, we talk about having fresh eyes for seeing things, but to have fresh ears for hearing differently. I think that alone is a nugget that every person listening to this can ponder and think about, how can I bring my $200,000 listening ears to the next conversation that I had.

Heather Quick: 00:12:26

Yes, it's just a filter to live through. It's just a lens to look through. This past year, the beginning of the year, I was running a program where I was helping people create epic relationships. And I love to do my programs along with the people that I'm doing them with. And so I said, Well, you know, my relationship is already I've spent years creating a relationship that I didn't know was possible before, like, I'm beyond the edge of how good. I realized. I knew that a relationship could be, right? I'm already way beyond that. But I said, But you know, I'm going to uplevel it again. I don't know what that looks like, but I decided to, because I'm doing this program with my other people who are also up leveling their relationships. And I decided to start using the language the best. I realized I hadn't said yet I have the best husband. And so I started, I think, a couple days before the New Year with I have the best husband and and from that, it out came the idea that I'm gonna love my husband more than any other wife has loved a husband before, just like over the top, like, what would that be like? What lens, right? Would that? What does? What would my husband look like through that lens? And so what came out was a whole new set of questions that I had for my husband, curiosities about who he was. All of a sudden, I had an elevated level of curiosity. He was like a new person, right? And I asked him this really cool question. I said, What does loving someone the most look like for you? Like when you're loving someone the most, what are you doing? And his answer changed my understanding of relationships. His answer was like going over the top for them, like doing extreme stuff for them. So for my husband, loving somebody the most looks like doing extreme stuff, like going the extra mile and all of a sudden, an argument, a fight, a disagreement, annoyance that I had had with him for 20 years now, clicked into place this man. When I sent him to the grocery store for you know, a bottle of laundry detergent, he comes back with two. Like, every single thing he does feels a little bit extra, like, over the top right, and all of a sudden, it drove me bonkers. Like, why do we need two beach umbrellas? Why do we need two right? Just, there's just. So much stuff. I the spending the money annoyed me. All these things annoyed me about it, and all of a sudden, it all clicked into place. Oh my gosh, this man has been like, I am the most loved wife that has ever existed. He has been loving me over the top and this whole time, and I hadn't realized it. And I say when I'm at really the end of an agreement that I have with clients that are working on the relationship. What I notice over and over again is that they realize that they've been living the they've already been living the fairy tale that they had been trying to create. Right? So many of us are in relationships where the people that we're with are already loving us all the way big, right? But the lens that we're looking at them through is not able to see that, right? It's not able to pick up those colors. And so that, to me, is what the $200,000 ears are, what you know, the language that we use to speak about our relationships, ourselves, our spouses, the world is so important because it creates the experience that we have of them, this had the most fun thought, yeah, tell me

Meredith Bell: 00:16:09

It's so cool. We can have $200,000 eyes. Yes, we can have $200,000 mouth. And we think about the power of our words to create, how do I want to use my mouth just like you were talking about with your ears? Isn't it fun to think about all of these different senses, all of these capabilities that we have, that we can up level and use in a different way to create

Heather Quick: 00:16:45

We are infinitely powerful. And what I love about tension and conflict in a relationship. Challenge in any area of life is that we get to discover how powerful that we are if we have enough love and gumption to drop the idea that something's wrong when there's conflict or tension, and get that we're being called into our greatness right now, like this, is it? This is the stuff of life, right? Then we get more access to our power to create what's next, what the universe is creating next through us, right? So, you know, when I'm working with people or talking to anybody, man, I just cannot, I just won't ever deny their power to create what they would love to experience in their relationship, in their bodies, in their minds, in anything I've just seen too much, right? We have so much more power than we realize. I have so much more power than I realize in this moment. And to me, that's the adventure of life. Is getting to experience that to forget, you know, I forget how powerful I am, and then I remember. And then, you know, things come up in life, and I get to grow and and discover more. And yeah

Meredith Bell: 00:18:04

So they're just listening to you describe that to me, that's such a writer downer, this idea that we are infinitely powerful, and that means in any situation that we might typically perceive as negative or something to avoid, or, you know, wish we could do something differently, instead of, as you just said, so beautifully, embracing it as an opportunity for us to grow into our greatness. And so instead of having negative thoughts and feelings, resenting, why me, you know, sort of a victim mentality. Why is this happening me? Why is he bringing this up? Or why? You know, instead of all that saying, Oh goody, I get a chance to explore some new possibilities here, it just feels differently. As I was listening to you, I could feel my body relaxing into that acceptance of whatever life presents. That's what I'm hearing from you. Whatever life brings, we can celebrate it because it's an opportunity for us.

Heather Quick: 00:19:15

Yes, I don't ever deny that situations and circumstances are presented to us that are uncomfortable or that we wish weren't there, right? Just because something comes up and I, you know, use it to grow, doesn't mean I even would have wished it to have happened. But it's here, right? And it's, it is an opportunity, and I get to see who I could be on the other side of it. And I'm grateful for every opportunity. I mean, I'm just grateful to be alive, and my life is going to have all the colors of the rainbow right the weather outside is. Going to span. I mean, I live in a place where the weather changes drastically from I'm on the east coast of the United States and Maryland, near Baltimore, and you know, there's snow in winter and there's hot sun in the summer, and man, am I lucky to get to experience all of that, and none of it means that anything's wrong. Nothing's wrong with me when I'm cold outside in the winter, nothing's wrong with the weather. Nothing's wrong. There's nothing wrong. There's just a variation of experiences in life, and I get to see what that's like, and I feel pretty lucky when I remember that I can gather the gold here too. And it's not just for me. Is not just about gathering the gold. It's about being a source of gold out in the world, right? What is the point of gathering the gold? It's not just to, like, hoard it in my body, or say, Oh, that was interesting and fun, right? Like I am spreading my being. I'm spreading, you know, in a conversation right now, I'm spreading stuff out into the world all the time, which is also an honor, right? And wow, what kind of world am I going to create today by my spreading of me, and every time I'm interacting, I'm creating what I'm spreading out in the world, if that makes sense. So it really does.

Meredith Bell: 00:21:16

Yeah. In fact, it circles back when you were describing the weather to what you were saying was your big takeaway, you know, from the event, which was, don't stop judging. And so whether it's judging people, judging the weather, judging whatever the circumstances are as bad, or labeling it and instead embracing whatever it is that's presented makes such a difference. You had an experience with JP Morgan's creator circle that helped you get clarity around the work that you were doing in relationship coaching. And I'd love for you to share a little bit about what was that like. What was that experience that led you to having this greater clarity about your work.

Heather Quick: 00:22:05

I had a lot of wonderful experiences. I still am. I'm still hanging out with JP and doing awesome stuff. The most profound, I would say, conversation of this whole journey was the conversation where I, you know, came to talk about my business. I was, I think I was speaking about time. And JP is asking me questions, digging a little deeper, and up comes, you know, some, some blame that I'm projecting onto my husband for my lack of time, and he zeros right in on it, of course, right? And so then we're getting to talk about Sam, and he's saying, Well, okay, and so what are you going to do? Like, what if you had to choose? You know, at the beginning of this conversation, I have to say I asked for productive tension. I said I really want to get to the bottom of something today, right? I'm in a tough spot. Just like, say it to me straight. That's a request that I had made. So this is a reflection of that, right? I don't think he's always so I know for a fact he's not always quite so bold, but it was very useful in this instance, he says, So what are you going to do? Like, are you going to stay or go in your relationship? Like, what? You have a story about how it's going, and you seem stuck in it, like, pick right now. What have you picked right now? Stay or go. And this is after years of being in this, oh my God. Is this gonna work? You know that feeling right, that just, oh my gosh, is this gonna work? Can I do it? Basically, I can look back at myself, and I was doubting if I could do it right, if I could make this relationship work. Which man, it's funny to hear me say that I don't use that language at all anymore when I talk about relationships. But he said, Pick and at first I'm thinking, well, go like, I can't do this. I can't turn this around. I don't want this forever. But I sat in myself and I and I remembered my power, and I thought, if I could do anything, what would I do? And I was like, Okay, I'm gonna stay. And I knew that what he meant when he asked that question was not like, stay and tolerate, but like, are you gonna make this amazing or not, right? That's what he was asking of me, and that, in that moment, him, him, I just remember the eye contact looking at me. He knew you got this. You got this right. And you know the power of having one person believe in you, a person that you look up to, especially right, a person that you trust, the person that you're here to learn from, right? Look at you like, of course, you can do it. Go figure it out. He didn't even have to give me a list of instructions, right? I'd been listening him talk about relationships, so I understand what he was saying. But man, having that moment of deciding it was kind of. Same moment as stop judging people. Okay, right? Go make it work. Go figure it out. Go make it epic. And I was like, Okay. And you know, it's a very long journey. You can call me anyone listening to this, or do you want to hear the big, full, long story, but I mean, I already mentioned earlier, I now have the best husband, and I love my husband more than any other wife has ever loved her husband, and it's the really the most. There is no other experience in my life more grateful for and proud of than than my marriage, and it's taught me so much about relationship, but also just what we can be for each other as humans, and it's way more than I ever understood before. So you know, JP taught me that my husband taught me that, and I taught me that, and my clients that I watch create amazing things in relationships that started out super messy and stressful. They teach me that every day,

Meredith Bell: 00:26:02

There's so many places I could go with what you just shared. Yeah, one of them is just in terms of your own that decision you made, it is it is interesting. What happens when we make a clear choice in the clarity that we now have because we're not hesitant anymore about, well, should stay or go? No, I've decided this is it. And so then you chart your course and and so I would, I would love for those who are listening that may have a relationship, whether it's their spouse, one of their kids, a friend, family member, what would be one step that they might take initially, if they have decided I want to make this relationship work, I want to make it better based on your own experience and, of course, with the clients that you're working With, what's one thing that you might suggest that they start with.

Heather Quick: 00:27:06

So this is probably a lot of things. It is a lot of things put together, but I'm gonna say it because it's the most important. It's it's the journey I would end the relationship you're in right now with my husband. It may have been a few days later, but a conversation we had ended our first relationship, right? I don't care about going back to how my relationship used to be that led here. I don't want that, right? I don't care about fixing something like it's broken. I care about creating something incredible in the world, in my life, and I want to do it with this person who is the father of my children, who I've been with for 20 years, who is the exact perfect match for you know, when we're having tension, it's our wisdoms clashing. My husband has some wisdom and I have some wisdom, and they can both be true at the same time. And so many of us leave in that tension, we don't know how to use that tension to create something new. You know, just like our bodies create put get put together, and a new being comes out, right? I think our minds are meant to be put together too. And you know, when I had a baby, it wasn't the left side, wasn't my husband and the right side wasn't me. To me, that's like, compromise. I'm into win, win, let my husband's wisdom and my wisdom integrate and create a new way of being in the world. And so for me, the path to that is letting letting my first marriage die, letting it die completely. I'm not playing that way anymore, not going to happen. And I take the same man, you can take the same person and create a vision about what you would love and Let your heart speak. See if I could have anything, if I could create anything in the world. You know, I love the world so much that I want to create creations in the world, relationships and projects and ways of being that honor the world, that serve the world, right? So I create a vision, what would I love? What would I love to have for me and to have more of in the world, and then I become a stand for that. And I say, You know what? We've had some hard times. This has been rough, right? And now I'm a stand for us creating something amazing, and I'm really not available for anything else, right? So, you know, when we're changing patterns, it can be messy. It's like we're changing a dance, if we've been waltzing for 20 years, Walt. Walt. Waltz like our shoes are worn down in a particular way, right? Because we've been doing the same dance with the same music in our head over and over and over and in relationship, if it's going to transform, if it's going to change, there's always someone that goes first, right? There's always someone that reaches for the hand if you're going to hold hands first. There's always someone who leans in for the kiss first. There's always someone that goes first, right? We're usually waiting for the. Other person to do it. But if, guess what, if you've got the idea, if you've got the not this, guess whose turn it is, right? It's your turn. So I went first. I help people go first in changing the dance of their relationships. And so first it takes changing the music that's playing in your head, right? So say you were doing a waltz for 20 years, put some tango music on. That takes some learning, right? That takes some growth, that takes some practice to play the tango music every day. Start doing the tango steps, and yeah, it'll be a little bit messy. There would be some toes that are stepped on, but when I remember that, you know, there is nothing wrong with the tension. There's nothing wrong with the toe being stepped on. It's evidence of something, a new dance, emerging, right? Then I can stick with that program. And you know what? I guarantee if you're not having a good time, your partner is not either they are tired of the waltz too, right? They just didn't quite have the words or the gumption or the whatever, right to create the new dance. It really, you know, I think transformation really, it takes adversity and mentorship. We have to see a possibility outside of ourselves that we didn't, that we weren't aware of existed. Right? If we knew a better way, we'd already be doing it. Right? When I really took a look and I was like, Oh, I just don't know a better way, right? And owned that, that led to me deciding, oh, I'm going to learn one or invent one, right? Here I go. So when I started tangoing, right? Yep, little messy. We go back to the waltz sometimes, right? Then I'd remember, Oh, that's right. I want to tango, right? I was the source of the tangoing, and I'm telling you, that is an honor, right? There is so much talk about. I shouldn't have to be the one. I shouldn't have to teach my partner. I shouldn't have to say this again. I shouldn't have to. I shouldn't have to, oh, when I put that down and when I said, I get to, I get to be the one that climbs the mountain. I get to be the one that invents the new dance. I get to be the bringer of this aliveness and this new passion and this new possibility, not just into my life, but into the world. Man, I felt like Joan of Arc, right? That is absolutely a get to and man, getting to live in a tango. You know, you might not even want to do the tango forever next year, you might want to do the foxtrot or something, but it is a feeling of full aliveness to get to learn a new dance and to get to lead somebody else to learning it, too.

Meredith Bell: 00:32:41

So good. I like that analogy of it of a dance. It makes it just so clear, because you can picture the movements you know that you've been taking before, versus the new ones. And anytime we're trying something new, it's awkward, that's right. I'm going to do it, you know, perfectly well up front. But you know, establishing that agreement with each other seems that that's a really important step in the process, because you're both committed to learning that new step. And I think that's that's a key, and this kind of leads into Heather, a question I have about the coaching you do with couples for relationships, because I'm guessing, typically one person is coming to you first. Yes, and I'd like for you to talk a little bit about what are some of the common issues, or is there a common issue that people are bringing to you, that's, I think they call it in counseling, the presenting problem versus what the real, you know underlying issues might be, and how you help them move into, I get to go first, instead of, I shouldn't have to, because I would think you encounter that a fair amount. So that's

Heather Quick: 00:34:03

Everybody comes in. I shouldn't have to, but it it beautifully relates to what you were saying before. It is so beautiful when two people can come into agreement about creating a change they would love to see. And I haven't encountered that to be a reality. Very often, what I have encountered is somebody comes and says, Man, I want it to be like this, and my partner's not on board, right? And I say, that is so okay. Guess what? You get to learn about yourself as a leader right now, because, you know, Sony, lots of people like to talk about sex, and it's a great example of a great metaphor for all of relationship, because sex isn't actually created. People want to have more sex. It is not created by saying, by talking about sex more, right? When you're first in a relationship, right? Intimacy is created by the look in your eye. The touches you walk by. It's a seduction, right? It's an excitement. It's a spark sitting and talking about it over and over, and this is what you're doing wrong, and this is what I don't like, and this is right. Like, no one's like, Hey, let's go out to lunch and tell me more about that. Right? Nobody says that. And so what I find is most useful and beautiful and like, organic and natural for us, is to create a vision about what we would love and then just start doing it. I have clients that have transformed their relationships and their partners didn't even know they'd ever spoken to a coach. They had no idea. No, I don't like recommend that, like, Hi that you're doing coaching, but they just, you know, had conversations with me once a week, didn't even tell their spouse, and they went home, and they were different. They owned that they want to have a different relationship, and so they're going to show up differently in relationship. And, you know, humans mirror each other. We can't, not, right? If I'm doing the you know you're doing the waltz. We were doing the waltz before, and now I'm doing the tango. You kind of can't keep waltzing, can you? You really right when you're when you're holding on to someone who's doing the tango? I'm not, I did take ballroom dancing lessons. I'm not actually that fluent, and what different chances are, but Right? The dance just changes. And so what I love, what I think is so empowering and fun, is when someone gets what they would love to create, and creates it inside themselves, becomes the source of it, right? My one client loves she's had this huge breakthrough, and she's like, Heather, I'm the sun like she's a mat. She's the generator of the light that she's been wanting in her relationship. She gets it like all the way in her and now she can't shine anything but what she would love to create. And so she's been showing up every single day in this new way. And yes, sometimes it's messy, but she's seeing changes in her partner, right? She's there speaking differently. They're relating differently every they even work together, and they are working differently, and they have just a whole new relationship. And he has never she has not communicated with him that she has been getting help from a coach to do this, right? So to me, you know, the decision that I made to take ownership and say I'm going to have the best relationship, right, was me becoming the source of the relationship that doesn't exist yet, right? I'm making it up of what I would love, and then my husband gets access to it. And you know, when we do something, when we start having a being that is more beautiful and useful, and just like I said before, my being is spreading all the time, your being is spreading all the time. And to me right now, it's gorgeous. I love sitting with you, right? So it's spreading all the time when the people around us have access to that, and it works better, and it feels better than the one they've been using, they it's, it's not even how it doesn't even have to be conscious. They start adopting it too, right? When I start using different words, you know, with my husband, I started saying, you're the best husband, you're the best dad. At the beginning of this year, I noticed. It was about two months later, he started saying I was the best wife, right? I didn't ask him to do that. It wasn't a sit down, okay, we're going to use this different language now, right? It was me being different that calls me the best wife, right? And we get to live through that lens, and we get to experience it together. And that is, you know, just one example of hundreds, 1000s, I don't know, right, infinite ways that we can show up in relationship and affect the people around us and experience a different side of them, yeah, different version of them, really.

Meredith Bell: 00:38:58

You know, that can happen, I think in a group setting too. I think of I'm involved with coordinating and conducting field trips for people who love to do bird watching. And I have noticed over the last couple of years, when I show up from a place of loving service, and I really intentionally created that that energy of the people that are participating is elevated, and it's just such a joy to see. And so I think, you know, noticing, becoming more aware of the impact that it has when we take time to think about what do I want to create here? Yeah, and we step into who that can be and and come from that place, others do feel that, and the impact that we have can have is significant. Yeah.

Heather Quick: 00:40:00

Yeah, I think dropping the number one, the idea that anything's wrong, which also, if you do that, I dare you to do it right. Dare You to practice that. That eliminates the possibility of being right, right, like something kind of has to be wrong for you to be right, you know. And once I drop the I the endeavor to be right, all of a sudden, all that matters is experiencing what I'd love to experience, you know. And that is, to me, the practice, the pathway to just having now a relationship that I'd love to have, right? That's more beautiful and useful than I knew was possible. But the you know, the cool story that I have about affecting groups. I love leading groups. I love being part of groups. I love offering my energy and and gathering up energy from other people. One of my favorite examples of how profoundly we can influence people. Is at my children's swim team meets in the summertime. And during certain parts of the meets, they play music, and it's always like upbeat music, and I love so at the meet, right? The kids are on one end, and they're swimming across at the at the tone, they jump in and people cheer. So there's parents standing around the side of the pool all the way around the whole time, and usually people are standing there still. Well, well, when there's a song that I like, I will get up and I will go to the edge of the pool, if I'm usually sitting in the chair under, you know, under our little tent, and I go to the edge of the pool and I start dancing. And I didn't start doing this intentionally, but now I love to watch everybody around the pool. Heather starts dancing. Somebody catches me dancing out of the corner of their eye and starts bopping, too. And then somebody else catches on and starts bopping. And now you've got 20 people around the edge of the pool dancing to the music that had been on the whole time. Right? The music had been on, you know, but one person got up. I love to be the person that gets up and starts dancing. And now there's, it's, I didn't say, Hey guys, we're dancing now, right? You just do it, man, you just dance. Guess what? Other people will too, you know? And being a, we're, we're all in the world all the time with these opportunities every moment right to be the dancer or the smiler or the encourager, right? And it doesn't just create someone's experience of us, it creates their experience of life and what they're inspired to do and who they're inspired to be, and the experience they're right able to have. So yes, being the to me, I call it being the source right, of what I would love to see in the world. So I love that you're the source of, right, the love that you would love to see in the world. It's such. What an honor, right? What a special, what a special experience seeing it in other people?

Meredith Bell: 00:43:00

Yeah, oh, I everything you've just said has been so profound and impactful. I really encourage everybody to listen to this episode more than once, because I think you know, we're in a different place, and you've given so many different examples. I love that you just shared the one about the swim meet, because there are these everyday situations where we can step up, step in, and be a source, and I love that phrase too. You know, be a source of light, be a source of love, joy, whatever, to elevate the experience of everyone around you by who you are being and so following you think of as getting in the spirit of it, you know, just paying attention to what would feel good to do right now, you know. And would bring me joy, and could bring joy to others so that we're looking, you know, obviously not doing negative things, but things that I think fulfill that vision that you stated so beautifully. What you know, when we focus on the vision of, what do I really want? What would I love to create in this moment with this person or in this situation, it's always a choice that we have.

Heather Quick: 00:44:27

Aren't we lucky? We're so lucky, yes, that you can always ask that question.

Meredith Bell: 00:44:33

You know, Heather, the time has flown by. I would love to ask you, is there any thing else related to your work in the relationship coaching world, or anything else that we haven't touched on that was sort of in your heart that you wanted to bring to the conversation today,

Heather Quick: 00:44:53

I would love to just offer the possibility that we that all of our relationships can build us up. Right? We can be people that walk around the world. It does not, you know, always require changing who is in your life, sure, maybe sometimes. But what if we are all powerful enough to walk around the world and live in relationships, the relationships we already have, and let them build us up, right? Be the people that create that new possibility and spread that way of being out into the world. I would love, you know, 100 people to listen to this, and then all over the world, there's 100 little seeds of people that know that they can be the source of of that, right? So, yeah, thank you so much for giving me the opportunity. To share the things that I'm passionate about.

Meredith Bell: 00:45:47

Just comes through so clearly. You know that this isn't just something you're talking about, it's something you're living and being every day, and it's it's a beautiful thing to experience you in this way, I'd love for you to share, how can people connect with you and learn more about the relationship coaching that you do?

Heather Quick: 00:46:07

Yeah, absolutely. So you could email me quick, Heather two, the number two@gmail.com or you can find me on Facebook. That's where I share most of the thoughts that I have about all the things, and that's where I'm in conversation with people that love also to create epic relationships. You're

Meredith Bell: 00:46:27

You're also on Instagram, right? Because you do these Instagram interviews with our guests. So those are, are really fun, because they're different from, you know, the conversations that we've had within the podcast itself. You explore other aspects of that individual, and so they're very rich.

Heather Quick: 00:46:47

So yeah, the ultimate coach book Instagram, right? You could go on there and you can watch the interviews I've had with people, and my personal Instagram is epic living now, so you can always reach out to me there. I'd love to talk about whatever you're excited to talk about.

Meredith Bell: 00:47:02

Heather, this has been so rich, and I want to acknowledge you for the journey you've been on and the, you know, openness that you've had in those special moments at the event, you know, with JP, when he was making this, you know, presenting you with this question, yeah, you were ready to consider it and and it just seems to me, and everything you've been talking about, there's a readiness, there's an openness that you bring to life, that allows you to truly dance with it every step of the way. And I love the fact that you also use the idea of stepping on toes, you know, whether it's your own or the other person, yeah, as we are, you know, learning, growing, expanding, it's just a part of the process. It's not there's no need to label it as right or wrong. It's just what's happening, and to enjoy that as well expands the experience. So thank you for everything you've brought today to our conversation and what you're bringing to the world with your work, with your clients and inside your own family.

Heather Quick: 00:48:14

Thank you so much. Oh my gosh, I'm tearing up having you acknowledge me that way. I so appreciate the time we spent together today and all the work you do here for this movement, man, the being movement changes lives absolutely so thank you so much. Yeah, as well. It's

Meredith Bell: 00:48:32

an honor to have this conversation today with you, and I'm looking forward to sharing it soon with all of our listeners.

Heather Quick: 00:48:39

Sounds good. Thanks so much Meredith

Meredith Bell: 00:48:44

Thank you for joining us today. If there's someone you know who could benefit from this conversation, please share this episode with them. Also check out our website, being movement.com, you'll find valuable resources and links to connect to an engaging and wonderfully supportive community. Together, we can inspire and support each other on the path to a greater understanding of being until next time, take care and be kind to yourself you.