From Pretentious Son of a Bitch to Master Acknowledger - Dave Orton

TUCP Intro/Outro: 00:00:08

Welcome to The Ultimate Coach Podcast conversations from being inspired by the book The Ultimate coach written by Amy Hardison, and Alan Thompson. Join us each week with the intention of expanding your state of being, and your experience will be remarkable. Remember, this is a podcast about be. It is a podcast about you. To explore more deeply, visit the ultimate Coach book.com. Now, enjoy today's conversation from be

Philippe Bartu: 00:00:48

Hello, and welcome. My name is Philippe Bartu, and you're listening to the ultimate coach podcast. I am excited and enthusiastic to introduce one of the most enthusiastic people that I have ever met. Today we are talking with Dave Orton. Now the day Dave walked into Steve Hardison office, he was greeted with the words of Dave, you're the most pretentious Son of a bitch I've seen in my entire life. I'm going to ask you about that for sure, Dave. But the way I've experienced you is as the most graceful, and what is the word you have this way of championing people of seeing the greatness, you are a master acknowledged. And that's really what caught my attention. In fact, I've never seen anyone do it the way you do, you have a gift in seeing what there is in people that they are not even really able to see in themselves. And the way that you do it and speak to it is so eloquent and beautiful. So I want to start with that. Dave, welcome to the show. And great to have you join us today.

Dave Orton: 00:02:16

Thank you so much for Yeah, I I'd like to just start off by acknowledging you, if I may, thank you for by the way for that powerful acknowledgement. Fill up who you are, for me, is a brilliant beacon of light, kindness, lovingness. Power. Coach, you're inspiring, you're inspired, I see you as the divine man. Like is in one in whom or through whom the light of the Divine shines. I am moved by the difference that you make with people in your willingness to to have be with time with anyone that's on in our group. And I'm, I'm presuming and I assert that this is how you are in the world you're ready to talk with and love on anyone that wants to reach out and be with you. And I that is so powerful and so rare in this world. Do you get that presents, I get to be a great one. With you.

Philippe Bartu: 00:03:26

That's that's so beautiful. And you know, we we've spoken a couple of times, but your your just your ability to see that is remarkable. And that that's just an you know, thank you I really appreciate and receive every word you say. And this is the amazing thing about Dave he this is what Dave can do with just about any person he meets. Even people I've seen you acknowledge people from from just maybe a comment they've written and you're able to deeply acknowledge it. Where did that come from? And were you always like that diver? Or is that something that you have learned and developed and mastered over time?

Dave Orton: 00:04:10

I definitely didn't come here with it. How did that occur? Well, the context for my life growing up was when I was very small, there was a song that that I well and I still love it. It's called I am a child of God. And the context that I am and we all are children of the Great Creator means that everyone that I see everyone I look at even the people that are mean to me are at some level my brothers, my sisters, you know and that deep spirit connection once once one can tune into that so for for like 20 years or so. It was theoretical like I knew with my mind I'd been taught this and occasionally I get glimpses of Oh yeah, I see that person as a as a soul sister, a soul brother. When I went to, I went on a LDS mission to Russia back in the mid 90s. It was kind of a wild time they call it the, the, the wild times. Yeah. In Russia when it was kind of mob ah, cracy. It was, it was it could be scaring me I got robbed the first day I was there, and had a stomach ache for the first three months. But after that, I learned how to love these people that I had had a terrible fear of. And the lovingness came from this context of these are my brothers. These are my sisters. And from that context, emerge this desire and ability to see them as that there is a I did a I did a thing called the landmark forum on that time when when Steve, when Steve greeted me with your the most potential SON OF A BITCH I've ever seen. Since his partings were words were as I was leaving his house, get your ass into the landmark forum as soon as you can. And, and so 10 minutes later, I was in I was, you know, registered into the landmark forum, I had to call Pinyon. And, you know, we have an agreement not to spend a certain amount of money beyond before we have a conversation with another. And, but yeah, and she said, Yes, so in 10 minutes, I was registered and landmark forum. And part of the acknowledgement is something that leaders in landmark are trained in. I was a leader in landmark, so there was some actual training. And yeah, there is something that goes beyond the training. Like, there's, there's something powerful and creative in acknowledging a person from the possibility of their greatness.

Philippe Bartu: 00:06:55

Oh, I can only Yeah, I can really, really see that, and especially the way that you do it. It's it's, it's profound. Yeah.

Dave Orton: 00:07:03

Thank you. Thank you, Philippe.

Philippe Bartu: 00:07:05

So, you know, Dave, I, when I was just reading this, this passage that we cut a joke about, when you were, you know, called a son of a bitch. What struck me is what happened afterwards, that you said, it was really not you didn't feel it was a judgment. But it was actually an act of love. Say more about that.

Dave Orton: 00:07:32

It was the strangest experience. Strange, meaning that I had never encountered it before this being told I love you with the words, you're the most pretentious SON OF A BITCH I've ever seen in my life. Caught me completely off guard. And, and Steve, it occurs to me like the goal that he had in that was to shake me up and stir me such that I was no longer stuck in the frame of mine that I came to his house with. And that definitely succeeded. But the lovingness that was behind it was that was the that was very remarkable, you know. And since then, I've found there are other people. You know, Steve, when Steve is chewing you out, he is loving on you, when he's telling you that you've got to get your shit together. What he is saying is I love you. I'm telling you this from love. And it can feel you know, the the way that one of the people in the book described it was he will cut you up with a samurai sword and then lovingly heal you back together and bring you to a place of peace. It's not a direct quote. But right. But that's the experience. Right?

Philippe Bartu: 00:08:45

Yeah, powerful. And so what happened in those three hours? What do you learn from them?

Dave Orton: 00:08:52

Well, so with Steve, it's very difficult to recall exactly what was said, you let you take notes if you want to. And I think I did that that first time I met with Steve was nine years ago. And then I've had an opportunity to, you know, I hired him for a 10 hour 10 our agreement in 2017, which I remember a lot more of that. But even that it's like kind of like I move into this space in his office is sacred space that he's created and maintains this sacredness of. And it's, it's kind of like the memory centers of the brain are, are slightly superseded by the experiential. Be with me now, a sort of thing. I can here's, here's what I remember from that first session, we went through a great deal of the judgments that I had about myself the world the way it should be. And, and it was interesting because Steve and I share the same belief system, right. And a lot of the judgments that I had about myself and the way the world worked and the way everything should be came from, um, came from an unconscious judgments that I've made about myself in the context of what I heard talked about or said when I was very small in the, you know, attending Sunday school,

Philippe Bartu: 00:10:12

just just to make it more specific, more real as well. Sure.

Dave Orton: 00:10:17

Absolutely. So I grew up in a small town in Idaho where it was, it was about 85 to 90%. LDS it was very, very concentrated was not

Philippe Bartu: 00:10:29

LDS what is that

Dave Orton: 00:10:31

church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints? Okay, so the commonly known as a Mormons, although we're, you know, we don't really go by that name. That is, that's what we're known for the Book of Mormon is one of the things that we believe in. But the so here's, here's an example. It's one of the one of the principles that we have in that belief system is a thing called the word of wisdom. And the, like, I don't drink alcohol, don't smoke. Don't don't drink even black tea, or coffee. And those are so much these these are for religious reasons. Yes, correct. It's really just agreements agreements that I have made with, with myself and okay, my wife. And so here's the logical leap that I went through as a child. Okay, that that I didn't, there was unconscious. Everyone that smokes is going to hell.

Philippe Bartu: 00:11:28

Right. Right. Yeah. And

Dave Orton: 00:11:34

can you see how Yeah, that is?

Philippe Bartu: 00:11:37

Oh, my gosh, so much, and it creates an air of superiority?

Dave Orton: 00:11:41

Exact Well, exactly. And even beyond that, like, the, oh, go ahead, Phillip.

Philippe Bartu: 00:11:47

No, I'm just, I just want to, yeah, just say how I didn't, I grew up in Singapore, on the other side of the world. And I have the same thing. And it wasn't that if you smoke, you go to hell. But as if you take any drugs, you will die. A painful long, slow death. And, and that's, that's a given. And so that I remember, in a Singapore is, is probably the most anti drug state in the world. And there were these big posters of basically dead bodies with a tag saying overdosed. And so you think so to me, when as a as a as a 13 year old in the same way as your head was creating the story of, if you smoke, you go to hell. I was like, Well, if you take any form of drugs, you will die. Within minutes, like that's, that was my story and Galadriel so so so yeah, I can I can totally relate to the conditioning that that that creates, even though it's not a negative like, it does, you know, it's supposed to keep us safe and keep us, you know, healthy and yet still, it's deep conditioning.

Dave Orton: 00:13:13

Yeah. And the funny thing is, Philippe, nobody ever told me that if you smoke, you'll go to hell. Right? I made I made that up completely on my own. Yeah.

Philippe Bartu: 00:13:23

Well, that's, that's so cool. You know, when I the first time I saw a sign that says, Don't drink and drive, I always thought it's because you're going to spill your drink. That's logical. That's what it meant to be don't drink and drive, you're gonna spill your drink. You know, you've got to be careful. You don't want to drink and so, so as kids, we just, it's so easy to make up stuff. You hear something? And then you're like, Yeah, I'm gonna go to hell. So that's stuck with you for for how long? Like what, what? This became a belief system as an adult.

Dave Orton: 00:13:59

It did and it so that one broke up when I went to Russia, and there is a I mean, in the 1990s there were a lot of people in Russia smoke like it was not at all no, you could smoke in restaurants with no problem and, and, and the Russians don't I mean, the the Russian cigarettes and alcohol and alcohol. Yeah, I mean, there was there was there was vodka on every corner. And I mean, I've never had a strong urge to try alcohol or smoke at all because an end and this is really funny. And I enjoy the smell of a good cigar. Like somebody smoking a cigar on me. Unless I'm trying to eat. It's like, Wow, that smells like yeah, you know, that smells like rich Corinthian leather or some other made up thing that doesn't really just but sounds really nice. Yeah. Oh my goodness. Yeah. So But, but to answer your question more deeply so that that's the sort of thing that came up and was recognized. And, you know, it was no longer hidden in the unconscious judgment. Part of my mind, yeah, Steve was able to bring those up and say, Look, Dave, you're killing people off for things that, you know, they have no agreement not to smoke, just because you have an agreement to do that doesn't mean that you get to, you get to cancel them as of having any value. And I saw that in Russia as well. But it was, it was still kind of on the, on the Download inside of my mind that there were a bunch of them. And the process was we identify them. And then he introduced this idea of radical self forgiveness, that is one of the tenants of the University of Santa Monica. And, and so we go through this cycle where, you know, he taught me how to forgive myself, completely, wholly, radically, not waiting for God or man or anybody else, which, I mean, it was like, it's different, you know, if, if I'm trying to get forgiveness for a sin that I've committed an agreement that I've broken, a religious agreement that I've broken, that's one thing that's not in this realm, forgiving myself for judgments is like, you know, forgiving a toddler who's learning how to walk for falling down. I mean, there's, there's nothing to forgive. And yet, we pretend like this judgment is real. And so it makes sense to be able to go through and forgive oneself, for to forgive myself for these judgments that I had. And they were really judgments that I made against myself, that then showed up with how I projected reality, as I looked around and saw whatever it was that I was seeing. So that I don't know anything to say on that.

Philippe Bartu: 00:16:52

Well, you know, when I hear the word forgiveness, and I can see how this has been really transformative and powerful for you. But I'm some there's something I'm uncomfortable with that. So I'm curious to get your take on this. Because when I hear the word forgiveness, I usually associate that to something that has been wrong. So there's like I forgive for some sort of wrongdoing. And when I hear the judgments that I have, what I, what occurs to me is, it's not so much forgiveness, but acceptance. And in a way, it's like, I noticed the negative judgments. Now I can either forgive myself or I can accept that that's just thought passing through me. And in that acceptance, there is an allowing, and it's clearly a superior way of doing it, then then forgetting I'm kidding about the superior, but I want to just I was I was trying to be a pretentious son of a bitch with you.

Dave Orton: 00:18:09

Mission accomplished.

Philippe Bartu: 00:18:13

I mean, I'm joking, but I am curious to hear like what I mean, of course, these are just words. Right. But what are you hearing in that?

Dave Orton: 00:18:22

Well, let me give you an example of exactly what you said at least how it landed over here with me. Yeah. So when I lost my job in 2016, I went through a year and a half of, of deep depression. And after I came through that, you know, it was it was the strangest thing, Philip, because I, I retained a connection to the divine while I was going what, through what occurred to me as the depths of hell. Okay. And, and the message from the Divine was keep going. It was like, it was like, Winston Churchill. Oh, yeah. He said, You're going through hell keep going. Yeah. And so I was trying to serve my way out of depression. I was trying to meditate my way out of depression. I was trying to exercise my way out of depression. I was trying to pray my way out of depression. I was trying to eat my way out of depression. I was trying to stimulate myself out of depression. And none of that just doesn't do it. And I don't have the answer. Everyone's journey through the dark night of the soul is their journey. Right. And I can tell you that when I it was during that time, I had the opportunity to go spend 10 hours with Steve. And I was, and this is the funniest thing. I was going to see Steve to get myself out of depression. And that wasn't, that wasn't what you know, Steve wasn't there to fix that for me. Yeah. You What we did was we created who I was as a possibility.

Philippe Bartu: 00:20:03

Beautiful. And

Dave Orton: 00:20:07

you know about took me about six months later, I got, you know, a job with the company I work with now and was in I came out of it. And

Philippe Bartu: 00:20:16

from the Yeah, keep going, I want to hear that part. But forget it from the

Dave Orton: 00:20:19

perspective of forgiveness. This is how do you forgive yourself for having been depressed. And I think that what you said, is the way or a very powerful way, at least, if it's not the only one, right? When I was able to recontextualize, the loss of my job and the cycle of depression that I went through, along with all the positive and negative things that that happened during that time, the good, the bad, the wrong, the beautiful, the ugly, however, they occurred to me recontextualize it as a gift as the as, as a divine pass my path to becoming who it is that I meant to be here, and to be able to have compassion for people who are dealing with depression, anxiety, mental illness, bipolar, whatever it is, yeah, on a level that I never, you know, it occurred to me they, they, they occurred to me as not meat like that, that stuff doesn't happen to me until it did. And then I'm like, wow, I had no idea that that's what you guys were dealing with. No wonder, compassion, compassion, deep. Well, compassion, from which I come when I'm dealing with anybody that is that is those dealing with that chronic pain. I mean, it's my soul needed to go through that, so that I could show up powerfully deeply. understandingly, you know, and it's, you know, who want one of the things that I say I am, is, I am a disciple of Jesus Christ, as expressed through Dave Orton. And for me, Jesus has somebody Jesus Christ is somebody who went through and felt everything, went through the depths of hell, as somebody who totally didn't deserve it, and experienced what he experienced, so that he could have compassion for us. So you could be an example of that. lovingness regardless of who, you know, where we are, who we are, what we've done. And, and that's how it kind of shows up for me is that became that that experience of depression and, and going through hell became sacred. Holy. Yeah, it came a light from which I can, you know, bless and serve others. And great. That's what I hear when you say that. Yeah.

Philippe Bartu: 00:22:44

And honestly, Dave, that's actually a perfect answer to the first question I asked you about your, about your capacity to acknowledge there is an app, you have access to a level of self compassion, that is so profound from your story. From your experience from your depression, there is that place in you that knows the dark, the light, that's felt it and been with it, move through it. And you recognize that in every other human being, it is your experience, your life experience, and how you've worked through it. That is the sacredness of your being.

Dave Orton: 00:23:27

Thank you. I, I accept that completely. I am that thank you, Philippe. And I, by the way, notice that same depth in you, although your path, I'm sure was different.

Philippe Bartu: 00:23:40

Was Oh, Rainbow and sunshine. Yeah, right. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I never I never really considered myself depressed. Because for me, depression meant just crying all the time and feeling very, very down. And actually, what I was, and this is something I discovered in coaching. Eight years ago, I was diagnosed as a Flatliner. Have you ever heard of that word of Flatliner?

Dave Orton: 00:24:11

I've heard of it. But I'm not sure what.

Philippe Bartu: 00:24:13

So they say that I was introduced to this idea that there are two kinds of people in the world, the ones that are able to feel everything. And the ones that are just kind of both have a very small range of emotions. And for me, that was my depression. I was my range of joy was limited and my range of uncomfortable feelings in grief and sadness was limiting. And I remember as even early on as a 15 year old attending my cousin's funeral, who surprisingly died of cancer at the age of mine, and trying so hard to cry. Because I was the only kid in that funeral that wasn't crying and failing I'm so light, something's wrong with me. And I don't know where that comes from. And over the years, I'm like a baby boy, you know, I just, I won't cry. It was actually, in my very first coaching conversation I remember he said, What do you want to guess I just want to cry. And but what I really wanted was just to feel. And I was so cut off from myself and from my emotions. And actually, for me, when I got to understand about depression is your inability to really feel, and how, that's how I lived. until I was about Gosh, 30 when I when I really, really started just to be able to access more of my emotion. So I'm curious. Was that was that like that for you? Or? Or what are you hearing from that story?

Dave Orton: 00:26:00

Yeah, well, so thank you so much for sharing that Philip, for what I hear in that is numbness, you know, and that is, that is that occurs to me, like, the default way that humans survive. Like, if you are if you are somebody who is being assaulted, you know, a child who's living in a, an environment where they are being assaulted every you know, every other day or something where it's just nonstop and common. The survival, the default survival mode is to, is to go numb, you know, or to freeze, or to, you know, there's, I guess there's the three the fight or flight, or, you know, or freeze, you know, and, and the freezing includes this thing where in order to it occurs to me, I'm not sure this is actually true, but it occurs to me like part of that freezing is numbing down the emotions such that you do not react. And if we don't address that, if a person just lives with that, then that becomes the default way of being and I don't know if that's really how it is. And I can tell you that in the coaching conversations that I've had, yeah, that is common is clay, you know, and it doesn't even have to be, you know, rape or sexual abuse or beatings, physical beatings or anything that can be somebody looked at me funny. And I made that mean that I was unworthy. And therefore I'm shutting down me it's we humans are these experienced generating machines meaning making machines. Thank you landmark for for that term. Warner Earhart, but the so it's, that's what I hear. And for me, it was not I, I suffered, like, I was still able to feel I wasn't able to feel joy or happiness. Okay, those were numbed. And the capacity to feel, you know, hurt and pain and worry, seemed like that was expanded. And when I was going through my stuff, and and Yeah, well, what you've described definitely fits as, as, as depression, there's, there's not, there's no wrong way to to go through depression, there's no wrong feelings. It's not like, for me to curse, like, it's your experience. And however you go through it, and whatever you experience

Philippe Bartu: 00:28:29

is valid. Yes. And I think the point I'm making here is that I think depression has become a socially accepted way of being in our society. And there's a lot of, I mean, I'm looking around and seeing a lot of people who are just have learned to live and function from that state of being and, and I know that because I was like that. And in that moment, I never even imagined or would label myself as depressed. yet. I was I was deeply I was, I was, you know, like, functionally depressed. And that was just very as I look back at it, now, I can see that but if if you had said that to me, I would have massively resisted that and been like, no, that's not true. So it's just just interesting how we can Yeah. Well, maybe what I want to say is like, how, how hopeful I am. As as a possibility of Yeah, living from a place of being more deeply connected to everything that wants to all the emotions that want to move through us. And and the pain and the beauty of that he knows. Yeah, and how there's Gosh, it's Today, the word that I've been using the most, over the last just few days as I feel tender, because it is a feeling of joy, I am actually expecting a baby and August, little baby boy. And it's just such a sense of joy. And there's also a sense of pain that I'm also experiencing, because of some tensions and drama in the family that I'm experiencing. And so just feeling all of that, and just Yeah, Dave, you know, without making without making it and bringing the meaning making machine into it, and just just allowing it to be and just a feel, and a sense of acceptance. So to me, the word that's, that's really allowing me to sort of ground myself in this current state as it is an acceptance and allowing of what is a beautiful

Dave Orton: 00:31:01

film. It's beautiful. And that's, you know, so much of my coaching. Once I once I went through and felt all these feelings all the way through, they dissipated. And that was, yeah, that was the, you know, if I'm, I was so resistant. When I lost my job, I felt like it was so unfair, you know, the context for this was, I had spent nearly 15 years with this company, I had made them $20 million $8 million of profit, including all of my expenses and all the expenses of everybody else. That's a very, that's a very good profit margin. Honestly, it's decent, it's, it's, it's solid, it's something I you know, in business, one would celebrate that, at least in the business we were in, and and the business I was doing, and it seemed that it was so unfair. They should that should not have happened, we should not have happened. I mean, that judgment of of what should or shouldn't be, especially when it's not matching reality. Yeah, I think that was the source of the of the experience for me.

Philippe Bartu: 00:32:00

Well, I think look at look at the story right there, Dave? I have made them how much money 20 million, so I had made them 20 million. I had made them that I just that story, like, Who are you identifying as yourself to be? How dare them fire you? Like, what disrespect? What a lack of seeing everything that you've done, right? Like, just how that the pain of that. You know, and in a way, it's like I don't know how to say this, but it's like, is the death of that person that had that role and that attachment to that I am a leader of a great company, and I am worthy to work here.

Dave Orton: 00:32:59

You've hit the nail on the head, Philip, that's exactly what it was. I had mixed up my identity, I had mixed up who I am with this number $20 million. This title, you know, Global Program Manager, Site Manager, that whatever the title was, with who I was, and and when that was when that went away. I discovered that I that was who I thought I was and and that grieving for that person that was no longer there. Oh, yeah. That was that was some deep grief. That was difficult to go.

Philippe Bartu: 00:33:47

Oh, yeah. Well, that's that is a spiritual awakening. You know what you experienced that you got to see what is untrue, about your identity that you have been holding on to and living by for your entire life. There's a lot to grieve there. And the courage and the humility it took for you to even see that

Dave Orton: 00:34:13

thank you. I got that.

Philippe Bartu: 00:34:16

And the freedom I the other side of it right.

Dave Orton: 00:34:19

Now that that is a beautiful thing right there. This was an example of where a conversation did not bring me to that state. Like I went through what I went through to discover what there was to discover and somebody and here's the funny thing people told me this like again and again, I had conversations were like David just sounds like you are no longer connected with you know, this is who you thought you were. You're not that you're something else. What would you like to create beautiful, powerful words, which I couldn't accept in that moment because I was still processing in my body and soul. This This departure of who I thought I was so great, but the, you know, going from that and creating myself with Steve as, as my document as who I am as my declaration as speaking myself into that instead of forming myself in the WHO as who I was, so that I would look good and powerful and, and worthy in the eyes of others. Yeah, I mean, who wouldn't want to have a friend who was $20 million? Hi, my name is Dave. Actually, I'm the you just call me $20 million dollars because that's that's how I relate to myself.

Philippe Bartu: 00:35:39

So tell me about the shift from the pretentious 20 million Dave who shows up with polished shoes to Dave recreated?

Dave Orton: 00:35:50

Yeah, so through the dark night of the soul through the valley of the shadow of death, you know, I went from pretentious son of a bitch to who, who am I, you know, I was returned to I am a child of God. That that who I was as, as, as a child, and I still choose that I that's that's part of who I am to creating myself as as my document now and the document I created with Steve has shifted like that's it's a moving target a live document that reflects where I am and who I am being now and and what I am up to in the world. Right. So can I can I share this with you?

Philippe Bartu: 00:36:32

Oh, please play Sara? Yes. Okay.

Dave Orton: 00:36:36

I am endowed with godly vision connected to the spirit of all creation. I am spirit being human. I am seeing as Christ sees and through me, his love and light emerge. I am a miracle and I give miraculous value. I am appreciating the miraculous in others. I am loving Penny now. And now and now. I am present serving and loving. I am generous, generative and expansive. I am dancing with reality and loving what is I am creating inspiring futures that forward the self with the capital S I am listening from an enrolling others in being their greatness. I am receiving massive flows of spiritual, mental, physical, emotional and monetary energy. And I am compassion and I have no complaints. am grateful for the future, present and past. I am healthy fit and flexible. I am inspired and act immediately on the nudge I am a disciple of Jesus Christ as expressed through Dave Orton. I am that no one is worthy of my judgment. And everyone is worthy of my love. And love is I am that.

Philippe Bartu: 00:38:16

Thank you so much. In your chapter, I read about you talking about your document as a living document as an aspiration as a place to come from. Can you say more about that? Yeah,

Dave Orton: 00:38:36

you know, I thank you for letting me share that. That is that is you can hear some of the lines that I've borrowed. What's the word I'm looking for? acquired. There we go from Steve. Steve Hardison. But there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. And frame everyone steal us borrow from whoever to create yourself because it is it is you creating you there are no copyright laws in this particular the but speaking more about who I am this document as aspirations and a place to come from. This is a little bit like a Buddhist Cohen. Right? Because it doesn't make sense to come from a place in the in the logical default mind. It doesn't make sense to come from a place that you're not already being like, if I am if I say that I am an Olympic athlete, without having been to the Olympics, at a certain level, the logical mind says liar and the beauty of the possibility of being you know, I am the possibility of being an Olympic athlete. The mind is not challenging that because it's a possibility. It's not the fulfillment of that possibility yet, and coming from that I'll allows an athlete to, to work towards something, while being it from being from that space already, you know, one of the ways that shows up in Western philosophy and and and, and Western writings is come from, you know, operate from the end. The way that it appears over with with in eastern philosophy is, is kind of like in the the data chain where they talk about non action. I think that in the Western mind, that doesn't make a lot of sense. But if you come from if you, if you look at it from being, like, who I am being is great, yes, I don't have to do anything to to be that I can just be that and then the doing comes from that being my actions are the fruit of who I am being, and that the fruits of the fruits showing up over and over again. And me recognizing when I'm not being that when the pretentious SON OF A BITCH shows up. Or, you know, the liar shows up or the road rage guy shows up, noticing that, and stepping, stepping into being and coming from being and coming from blessing and coming from acknowledging, and acknowledgement and loving. That's, that's it. That's how I become the fulfillment of this document.

Philippe Bartu: 00:41:33

And Dave, you know, with your permission, I would like to put your document in the show notes of of this podcast, would that be okay?

Dave Orton: 00:41:41

Absolutely. Yeah, the more Yeah, the more shared the the more powerful.

Philippe Bartu: 00:41:48

I think that's the dance for me is that the whole thing was was really beautiful and powerful. There was one line though that really stuck with me. There was a line about penny and now now now can you say that again?

Dave Orton: 00:42:01

Yeah, I am loving Penny now. And now. And now.

Philippe Bartu: 00:42:06

So simple, so profound. Can you give me an example of how you being I am loving Penny now And now and now has shifted your relationship?

Dave Orton: 00:42:20

Yeah, yeah. What shows up for me with with that is an example of so culturally, I came from a family where the house was was very clean, my mother made sure that we kept the house clean. And, and it was a group effort. One of my younger brothers, his favorite thing to do is to clean the house as a family. which occurs to me is sheer lunacy. But he's, he's quite wonderful, actually. But, but the point was that for him, that was a source of joy for me, that was a source of suffering. You know, and, and I, man, I hated doing the dishes I hated, you know, cleaning my room. And until it became the norm, you know, and then it was something that I was, you know, I was doing this, I pushed it on others. So, it when I was in, in, in when I was in Russia, I was paired up with different other missionaries. And I I won the award for the cleanest apartment in the mission like five or six times, and I was so proud of that. And some of these slobs that came to stay with me for a while I had to train them up on the right way the superior way.

Philippe Bartu: 00:43:46

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's the Dave Olson way and then there's the wrong way

Dave Orton: 00:43:53

so great that you say that my the president of our mission the leader over the guy that we all reported to if you will, he said that exact seems like now you can do it the way of the spirit or you can do it the way of Orton you know, he said this in front of like 60 missionaries I'm like, What the What the hell is going on? If you choose the way of Orton then you know that you are and it doesn't matter. It can be you know, he listed his name a couple other missionaries names. It doesn't matter if you're doing it that way. I can guarantee you that. That is the path of disappointment. And he didn't say it this way. This will help. This is our Steve What's it but only always?

Philippe Bartu: 00:44:35

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, my wife will tell you in the kitchen. There's the Philip Bharti way. And there's the wrong way. And I'm just like you and I have I had to learn to love, love, love and my document is I lovingly accept all parts of my wife, especially the parts I wish I could change. And the second part is really so so so important.

Dave Orton: 00:45:01

Yeah, that's beautiful. Beautiful. And so with my relationship with Penny you know, one of the things that I discovered with my first session with Steve, was that I lied to Penny all the time. I when I concealed things, I I concealed addictive patterns that I had I concealed feelings I concealed. I just, you know, I present I, I was presenting what I thought was needed, not what was real, and not who I was really being. And, you know, I guess the way of saying that was that with my wife, I was a pretentious son of a bitch. You're Yeah. And, yeah. And that still shows up, you know, and then the loving Penny now and now. And now is the opportunity that when I come into a room, where my expectations are that from, from childhood, that this room is going to be clean. And there's piles of stuff here. And there's other things over there and it just doesn't bother her at all. Like, you know, I have a I have a, this is not right. This is not what I signed up for what the heck is going on here. You should you know, and everything that follows that is bullshit. That's the moment when stepping into and being from I am loving Penny now And now and now. And now. And now surrogate is is a place to come from. And an example of how that shows up is is an agreement that's emerged she washes the clothes. I fold the clothes. She hates folding clothes, I don't mind it. I enjoy folding clothes. It's kind of a meditative thing for me. And, and the dishes, I go downstairs and it's like, oh my goodness, here I am all day up in my office working and coaching and changing the world. And my wife can't even be bothered to do the dishes. Okay. Hello, son of a bitch.

Philippe Bartu: 00:47:09

Oh, there you go.

Dave Orton: 00:47:11

Step from that into I'm loving Penny now. And now now. Yeah. And it takes me five minutes to do the dishes and to feel happy about having done the dishes. And she says, Thank you so much for doing the dishes. And sometimes she doesn't. And I'll say hey, did you notice anything suspicious so that she'll acknowledge that. And that can come from love and or that can come from the son of a bitch that that last part. Yeah,

Philippe Bartu: 00:47:36

thank you now, it's the simple, everyday life where this understanding and the way that you create yourself is life changing. And in my case, Christina does the dishes and I do the cooking. And I noticed this. I made her lunch today. And I called her up like, hey, lunch is ready. And she says coming. Now when I say lunch is ready. I am plating up the food and ready to serve like I'm in a restaurant. And my livelihood depends on it.

Dave Orton: 00:48:07

Yeah, got it. Got it. Lunch free was a Michelin star event. Got it. Okay, continue.

Philippe Bartu: 00:48:12

So lunch is ready. I've put my soul and heart into it. And she's not running down the stairs. She just says I'm coming. So as I was there waiting, it took her 10 minutes to actually come down. But she didn't say, hey, I need 10 minutes to do something. And I just noticed that in those 10 minutes, I started to entertain the thoughts of my wife doesn't respect me. And I was like, Where does that come? I was like, Oh my God, that's my mother. Whenever my mother was calling us, if we didn't run and we were there immediately. It's like you don't respect me. And it's just how I had taken on that belief. And so I kind of chuckled to myself. And I said you know what, I'm not going to say anything. And I'm just going to see how long it takes for her. So I was waiting. And in that moment all I could do was just kind of engaged with the food. So I actually spent 10 minutes seasoning the food and just having this kind of mystical experience with I was making this chili beans dish and I was just adding this and adding that tasting it and preparing it and improving it and you know I love to cook and I love food. Those were 10 Blissful minutes. And I realized that I have a choice to be vent pipe to feel resentful or to just be creative and and love my wife no matter what. And I was just being impatient. And I just got to see that and I am so yeah, just just so humbled by the simplicity of that Let's

Dave Orton: 00:50:01

it's a miracle, Phillip, I mean, for a certain value of miracle, you created a miracle in that moment, right? You stepped into being graceful, allowing, accepting peace, enjoyment and improvement of the food, which is a soul event for you. i It's beautiful. It's beautiful. Can I share something with you that just showed up? The were the the first time I ever experienced something like that? Please? Are we out of time?

Philippe Bartu: 00:50:41

No, no, please, please, please.

Dave Orton: 00:50:43

Okay. So, when I was 16 years old, I wanted to I wanted to take a girl on a date. Right. And I didn't even ask the girl yet. But I was I didn't have money. I didn't have funds, I didn't have a good source of income at that moment. And so I called up my grandmother, and, and asked if she had any jobs that I could go do for her and then some money. And she said, Absolutely, this garage hasn't been cleaned out in 30 years, you know, your grandfather has been dead for 20 years, would you please come and clean it out, and I'll pay you for that. It's like, Yeah, I'll do that. I can, I can totally do that. So the context I was coming from an created was I am doing this so that I can have a fantastic time on this date. So I can, you know, pay for the dance tickets and pay for then, you know, activities and whatever, as part of the state, and it's going to be great. So I jumped, you know, on a Saturday, like five o'clock in the morning, I jumped in my car, and I drove the three hours to my grandmother's house, that's Gosh, what was about 250 miles. So it's no, it's a fair distance even for an American. And, and I got there and I turned on this song that just moved me and I jumped into the work. And then this, this context of coming from the enjoyment of the date already, and the looking forward to enjoying this time with this, it's this girl that I had a crush on at that time. Me who I showed up there didn't care about the three, you know, the the quarter inch of mouse manure that coded several surfaces, it didn't care about the, you know, the clutter that had just been allowed to be there my entire life. I mean, my whole life growing up, I, you know, hadn't been clean in 30 years, I was 16, I came onto the, onto the scene, halfway through the last time this was cleaned. And that's not true. I mean, they straighten things, you know, it's just the that was how it occurred for my grandma. But it was a messy, like, there was there was a lot of work to do and a lot of things to go through and rusty implements and knives and, and, you know, different things that just showed up on 30 years of a on that small farm that they had. And my grandmother had expected me to not get through it. If I had worked 12 hours that day. And from who I was being and the place I was coming from, and the experience of joy as I'm cleaning up all this stuff, and not even noticing the smell or the or the dangers or Ooh, not slowing down for any of that. I got that done in six hours. Wow. And not just that then they weren't six hours of suffering. They were six hours of joy of of sacred cleaning up mouse, you know, mouse manure. That is a miracle. That's a miracle. Ah, that's Yeah. And, and on the other hand, there was a year later, my father asked me to go and help another one of my uncle's to bring in a harvest on a farm, that he was running at the time. And I had a chip on my shoulder about this uncle because he had stiffed me 20 bucks. And, you know, I he was he was no longer worthy of my love. He was worthy of my judgment. And I was like, No, I'm not gonna go You can't make me go well, he could make me go and he's like, look, David, this is work that needs to be done and happier said, You're gonna do it, like fine, but you can't make me enjoy it. So I was grumpy and Surly and, and and, you know, silent for the entire trip there two and a half hours there. And, and then I did the job drove the truck and pretended to, you know, to want to be there. And then at the end of the day, we drove back home. So you know, we went work 10 hours and then drove the the hours on. It was a long day. 15 hour day. And on the way home, my dad's like so tell me about your experience. Like He was miserable. This sucked. It was horrible. It's like, yeah, you decided that it was going to be that way. When I asked you to come? Didn't you're like, yeah. So yeah, this is I've gotten to experience the creative, positive and the creative negative, and when they're both miracles just a bit different through your lens, or through the different sides of the mirror, if you will. So good. Thank you for letting me share that.

Philippe Bartu: 00:55:27

Wow, thank you so much for Dave, we're getting to the end of our time together, it's been an absolute delight, to hear your stories and your shifts and being and thank you for for sharing all of that, is there anything that you would like to say before we complete?

Dave Orton: 00:55:44

Well, thank you so much for, for this opportunity, for the conversation for who you are being and who I get to show up in your listening as you know, there's the the beauty of the group for me and this book, and who I get to be and who I choose to be who I create myself as is being a great one. And the fastest path that I can tell, to being a great one is to declare it, and then to surround yourself with people who are also great ones. And that's who you are, and and the the people in the group show up for me as that's, I acknowledge you for being a great one. And thank you by so doing we, I get to be a great one, too. So thank you. That's what I wanted to share.

Philippe Bartu: 00:56:40

Friend, for those that are listening and want to know more about Dave? And how to get in touch with you and know more about potential for them to be great one, where can we direct them to?

Dave Orton: 00:56:49

Yeah, they so my, my I have a website, Facebook is probably the fastest way to get a hold of me. And my email is Daveorton@gmail.com. And I have a website that is 5daystoownyourlife.com. And it has some testimonials and some some other things there. That's one of the programs that I that I've run in the past, I'll run it again to but it's going to recreate it from the context, the power of being but that's kind of you know, that's how you can get to reach out to me. I'd like to get an invitation. If if you'd like to be acknowledged by me. Or if you'd like to be have an interaction. You know, if you're in the group, just say, Hey, Dave, you know, tag me say Dave Orton, would you please acknowledge me. And I will.

Philippe Bartu: 00:57:47

I've seen you do that so, so beautifully, and so masterfully. So there you go. The invitation is there. To connect with that with Dave, we're gonna put your website in the show notes as well. And, once again, thank you so much for everyone who's been joining us today. And if there's anything that you heard, or that you want to share, we Dave and I would love to hear from you. So with that, have a have a beautiful day. And Dave, thank you. Thank you. Thank

Dave Orton: 00:58:25

you. It's really my pleasure. Thank you all take care.