The Ultimate Life Test - Judy Thureson

TUCP Intro/Outro: 00:00:08

Welcome to The Ultimate Coach Podcast conversations from being inspired by the book, The Ultimate coach written by Amy Hardison, and Alan Thompson. Join us each week with the intention of expanding your state of being, and your experience will be remarkable. Remember, this is a podcast about be. It is a podcast about you. To explore more deeply, visit the ultimateCoachbook.com. Now, enjoy today's conversation from Being

Ross Weitzer: 00:00:48

We are back. Welcome. Welcome to the ultimate coach podcast. This is one of your fabulous three hosts Ross Schweitzer. And I have the miraculous Judy Thureson to have a chit chat with me today, Judy. Hello.

Judy Thureson: 00:01:06

Hi. I'm so excited to be here.

Ross Weitzer: 00:01:08

I know this has been a while in the making. I feel like we've been. Yeah, it's just been there's been like wonderful anticipation to meeting each other.

Judy Thureson: 00:01:16

Yes. But I feel like I already know you because I've been stalking you. And I'm watching your videos. And I just love I think I mentioned to you. I don't know if it was directly or indirectly but your podcast with John Patrick, that name John Patrick. Yes, John Patrick Morgan, I was driving, listening to the podcast watching the video of you guys. And I'm just bawling my car by myself. And it just resonated so much. I can't tell you exactly what it was that was said. But I think that's the whole spirit of this podcast. Right? It's the being it's how we're feeling from the experience. And it was a really huge moment for me because it was right before I hosted the ultimate experience event, the live event. And that podcast helped solidify for me that the place that I was coming from to host this event was from a place of being loving. And that that's if that's all I could do. I can't lose, right? If everything my intention, right, this event was from a place of love, than it was already a win, no matter what happened. So I want to thank you personally, because it was that podcast that really just wrecked me and helped to peel off the layers of why are you doing this? Why are you stressed out? What are you trying to prove? And it does when you peel back all the layers that root? The bottom foundation with love?

Ross Weitzer: 00:02:55

Isn't it isn't it's so beautiful? To think about one message, one conversation. Every listener is just relating it to it in their own world. And one conversation between two people can have this ripple impact in all these unique different ways. Judy is connecting to love hosting an event, XY and Z are trying to relate better as parents. And we're just talking about being a specific quality like love, for example. And whoever hears it hears it in relation to what is the momentary discomfort or challenge and then applying it into that area of their life.

Judy Thureson: 00:03:43

Oh, good. Yeah. And I had never met you or, or John Patrick. And so you don't even have to know the people to get something out of it. Right? It's so powerful.

Ross Weitzer: 00:03:55

That was my first ever interview or podcast or anything. And I was I was being nervous for sure.

Judy Thureson: 00:04:04

But you know, what I loved about it is you both were so in the moment that that authenticity is really what drew me in, right? How boring is to have this perfect podcasts announcer interviewer all the right questions, all the right answers. That's boring. There's a million of those. Right? But I think when you can be in the moment, realizing that you're maybe not super present and grounded, and then reel yourself back in like I saw both you and John Patrick do that. And it was so beautiful because for me authenticity. It's not something you read in a book. There's not like, Oh, here's five steps to authentic. It's really modeled behavior. And that's what I love about The Book of being the ultimate coach book that the Facebook group that we have is you have so many people modeling this authenticity that we're we're all able to be role models for each other. Once you agree.

Ross Weitzer: 00:05:04

Yeah. And there's so many different flavors, we have the concept of being that everyone's being NIS is a unique flavor. And society tries to make us one plain vanilla or chocolate.

Judy Thureson: 00:05:21

Yeah, yeah. I love your moniker right? The Maverick I like that you like to push, push the envelope in and stir the pot a little bit. And that's really great. I think we need that get out of the vanilla and chocolate, right?

Ross Weitzer: 00:05:40

It's interesting. So what Judy is referring to is, I heard the word Maverick. And I looked at the definition of it, and its unique, independent minded person who was unorthodox. And I was like, Oh, I love that. That's me. I'm the maverick. And it's interesting, because I use that term now. But that it wasn't as if I set out on this path, I'm going to be the maverick. It was, I do not want to be the way I've been brought up and led to believe I must be to make in this world, which was being for the sake of validation being for the sake of status. And then I did that, and it didn't work. So I go, I need to discover a different way of being and discover how do I be so that I can internally feel love, joy, happiness, freedom and expansion? And it just so turned out that the being of that was so radically different than the being that I grew up in? That it just seems like I'm unorthodox. It just seems like I'm unique. When really I just went the other path. And that's why it's the maverick path, because it's just, it's just seemingly different.

Judy Thureson: 00:07:02

Is that something that you noticed? Growing up? Were you kind of out of the box, maybe black sheet, rebel Maverick from the very beginning?

Ross Weitzer: 00:07:14

Yes. And it got numbed down by educational pressure. And I say that because I was a student who had a lot of energy. And that's bad, because the school system wants me sitting in a chair for eight hours. So I was on Add medication for seven years. And those seven years my Latin, my soul was just buried in the sand. And a lot of that independence was drowned out.

Judy Thureson: 00:07:46

Yeah, yeah. I'm so sorry. I'm in the

Ross Weitzer: 00:07:50

middle of a podcast. Sorry. No,

Judy Thureson: 00:07:54

we're real life here.

Ross Weitzer: 00:07:55

No problem at all.

Judy Thureson: 00:07:57

Yeah, actually, I totally get that. And I homeschooled my kids for that reason, because my kids shown this just gifted personality artists. Expressive, you know, very smart. And being in school, try to put them in a box, right. So this is a podcast, slamming education school, from my personal experience, really allowing them to explore, you know, their desires, their needs, their things that interested them. And it was a beautiful journey. So I totally validate what you're saying and get that. And sadly, that happens so much, right? How many people get numbed out how many people their creativity, just get snuffed out?

Ross Weitzer: 00:08:50

Almost everybody? Quickly? Judy, I want to go back to that moment where there was an interruption. Because I have this question. Why does? I don't would you call this like the entertainment industry like a podcast? Or the educational industry? Why does we both? Yeah. Why do these things get edited out? What does it convey? When we edit that moment out? Doesn't it convey the message of perfection? Because how beautiful is that moment? Oh, Judy is just like the rest of us. Who has children and a partner that life and why are we constantly trying to make up artists, our life and to be something that it's not?

Judy Thureson: 00:09:37

What a great question, and to be honest to be in the moment, right? Sentences back, we're talking about authenticity and not being perfect and yada, yada. And then here, this moment happens, and I'm completely off kilter. I'm annoyed. I'm like, hello, can't you see we're doing a podcast over here? And to your point, like, why why? Why can't that be? Okay? Why did it? Why did it make me? You know, why did it irritate me? And I think you're, you're, we're so conditioned, and so groomed to put everything perfect in a little box. And that's what we present to the world. So I appreciate you bringing it back to that, because this is what this podcast is all about. Right? How can we just be? Yeah, be real, authentic, just vulnerable be open claws when all. So you should be like that's what I wanted to say. Me, my husband said this, because it was me.

Ross Weitzer: 00:10:51

Look how interesting this is, though. Look at what we sacrifice at the expense of what we actually truly love. So and it's habitual, it's conditioned into us. Truthfully, who do you love more? You bought? This is an interesting question. But yeah, who do you Who do you have a more loving, intimate relationship with your husband? Or the ultimate coach podcast?

Judy Thureson: 00:11:17

Great question. Great question. I love that. Because, man, that just keeps it real, right? But how many times do we do sacrifice that even? You know, let's just keep it real. If my husband and I are having an issue and argument, you know, where there's conflict happening? And I'm heated, and I'm, you know, maybe raising my voice or being, you know, just not really kind. And then somebody rings the doorbell. And I opened the door. Hi, how are you? Welcome. Right, the tone changes, body language changes. So yeah, in that moment, I'm not being completely being authentic, right? Like I can say, all day long. Oh, yeah, I'm really authentic. I'm real like this. But those are the moments that show like, oh, you know how to turn it on and off. And we all do that. Right? Sometimes we're not even aware that we do that.

Ross Weitzer: 00:12:19

Yeah, I am a part of this. Taoism spirituality school. And the way in which the aspect of how the mind is taught is that we have three minds, there's, there's three versions of us, there's who we think we are, there's who we pretend to be. And there's the one we really are. So who we think we are, is that voice inside of our head, which is just a conditioning from our past our education, our culture, our life experiences, that leads to this. And then there's the one we pretend to be. And that's what we're talking about where we put on this show, and this different persona, depending on our context. So I might talk differently with my husband than I would on a podcast where it's like, I'm really like, in this mood, but then I jump on the podcast, and I'm in this mood. And then when I'm with my boss, I, you know, I button up my tie. And I put on this fake persona, when I'm with friends, when I'm with them. It's like, wow, how many different false versions of me, am I playing in one day? And then there's who we really are, is when we strip all of that back, who is the essence of Ross's being? Who is the essence of Judy's being? In what would the consistency look like? If that was webbed out through all relationships?

Judy Thureson: 00:13:42

Yeah, that's beautiful. I have my own personal gauge on that. And I say this, often is that when you're inside matches, you're outside, then you're being authentic. And I, I try to do that as much as I can. And like I said, a lot of it is not even conscious behavior. But the more we peel back those layers, and to my point earlier, the more that we watch each other in and see each other. You know, be that example of vulnerability and authenticity. It gives us permission to do that. Right. I mean, isn't that why we all love Steve Hardison because he is just goofy, and he will dance anywhere and he will say anything. And he's so in the moment. He'll call anyone I'll, you know, talk to anybody. And I think that attracts, you know, attracts me to somebody like him because it gives me permission to say, Oh, wow, I can do that too. I can be goofy and dance in the middle of the street and talk to strangers. And we actually did that when we were at Disneyland recently for a little family. Vacation. You know, we were really immersed in this book of being and my husband and I have read the book and you know, we talk about it and, and so well, while we were in line with like our long line, instead of being irritated, it's hot or hungry or cranky, we really use that time to connect with the people around us and get to know people in the line with us. And my kids who are teenagers are looking at us like we're crazy. Like, why are you talking to strangers? So they're not strangers, we're all one. They're like, Well, how do you know they're not, you know, serial killers or whatever. And so I think it's great

Ross Weitzer: 00:15:39

in Disney World. Hello, the

Judy Thureson: 00:15:42

happiest place on earth, right? But I love that we get to model that for our kids. Right? And I mean, but how many of us were taught don't talk to strangers. And so now we're modeling. Oh, yeah. talk to strangers, just connect loving each other and be one.

Ross Weitzer: 00:16:01

Well actually think about how interesting of a contradiction it is. It's okay to talk to strangers. Wait a second. Did I just use the word stranger? It's like, I actually still refer to them with the word stranger. Yeah, yeah. No, the stranger is one way I just said the stranger is different. But then he's also one what? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Wow. Thank you for how crazy is this? I never thought about this till this moment. That essentially society is using a word that if you don't know somebody, they're strange. Wow. I was the first time I've ever actually contemplated that.

Judy Thureson: 00:16:41

Yeah, I meet you. I never connected being strange to a stranger. But yeah, wow. That's, that's interesting.

Ross Weitzer: 00:16:50

My mind is blown right now. I'm not joking.

Judy Thureson: 00:16:56

So we're gonna go around talking to, I don't know, maybe we should call them something different. They're just people, right? We're all one and friends, friends. And you know, that's what's something I do love about my husband and my have been is never met a stranger. Meaning if you get an elevator with my husband, by floor sick, you will have his phone number, you guys are gonna have lunch plans. He's that person, you just connect and loves everybody. And so it wasn't hard for him. But for me, it's a little bit more of a learning experience, something I'm growing into. And I do love it. And I love having met Steve and I was one of the six pack. I don't know if you know that. But we drove with the from, from Arizona to California, and we spent probably a good 10 hours with him. And that was something that will leave a lasting impression on me. With his ability to really look at the world as his playground of friends in the playground and just loving people. We wouldn't be in the car on the freeway, you know, going super fast. And he's looking at people in other cars saying, Oh, look at that guy over there doesn't even look nice, I bet you they're gonna have a really good day today. And look at that guy. I mean, he's just creating these stories in his mind about people in the cars, you know, on the freeway. And I just thought, Wow, that's so, so fun to be able to look at life in that way, right? Instead of being annoyed at the traffic. You're creating these stories of like, wow, I bet you that guy's a really great husband to his wife. I look at those kids. And I bet you they're gonna have a really wonderful day today.

Ross Weitzer: 00:18:42

Yeah, the way I'm seeing it is, most of us are just in our own story, thinking about our own story in that moment. And he's able, and he's intentionally putting the story on others, which is wonderful. I never really I never really thought about it for that context. Yeah, something I just wanted to bring into this conversation, because I think it's really beautiful is I want the listeners to just take a moment to observe how Judy and I are barely talking about being and we're barely talking about the book of being. But what we are doing, and this is how the book has impacted me is the entire time our conversation has danced in and out of us reflecting and sharing how we're being in different contexts and exploring that. And subconsciously, that's what the book has done. It's led to me seeing and communicating and focusing on these on being in just a plethora of different contexts. And one thing that we're that we were you were talking about earlier that I think it'd be interesting for us to share on is you were talking about authenticity and where we are showing up authentically where we're not. I'm curious and I want to share as well. What is an area where you're currently working like you're currently discovering new authenticity you're currently seeing where there isn't the ultimate authentic duty?

Judy Thureson: 00:20:11

Yeah, I, I will tell you, it's definitely in my marriage. I shared with you before we started the podcast, we've been married 25 going on 26 years, for a long time, right? And I'm just speaking for myself, it's easy to take things for granted, or it's easy to get cynical and feel like, ah, that's how it's always been. It's not going to change. So you just live with it, you just get redesigned to different things that may be, you know, not super optimum in your marriage in my marriage. And what I realized is that there is this programming for me to see the worst. In very, how do I put this in, in very subtle ways, right, so back to Disneyland. Okay, so we were at Disneyland, we were in line, we're in line for an hour, we're hot, we're hungry. And I, my husband's trying to get my attention. And I can't hear him. I'm like, he's like four people behind me. And he's calling my name. And I can't hear him because I'm probably talking to, you know, people in front of me. And next thing, you know, he's tapping me on the back, like three little taps No, no words, just three taps. And for me that nonverbal communication of those three taps my story right away was like, You're so rude. You're so mean, you're so unloving. You're so harsh. What's wrong with you? If you guys can see Ross's face right now, JAWS like dropped to the floor. I'm giving you an insight to the mind of a woman. Okay. I'm a crazy woman. So I was able to stop myself and realize, Wow, where did that story come from? Three little tabs. And so I even said this out loud. This is something that we're working on. And something that I'm just being a little cheeky, a little sarcastic, but I said, Honey, I looked at him, I said, I'm going to create a new story, I'm going to create a new story that you're tapping me, because you want my attention, because you love me, you want to look in my eyes, and you want to connect with me. And we just kind of laughed about it. And the rest of the weekend, when I would get irritated about something or I had this story going on, I would say it out loud. I said, Honey, I'm gonna create a story that you said that in the nicest tone, and that you're so kind and so loving, you know, and he was kind of annoyed by it. But we laughed about it. And by the end of that weekend, we were able to go and have a date. And just him and I went to the beach, we were dreaming together, you know, creating together. And it was such a beautiful connection that I haven't felt in a long time. And I think it was because I didn't allow those old stories, the programming, you know, like I said, 2526 years is a long time. How long has that been in there of the irritation and aggression? And you know what I'm saying? Does that make sense?

Ross Weitzer: 00:23:27

Yeah, I'm amazed. I'm coming to understand the challenges of intimacy and connection in romantic relationships. And I can imagine the resistance to doing that, the the resistance to, I'm going to change my story. Because when the story is built up for such a long time, there's like righteousness grows. And there's this guilty pleasure in that moment of I'm right, and this is the story. And to change that over and over again, is being encouraged.

Judy Thureson: 00:24:11

Wow. And you know, what, who, who are we without our stories? And I think you're exactly right on the spot is that our stories become our identity. Right? So for me to let go of that story is me letting go of this identity that I have built up? Of? Usually, yes, I am right. So I had to be willing to let that go. And be willing to be vulnerable and put myself out there. And you know, when you're vulnerable when you put yourself out there you have the risk of being hurt. I had the risk of saying that, hey, I'm going to create a new story that you love me that and he could have just said fu I had that risk, right. But instead, me being open and letting my guard down allowed him to take one step closer to me. So by the end of the weekend, we kept doing this dance of, hey, we're going to create a nice story together. By the end of the weekend, we had one of the best connection dates we've had in a long time. So when you strip away those stories, you do get closer. And I'm not just saying in a romantic intimate relationship, but with our children with coworkers, kids, you know, any anyone,

Ross Weitzer: 00:25:37

yet changing the way we view someone may be one of life's most important and challenging realities, especially when you're 25 years have passed, or especially when you've had parents forever, right. And I think what prevents people from doing it is the belief that it's not possible. What what also was coming up from in what I find interesting is, what about a reality where instead of creating a different story, we don't create a story. And instead of creating, we're dropping? Oh, because part of me just just questions. Hey, it is definitely a better solution to go from a negative story, dropping it to then creating a better story. But in that process, am I am I actually becoming present? Or am I living these past moments through the projections of my thoughts and stories? So as a possibility, instead of creating a new story? What if it was about dropping the story coming into the present moment, and it's that very act that leads to the creation of a new story? Spontaneously, and intuitively?

Judy Thureson: 00:27:02

That's beautiful. So let me let me make that real. With a real example. That just happened. I don't know if you know, but I lost my son, Jacob in 2019. He was 18 years old, he died of an overdose. That's the same right here. And it's obviously still extremely painful, and changes you, you will never be the same. Right? I'm also a grief coach. And so one of the things that I teach is leaning into present moment, grief. Toxic positivity, will tell you, Oh, don't be sad. At least you had him for however many years, and he's in a better place. And all these things that are maybe intellectually, well, meaning that people say to you, but not helpful, right? Actually, I mean, unless, until you've been through it, you realize, when you're trying to be comforting to someone, some of the things that are said, is actually not very comforting. And so for me, like, what you're saying, instead of creating this new story is dropping into actually feeling the grief in that moment. So I was at the mall last night, by myself, because I had to get a birthday gift. Very last minute, you know, the mall is almost close to closing, I'm there by myself. And I'm walking around and I'm seeing young adult males, you know, between 1820 years old, which is the age what my son, you know, was and would have been, and I had this overwhelming feeling of just gut punch, sadness, grief. And instead of looking away and trying to distract myself and create a new story, or, you know, do something else, I sat with that feeling. And I just allowed myself to really feel like, wow, he would have been that old. I miss him. And that's okay. To allow your to lean into it. Right. So, I think we don't do that enough. Because we're, we don't want to go there. Because it's painful. But I always say you've got to live wholeheartedly, right? We can't feel the joy to the, you know, optimum that you know, the full measure, if you don't feel the grief in the full measure as well. So, I love what you're saying about Why eat, just drop everything and then lean into what's really present. And I had that experience just last night, and it's beautiful. Even though it's painful. It's beautiful, right? Because it's what It reminds us that we're alive that we're human that you know, pain is part of the circle. It's part of all the emotions. We can't say, oh, I just want to feel this all the good stuff, but the pain aside over here. So yeah,

Ross Weitzer: 00:30:19

the pain is the good stuff that gets us to the good stuff. Yeah, that's where people misunderstand is, I gotta be present. When I'm present. That's where all joy, happiness and freedom and expansion lies. Yes, that's true. And if grief is present, that's what is present. And that doesn't mean that happiness and joy is not existent. It just means it's underneath the grief. And by being with the grief, we love, the grief, and the grief moves on. And that's where that that inner peace, and that that feeling that we actually want is I thank you for feeling comfortable in my presence to share your story. I have no understanding or knowing of what it would be like to be in your shoes. And I just want to say, I could just witness it. And thank you. Thank you. I know I was thinking about this, because recently, I was going through the process of conscious uncoupling how society usually calls a breakup. And I'm like, Whoa, this is actually so interesting. How many people will say, I'm sorry. And I'm like, but I just told you, I'm feeling expansive. Then you say I'm sorry. And now I'm like, Wait, am I supposed to feel more sad? Right. And it's like, there's that communication to me is saying sadness is a problem. I'm sorry, you're experiencing it. Why are you sorry? For my presence? Sadness? Right, right. As opposed to saying, how beautiful I want to celebrate you for going through a challenging experience. An honor. Whatever you're feeling. Oh, no, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Are you okay?

Judy Thureson: 00:32:25

Yeah, and I think that happens, because we are ill equipped. And we don't know, right? Like, me crying or grieving people don't know what to do with that. So they say stupid things. Or they say I'm sorry, or, or whatever, just because they're not equipped. And I always say this is the responsibility is on the Griever. To share what they need, right? So what you just said is beautiful, because, well, if someone's going through a breakup or an unconscious, uncoupling, or conscious uncoupling. That would be a great thing to say to them, like, Wow, that's so beautiful. That's so courageous. I love that you're leaning into that, you know, and what are you learning? What's happening with that? How has that changed you? Yeah.

Ross Weitzer: 00:33:19

And an important piece, you said in my communication of this awareness, it's not me pointing the finger saying these people are doing ill harm. Intentionally, intentionally, they mean only Well, it's just so interesting, because I'm like, the hardest part of all of this is dealing with everybody else that can't handle this moment of heat sharing. Where I can't tell you the amount of times I had a console, the person I told, like, I'm at a coffee shop with a human. And we have a brief relationship where we see each other a couple of times in the coffee shop, and I'm spending the next 20 minutes saying no, everything's gonna be okay. Like, this is ridiculous.

Judy Thureson: 00:34:07

That's funny. That's funny. Well, how are you doing, by the way, with, with all that with your relationship, and

Ross Weitzer: 00:34:16

it's just, it has been the most miraculous journey into myself. It's been one of the first times in my life where I've finally got to a place where I allow emotions to be present without having to understand them. So good. Sadness is there, and I'm just going to be sad and cry. Yeah. Why the hell do I need to understand why they're right. Because in trying to understand I'm saying, I ain't gonna be with this. Let me try to understand it, control it, figure it out. And I was laughing to myself. It's like, people have I don't know people, but I imagine it's like there's this expectation of, oh, I need to handle this really well. up, and I was just laughing to myself on my grace. You're 29 years old. This is only the second time in your life you've ever done this experience before. There's no knowing how. Just allow it and be with it. And that's it.

Judy Thureson: 00:35:16

Yeah, yeah. I think you just hit the nail on the head. That is what Bing is all about. Not trying to understand it, not trying to analyze it, not trying to explain it, make it look pretty. But it's just is. That's the beauty of it. Right?

Ross Weitzer: 00:35:37

And it's so beautiful. It's this is why this podcast is special. Is because I think more so than not. We we learn about the other side of being. Being present. Being courage, being commitment, being joy being love. Beautiful. Yes. Yeah. It's the other stuff that is getting in the way of that. Yeah, but how important it is for us to emphasize that sadness, that grief, that shame, that guilt, all of those are also being and the positive, the ones we want aren't better. It's just what you end up getting when you be all the other ones we don't want.

Judy Thureson: 00:36:28

Life is silly. That is gold right there. Ross that's like, boom, Mic drop. That's exactly it, right? Because those are in a sexy, right? The grief, the loss, the sadness, the the badge death that we want to cover up with the courage and the, you know, love and success and all these these great things that we want to show, we don't want to show the other stuff. And so I love that you're creating this platform in allowing us today to be able to show like, Okay, let's look underneath the hood, what's underneath there? You know, what are what are the things that we don't want to talk about? And I think, like you said, that's just as important, because that's how you do get to the good stuff.

Ross Weitzer: 00:37:15

Do you have one? Is there something in your life that I don't want to talk about that?

Judy Thureson: 00:37:21

I mean, I just shared with you like my marriage stuff. I am pretty much an open book. Like there's nothing. There's nothing that's off limits with me to share. You know, I'm probably an overshare. But, you know, the My marriage is the big one because you know, somebody who's a coach and the public and I, you know, leader and influence, or whatever you want to call it, there is a certain expectation and perception that, oh, well, if you're going to lead people, then you have to have everything together, right? I don't know where that came from. But there is this perception. And actually, I think what makes me a really good leader is because I am not afraid to show you all my flaws. And because of that it makes me more trusted. People feel safe with me people feel like they can tell me anything, because I'm willing to go there. And so, you know, Eric and I are working on our marriage we you know, we're very proactive about really creating deeper intimacy and connection and and we're going to London together, which is amazing. And we're taking a couple days to go to Paris and and that's just him and I and connecting and just grow growing in our marriage. So if anything right now that I feel is I'm not sad about it because I think it's great we're in in an area a time in our marriage where we're both working on it and it's growing. But it's definitely something in the past that I would have not wanted to talk about because it wasn't picture perfect. You know what I mean?

Ross Weitzer: 00:39:20

It's funny you use that word because I'm like to me it seems picture perfect. What if that is what oh, god are you down to create a new story with me? Is what is the story of picture perfect? Picture Perfect is the marriage where two people are devoted and committed to each other and are constantly exploring their cultivation of intimacy and connection and love. What are what have you are the big picture perfect marriage right now if that was your story?

Judy Thureson: 00:39:54

You're absolutely right. Because we both are committed to Growing and doing whatever it takes to grow, whether it's coaching, whether it's retreats, or you know, and we've always had that in our marriage. So you're absolutely right. It's switching that story of, Wow, how lucky how lucky am I that I have a spouse that wants to grow with me that's willing to put in the work that's open to doing that. So thank you for shifting that for me. Because you're right. That is picture perfect. Right, I just got done telling you earlier that perfect, in a sense is boring. If Kim and I were married 25 years, and we never fought, and we everything was great. And we never went through anything. That would be boring, right? But yeah, and we

Ross Weitzer: 00:40:50

lead, because you would have nobody to relate, nobody can relate to you.

Judy Thureson: 00:40:54

Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. And we've been through hell and back together. And the fact you know, one of the statistics of couples losing a child staying together is very, very small, like 20% of the couples that lose someone, child stay together. And you know, and we fought for that we fought for really staying true to to one another, and allowing each other to grieve, in a way that was true to them. Right? Not making the other person do something, because while I'm doing it this way, you've got to do it this way, or vice versa. And so we're coming out of that, you know, that almost three years ago that we lost our son, so So you're right, thank you for that shift, because I, I received that. And I'm gonna take that with me.

Ross Weitzer: 00:41:52

There was a there was a line I heard a while back, that really just gave me a beautiful perspective shift. Being that we're both in work of service and guiding and coaching and leading. There's as far as like, why, why do I experience so many life challenges? Like, oh, like, every single area of my life is testing at different points in my life? Why? Why do I get a break? And then I heard this line of if you're actually devoted to leading and guiding into impacting, the more challenges that you experience in life, the more equipped you are to be a powerful leader. Yes. And that right there gave me everything. I was like, oh, I want this, because I want this. So the more I have that, the more I am that. And it was just it was just really helpful.

Judy Thureson: 00:42:46

Right? Right. I agree. 100%. And I'm quite a bit older than you and I've had way more life experience. So I can attest to those challenges are not going to be wasted. They are all for a purpose. And for a reason, right? My husband says this often. And I love it. It's a great picture of stewarding our suffering. How are you stewarding your suffering? I love that because, you know, if we look at suffering, in a sense of wow, this is it's really a gift, suffering of the gift of how can I store the suffering well, so that I can be an example I can be a lighthouse, I can be an anchor, I can be a confidant write for other people who are going to go through the same human experience. There's nothing under the sun that is going to be brand new. Right? When you look at the depth of the foundation of what we're all going to feel, it's all the same doesn't matter how rich how many millions you have, versus you know how sick you are, how healthy you are. At the end of the day, when you peel it all off. The foundation of our emotions are a great equalizer. There's no new emotion that's going to come out that's Oh, wow, this is brand new. Nobody knows about this one. It's all something that we can relate to. So I appreciate that perspective. That's really good. And yeah.

Ross Weitzer: 00:44:31

Judy, with our time coming to a close, is there any last things you want to share? And what's a great way for people to discover more about you?

Judy Thureson: 00:44:41

I just my website, Judy thurston.com. And that's a great way to reach me and I I just love that conversation today. I love that we explored the I want to say I don't know if this is correct, but the darker parts of being I don't think we explore that enough. So I'm really glad that we went there. And I'm glad that we didn't rehearse anything or prepare anything. And we just allowed ourselves to be and just go there. So I appreciate you. Just being you and and leading the way in this conversation and just getting to know you. And I already just adore you so much, even though I've been stalking you and watching your videos already. So I feel like I know you. But it has been a pleasure. I learned a lot today, and definitely going to take that with me. And if anything I can leave as just continue to be authentic. Allow your insight to match your outside. So that's a good gauge for me, you know, if I'm being something outside and it's not matching, what's really happening in my, my soul and my heart, then that's a good heart check for me to say, hmm, let's let's clean this app. Let's really be completely open and unfiltered and see what happens. See what kind of magic we can create when we're coming from that place.

Ross Weitzer: 00:46:07

Judy, I had a lot of fun with you today. And now I need to end the podcast by saying something and this is new to me. So I'm like what don't want to end these things. So everybody, whoever listen, thank you so much. You made it all the way to the end. And don't miss out on the next one coming out on Thursday. Lots of love, peace out.