A Practice of Pure Presence - Luisa Molano

TUCP Intro/Outro: 00:00:08

Welcome to The Ultimate Coach Podcast conversations from being inspired by the book The Ultimate Coach written by Amy Hardison, and Alan Thompson. Join us each week with the intention of expanding your state of being, and your experience will be remarkable. Remember, this is a podcast about be. It is a podcast about you. To explore more deeply visit the ultimate Coach book.com. Now, enjoy today's conversation from B.

Ross Weitzer: 00:00:48

We are back. This is Ross Schweitzer, one of your three wonderful hosts. The ultimate podcast in case I did not mention, and we have the magnificent guest today. Luisa Molano, Louisa. Hello, hello.

Luisa Molano: 00:01:03

Hello. I love how you say my name. That's very beautiful. I don't know that anyone said it quite that way.

Ross Weitzer: 00:01:09

I practiced. I love it.

Luisa Molano: 00:01:12

I need to say my name the way you just said my name.

Ross Weitzer: 00:01:15

Metiria give it give it a try.

Luisa Molano: 00:01:19

First of all, I need to introduce myself as I am the magnificent Louisa Milan No. sound kinda like you? Yeah, I love

Ross Weitzer: 00:01:30

it. So we recorded it a little late because Louise and I were already having a fabulous conversation. So I want to kind of dive into it because I want you to pay attention to who Louisa is being that is the creator of this beautiful life, the one that she wants for herself, the one that is not just habitually being repeated, but one that is being intentionally created. So Louisa, can you share again, the journey you're embarking on?

Luisa Molano: 00:01:58

Yeah. So what I started to mention earlier was that in 2015, I sat down and wrote a 10 year vision. And in that 10 year vision, one of the things that came up was around traveling around seeing the world and experiencing the world. And when it came up, I was sort of like, what is this? Like, I haven't like consciously had this thought before, it isn't something I've been working towards. But here it is. I'm like, Okay, let's do this. And since that time, I have gone back to well, what does that mean for me to travel and experience the world. And ultimately, it's about seeing the world through other's eyes, traveling, getting out of the way that we live the world and we love traveling in the States. But we've also gone to Budapest and to Hungary, and to Venice and to Prague and Croatia, and had seafood looking out at the ocean, on the coast of Croatia just like you know, with people talking a different language around you and there's just so much life and it's different because it's not like okay, well in the US we don't have life because you can go to like Miami on a Friday night and everyone's dancing outdoors. I mean, you have life everywhere like is right. But it's this diversity. It's seeing the, the kaleidoscope newness of life. The way people walk, the way they talk, the snacks they have when we were in Croatia, they have like ice cream, like little little little stands of like ice cream everywhere. And I love ice cream. But you've got to go to like a brick and mortar place to get ice cream here in the States. And they're like everywhere, so like every literally 10 feet and they also did this in, in Venice. You can get gelato like every 10 feet, I must have had I had so much sugar coursing through my veins when we were in Venice cuz I wanted one and then put them in these little pups and you've picked just a guy with an umbrella. And he's just like, what flavor how people eat, how they talk, what they do, what they share, how they live, what time they wake up, what time they go to bed. When you get out of what you know what's familiar, and you step into an environment that's new and different. You get to see Wow, there's so many facets to us as a humanity. And yeah, you can pick up National Geographic and thumb through it and see that but there's nothing like experiencing it IRL in real life in another country or another city or another state. I mean, just even going from Denver, where we started to live where we live served for 22 years, my husband 12 years myself before we moved out in the fall of 2020. We went to Florida. And that was different, just, you know, a little bit across the country. And then we went to Austin. And then we had a few days in Louisiana. And I was like, oh my god, I felt like I was walking down with like, ghosts following me. Like they just the energy of Louisiana fell. I was like, that was awesome. So yeah, just getting, getting out, and seeing what's different and appreciating what's different. And seeing the beauty in the differences is magnificent.

Ross Weitzer: 00:05:41

Something that came up for me, and that is, when I go somewhere new, when we travel somewhere, who am I being, I'm being somebody that's very observant of everything, and I'm noticing so much new within each day. And I was thinking for a second. What if I approached tomorrow, like that, where I currently am someone there that is extremely familiar. And for the entire day, I observed as if I just stepped into new land. And how much new is actually already here? Do you ever have this experience where you walk on a nature path or somewhere wherever you live, and you walk this area often. And also, there's just this moment where you go? That's been there the whole time. It's like a magnificent, beautiful tree. And it's like, it's always such a funny feeling. Because there's two parts. There's like this elation of like, wow, that is gorgeous. And then there's the other part of like, wow, Ross, how not present? Are you at times that you did not see that massive, gorgeous tree?

Luisa Molano: 00:06:46

I love so much you. And you just said that. Because I literally had that happen yesterday. Can I share this,

Ross Weitzer: 00:06:56

please? Okay.

Luisa Molano: 00:06:58

So I'm walking my dog and I do this loop. We live our condo in Florida, right looks right out at the water. So you walk down the steps and you're kind of walk along the waterline. So I have a 20 minute walk. And the dog thinks it's for him. But it's really about me like truth be told. We're both enjoying it, we're loving it, we walk along the waterline and then we turn the bend and we come around the back side of our community. And we cut across the parking lot to come back to our condos, we kind of start walking along the front side of the condo or the back side. And we come back along the front side. So the kind of the parking lot structure we cut across and he had done a number two, so I had a bag in my hand. And I was like let me cut across this one walkway. Because it's closer to the little baskets they have in the community where you can dispose of the of the dog waste. And as I cut across, and I've been down that way before, but I also don't think I had and I didn't realize it until yesterday, I'm turning the corner. And I hope I don't get emotional with this. But maybe if you do. And there's this tree, not quite in front of where we live, but like let's call it half a block to the left. And I see the tree all the time because it's half a block from me. But I turned the corner and I saw the tree like I saw the tree and I stopped and I stared at it. And I just got really present I took a big deep breath and I'm just staring at it. And I started noticing how big it was. And I started noticing how its branches swayed and it swayed and I got more and more present to the sway and I'm like how many branches in my in my in my eyes view can I see? And it was just it was like doing this little dance is just swaying and I just stayed there for like 30 seconds literally guys watching a tree sway and then I started to feel like oh my gosh, I literally feel love for this tree. which I know sounds nuts but I promise you if you stand in front of a tree and witness its magnificent magnificence for 30 to 60 seconds. You will find a tree you love and it's suede and it's suede and I kind of like was like okay like got you to go inside and gave a call in like 10 minutes like, okay by tree. And then I looked at it and I remembered being a kid climbing trees in Florida. I don't like I have a friend and her name was Anna and she kind of lived in this. Like had this like wood woody area behind your house and you could just go and play because we didn't have like phones and there wasn't social media. I'm 41. Right. So when I was seven or eight was 87, right? We had bikes, I don't even know that it Tori had come out yet. And TV was nowhere the way it is now. So for me climbing trees was like a thing. And then I started thinking about myself as a kid climbing the tree. And then I saw myself now going, I could climb that tree. I could climb that tree like, I want to climb that tree right now. And I'm like, No, look, we said, Listen, you have a call. And we need to get to. And I looked at the tree. And I literally said this out loud to the tree. I said, I'm going to claim you probably this weekend. But definitely before we leave Florida at the end of the month, I'm going to come back and I'm going to claim you. And then I walked away.

Ross Weitzer: 00:11:22

There's something I want to bring into this that is going to make that last part really funny. So there's two things that came that popped in my head when you were sharing that the first one was use the tree as symbolism for somebody in our life that we've taken for granted. A husband, a wife, a child, a parent. And what I what I'm taking away from this is I just saw a tree yesterday. And today I see the magnificence in the tree. And that's all I see. Wonder or celebration. And just imagine, yesterday, I had a really challenging relationship with my husband, my wife, and I just took them for granted. And how long have I been taking them for granted? And then what happens if, in this next moment, I choose to look at my husband, my wife would wonder and awe. And I just I just stayed in this moment of the next 30 seconds. I'm just going to look at them. And all I'm going to focus on is their magnificence. How would I feel towards them? What would I see? What would I feel? And I started laughing because you were like, maybe I'd want to climb them. But I'll climb them later

Luisa Molano: 00:12:45

yeah. I want to add something I'm gonna go yes. And it feels like we're improvising and I love this. Yes to what you said. And I participated in something so to the extent somebody listening to this goes, oh my gosh, I want to view my husband, my son, my boss, my co worker, my wife, my my daughter in their magnificence because magnificence is not something that we need to like we've all got it we all magnificence is what we are. We sometimes just don't see it because our our ego talks really loud. It usually takes up a lot of of air space. At least mine does. But magnificence is like love right love is Steve says I am that love is what we are magnificence is what we are. There's just things around it that prevent us from seeing it. So like that tree when I came around. And I really saw it. It. It took a minute to really see it like I came around the corner and I was just like, whoa, hey, you look and you know, the big big tree. And then I got present. And I stayed committed in that moment to seeing all of it. I was looking at the bottom I was looking at the trunk. I was looking at the branches. I was looking at the trees. I was trying to see how many birds there's a lot of birds in this tree. Right like just kept taking it in, kept taking it in, kept taking it in kept taking it in. So to the extent somebody goes, Oh, wow, I want to see someone in my life in that way. You can have you can you can. There's an exercise. It's called the diet. Have you ever heard of a diet? I had? Yeah.

Ross Weitzer: 00:14:55

There was a part of me that said yes. But there was a louder part that says no So that's that's good to know.

Luisa Molano: 00:15:02

So it's it's a beautiful thing to add as a possibility for somebody who goes to you, I want to see my husband like that. But how do I start? Because listen, Louisa, well, you don't know, is what he said to me last night at the dinner table. That does not work for me. What do you see him like? Yeah, I want to see him. But we got to first talk about this, that he said at the dinner table or this that he said or didn't say, whatever, right? A dyad helps us lift and remove the veil of the ego. So we can truly see a person, we can see their magnificence, like the tree that I was describing. You sit across from someone, and we could even try it to the extent that you you want to go yes, 1000, because you take it wherever you want to Ross does this. But you sit across from each other, if I sat across from someone, and you complete three sentence stems in a row, you know, however many times there's usually someone that's kind of facilitating it, but you can do it one on one and just go, I kind of feel complete with that, or let's do one more, you pick however many rounds you do. But you start with I want. And when I say I want your only job is to say, tell me and I say what I want. And then there's a lot of breath and breathing involved, which is always a good idea in the world. And then the second thing is, I need and you go the other person and say, tell me I need and you say what you need. And then you say I feel good. And the other person goes, tell me and you say what you feel and the whole conversation through the lens of this dyad is I want I need I feel any other person says, Tell me, tell me, tell me. And when you're done, then you switch. And the person who was saying Tell me, I got that first person goes, I see. So now then I would say tell me and you share. And then you say I hear. And then I say tell me and you share, what do you see? What do you hear? What do you see? What do you hear? And all I say is Tell me? And what that does is it removes the layer of the ego because we're not in story. There's what does the WESA want, need and feel. And all Ross is doing is saying, Tell me? And then Louisa saying Tell me and Ross is saying? I see. I hear. And that's it.

Ross Weitzer: 00:18:24

That is brilliant. And I'm sure you've played played with this and experienced it. I have. And then what? So what like what have you experienced occur as that? And then?

Luisa Molano: 00:18:43

Yeah. Well, the first time I did it, I was like, I'm never having a normal conversation with another human again. Like I cried and they cried. There's just there's pure presence. There's pure who and my being who with pure beingness with another person. There's no story, right? Because so often we listen for agreement, or do I agree with what Ross is saying, you guys listening might be doing that and have been doing it in this in this conversation? Since you started listening? Well, I don't know. I wouldn't be that I'd never stare at a tree. I would look Oh, I like that. I like that. I don't like that. I like that. I don't like that. That's natural. It's it's it's normal. In other words, it's habitual of us as humans to listen for agreement or disagreement. Right? And so we aren't truly present and it's not a bad thing. But we aren't truly present to the swaying of the tree. Right if I wanted to compare the tree that I was looking at, to the tree across the way and what one how one was swaying better than the other or like that tree looks more claimable than this tree over here, or that one's got more branches, or I don't know what color of this tree is sort of weird, right? I wouldn't be able to see all of the swaying and the beauty and what it stirred within me to simply be present to what was right there in front of me. Period.

Ross Weitzer: 00:20:20

It's incredible. So the, the part where the partner switches and say, I see, I hear and I see, right? Is that essentially reflecting back? What you just communicated?

Luisa Molano: 00:20:43

I love that you asked that? Because it's yes and no. Right? And if we were to do it, you would experience for yourself what the experience is for you. So there may be some where there is, I'm reflecting back what I see. Right? And then you notice when you're that present to something to someone a different knowing comes up a different qualitative nature to what you're present to shows up. And that to me is like closing that gap to being as close to who we're being in the given moment as possible, right, because we can't tell who we're being until we've been it. Right, we can get really quick at doing it like the second after we do it. Like I started noticing this, when I first chatted with you, I was like, I'm being somewhat performative. Like I was doing all these things with my hands and like, we're not on video, this is a conversation. And so then I noticed that I went, Oh, I just get to my hands. I can lean back, I can lean forward, you know, heck, I, I could be laying down on my bed staring up at the ceiling if I wanted to, and just hear you to like, Okay, well, I'm being a little bit performative to want to be performative. No, okay, we get to drop that. Right. So we can't see who we're being until we begin it. When you really present in conversation with someone like that. And it's just what's coming up for me in this moment. What do I see? What do I hear? Some of it will be based on what they reflected what they shared. And then there's this deeper wisdom, this deeper truth that can only arise in the moment.

Ross Weitzer: 00:23:01

I think we have to play around.

Luisa Molano: 00:23:04

Yeah, hell yeah.

Ross Weitzer: 00:23:06

Okay, part of me is nervous. Let's do this. Thank you for sharing that. Do you have a desired part?

Luisa Molano: 00:23:15

You pick

Ross Weitzer: 00:23:17

I want to do the see and hear. Because for me there's something abstract about it. And I want I want to be in that that newness of it.

Luisa Molano: 00:23:26

Okay, the see and hear still then I will do the want need feel? I've never done this to like in a podcast. I wonder if anyone's ever done a dyad because it's but vulnerability is my superpower. So I'm called for a moment such and if

Ross Weitzer: 00:23:45

we have time we can we'll switch

Luisa Molano: 00:23:48

okay I want to be free. Oh, sorry. I want

Ross Weitzer: 00:24:03

tell me more.

Luisa Molano: 00:24:05

Just tell me Okay, tell me I want freedom i need tell me certainty. I feel tell me present. I want Tommy. Connection.

Ross Weitzer: 00:24:48

So just so I understand it, it keeps going. How many rounds

Luisa Molano: 00:24:54

do you feel? Okay, cool. You know, can we maybe do like another two or three? Okay, I get it right I got it. But you can go like 10 minutes. Five minutes. Three minutes. You know I want tell me connection I need Tommy. People I feel Tommy alive I want Tommy to make a difference I need Tommy affection. I feel Tommy. Love so we could go on, right. And we'll put we'll switch. Right. And so now you say, I see and I hear it. And then I just say, tell me and I receive.

Ross Weitzer: 00:26:42

I just want to share something for the listeners that's so interesting for me to observe, to observe you to see you. And the reason I say that is because this way of communicating becomes so simple. And in that simplicity. There's so much to observe in the person, where when somebody is saying so many words in a sentence, each word might have its own meaning for the human. But it's like it's so fast. There's so much happening. And when Louisa is giving one word answers, I see the word completely coursing through her where every word she actually looked like a different version of Louisa was beautiful to witness.

Luisa Molano: 00:27:32

Thank you for seeing me.

Ross Weitzer: 00:27:36

Okay, so I need to laughter do it Laugh, laugh, laugh laugh? I have these moments where like, if I feel joy, I just laugh but I feel appreciation. Absolutely. Okay, maybe also when I get nervous too, but anyways, laughing is good. So here we go. I see. Tell me my potential

Luisa Molano: 00:28:12

ah. Thank you. So you're seeing

Ross Weitzer: 00:28:19

me? Okay, that's what I meant in that reflection here.

Luisa Molano: 00:28:22

Yes, it is a reflection.

Ross Weitzer: 00:28:26

Really? Let's start over. Yeah, okay. I see. Tell me Alright, sorry. One more thing. Is it one word answers?

Luisa Molano: 00:28:39

Yes. Okay. Okay. This is perfect. This is literally this could not be unfolding perfectly for everyone.

Ross Weitzer: 00:28:46

Happy to be the test dummy. Yeah,

Luisa Molano: 00:28:49

no, not at all the test genius truly. This is brilliant.

Ross Weitzer: 00:28:54

It's true. Yeah. All right. Here we go. I see. Tell me pureness I hear tell me reception. I see

Luisa Molano: 00:29:14

tell me

Ross Weitzer: 00:29:17

life I hear

Luisa Molano: 00:29:24

tell me passion.

Ross Weitzer: 00:29:30

I see.

Luisa Molano: 00:29:33

Tell me

Ross Weitzer: 00:29:36

more I hear

Luisa Molano: 00:29:44

tell me

Ross Weitzer: 00:29:47

love there's a part of me that's like bras. Which one did you just do? All right,

Luisa Molano: 00:29:57

right like how Beautiful is the heart. Like,

Ross Weitzer: 00:30:03

this is magnificent. I

Luisa Molano: 00:30:04

mean, I've Yes. Yes.

Ross Weitzer: 00:30:09

Can I share a moment that was really powerful for me. I have wounds with my mother, which a lot do and actually wounds with mature older women. And I wanted to say love earlier on, because that was what I was feeling in the connection. Yeah, and I would say I've never yet keyword yet been able to be with my mom in presence. And actually say I love you. If I if I ever do say that it's habitual. It's not, it's not really in being in the depth and in the presence of Love. It's I love you as if I'm saying hi. As opposed to looking at her in the eyes and saying, I love you. It's looking at her in the eyes and actually feeling contraction and a lot of those protective emotions ever since I was a child. So I'm going to challenge myself next time I see her to like, create that presence, create that stillness. And say, I love you. And I realized that a great journey. I always said, I said, I don't know, I don't know what the first L word I said was, but I wanted to say love. But then I quickly changed it. And it's like, wait, I can look at everyone and say, I love you. And mean it completely.

Luisa Molano: 00:31:49

Yes. Yeah.

Ross Weitzer: 00:31:55

I got a laugh now.

Luisa Molano: 00:31:58

Do it beautiful. Let that childish. Wow. It's like that. It's childlike. Like, to me joy is so it's that's it? Joy. That's it. Joy, period. That's it, period.

Ross Weitzer: 00:32:18

Especially when it opens? Like, if I didn't share that with you, my heart would have been a way you've been protecting.

Luisa Molano: 00:32:26

Yeah, thank you for sharing it with me for sharing it with all of us.

Ross Weitzer: 00:32:32

Yeah, and this is what this podcast is about. Right? We're not talking about being or being? Yes, we're being what is present in this experience together. Somebody could be listening. But how was this about the ultimate codebook. And it's about being because it's all about being you don't need to talk about being being is. And to me what is is living from an open heart. Sort of me being is about am I open or closed? If I'm open? We're doing just fine. If I'm closed, how can I be open? It's that simple. Yes. Yes. Louisa, it has been just a honestly a fan. I've loved being with you in this experience. Before we finish off this journey. Is there any last things you'd want to share with the listeners? And where can people find you? Because I'm sure I know. Many are like, whoa, who is this? She is awesome. Yeah.

Luisa Molano: 00:33:33

I would love to share something when we're talking about I want to start by acknowledging you your presence and your who you have been in this conversation. There's such a sense of connection. I don't know you but from a name in a Facebook group. I haven't like followed you like I did admittedly pull up your Instagram. And I was like, guys really cool, right? But I'm, you know, I'm a business owner. And it's my job to, you know, take a look at who it is that I'm going to connect with. But I didn't know don't know anything about you. And we had an incredibly intimate conversation. And we brought everyone along with us. And everybody saw something in some way in their own way. Because the beauty about being is that it's not it's not a destination. It's not a place to get to. Our state of being is a place that we come from. Right? And we see what we see there's no wrong seeing. We see what We see exactly when we're supposed to see it. So if you got something between minute two or four, that was what you were supposed to see if yours was the dyad, and you're gonna go want to try it with someone, that's what you're supposed to see, we can't get it wrong, and we'll never be done. And you, my friend, were the CO creator of this space with me, you, I went as far as you were willing to go with me. The reason why this unfolded in such a magnificent way, because that's clearly the theme of the episode is because of who you decided to be moment to moment to moment to moment throughout the whole time and who I decided to be moment to moment to moment to moment, the whole time. So thank you for how you showed up. And for who you be.

Ross Weitzer: 00:36:04

Louisa, thank you so much into the listeners. The last thing I want to say is, give this a try. But Louise and I just did because this the simplicity of intimacy is at our fingertips. And give it a try, because you might just make it happen today. So everybody sending you lots of love. We love you dearly. And

Luisa Molano: 00:36:26

oh, I forgot to tell people where to find me Instagram, LinkedIn, my website, can I really quickly Yeah, get it go. Get it go. And so it's we Similan no.com on LinkedIn. I do a lot of work around in service of staffing professionals in the staffing industry, around how to not just survive, but thrive through the great resignation and then on Instagram on the whistle Molano coaching as well. And that is where I had the most fun and really where my woo comes. I let my my my blue flag fly on Instagram.

Ross Weitzer: 00:37:07

And to me, she is bad ass. Everybody. Lots of love, and peace out.